Free and Clear Alternate.

Swinging the front door open you enter the house. You give the hallway a look around. Memories come rushing back. Memories of you and Doe running through this hallway, into the kitchen for cookies and milk. Or rushing into the living room to your right to watch cartoons. Or rushing out the door to go to the movies, a party or a softball game.

You shake your head to clear out the memories and start towards the stairs. Reaching the top of the stairs you hang a left and walk towards your parents room. You notice the carpet is different as you enter their room. You see your mother litting on a chair, her eyes closed. Her hair is gone, leaving a gleaming and pale scalp. She is dressed in her nightgown, with a pink robe covering that.

You stand there for a second, imagining her as you remembered her. Her shoulder length black hair framing her face. “Mom?” you ask, quietly. “Are you awake?”

“Yes, I’m awake. The treatments and all that make me tired. Just resting my…” Her eyes snap open. “Oh! John! Oh my, I thought you were your father for a moment. Then the word mom registered.” She says, giving you a wan smile. “Get over here.” You smile gently as you move to her.

She struggles our of the chair. You wince a bit at it, and you arrive at her side and help her stand.

She smiles sadly again, “Yes John I am only fifty three. But I feel twenty years older.”

“I read up on the side effects of chemo. Stiffness, lack of energy, nausea. Pain.”

“Well, I got the whole shebang, baby. You name it, I suffer from it. But I’m getting better, really. Doctors say only seven more treatments. In the meantime, I got medical marijuana! Care to try some? I have no point of reference, but I think it’s good.”

You chuckle. That’s your mom. She was always able to take a sad situation and make a joke about it. You give your mom a soft, but warm hug, along with a small kiss on the cheek. “Despite that, you look a lot better than I had feared.”

“That’s because we caught it in time to save my girls. Docs said another month and I’d need extra padding in my bras.” She shrugs, and sighs. “Sorry, I have to sit. It hurts to stand for too long directly after a treatment.”

“Oh, yes, here.” You say, helping her sit down.

She sighs in relief as she sits. “So have you seen Doe yet?”

You pause and look away, “No. No, I’ve not run into her yet.”

You mom glances at the digital clock on your father’s side of the bed. “She should be downstairs. Probably in the kitchen. Before she picks up Courtney she always leaves a pot of coffee brewing. You should go down and say hello. She’s missed you terribly these past three years, well, almost four years.”

“I…I’m not sure I want to see her, Mom.”

“Not true. You do want to see her. What you are really expressing is you’re not sure how bad it would hurt to see her.” Her eyes were steady on your face.

“Yeah…there’s that too. Definitely that too. Is…is she mad at me for not showing up?”

Your mother face softens, “She never was. I think after the fact she understood. Not fully, how could anyone really fully understand that situation. It was the first time you broke a promise to her.”

You look away, “No…not the first.”

“Are you talking about Hank? She divorced him and got an order of protection against him about twenty months after the wedding.”

Your breath catches in your throat. Rage fills you, “What?” You ask sharply. Your mother jumps a bit at the tone. “I’m sorry,” You say, calmer in voice, if not in emotions.

“It’s okay. It’s the reaction I was expecting actually. Hoped for, in fact.”

You grab another chair and drag it so it’s across from your mother. “What happened?” You ask as you sit.

“After Courtney was born…”

“Courtney is their daughter?” you ask for clarification.

Your mom hesitates, as if she wants to say something but catches herself, “Hers, yes. Anyway after she was born Hanks started hitting Doe. Lightly at first. But as Courtney got a little older, it started getting worse.” She pauses for a second, and reaches for a cup of water on the nightstand.

After rehydrating herself she continues, “She showed up her one night with Courtney. We also hadn’t seen her since the wedding. She explained she came here because Hank didn’t know our address. We of course let her in. Never even a question. She even decided to sleep in your old room. Said she felt most comfortable there.”

She pauses again, smiling a little this time, “We found her in the morning, Courtney on the bed, surrounded by the blankets, and her curled up on the floor…clutching a picture of you.”

“What?”

“Don’t interrupt, I’m feeling tired, and it’s almost nap time.” Your mother states, “Courtney was awake so we took her downstairs. I mashed up some bananas I had. As I was feeding her Doe came walking in. She said hello, then called her mother. She sat down and started crying again.”

You have an almost irresistible urge to interrupt. Almost.

“Charlie asked her what was the matter. They had had a fight, he hit her. For the last time she added. Oh, you should have seen your father’s face at that. The implication that it wasn’t the first time. He immediately got Judge Conyers and Sheriff MacMurry on the phone and had him arrested.”

You nod. If it’s one thing that gets your father’s goat, it’s women beaters. As much as your parents fought, he had never raised a hand to her. His only hits were playful slaps on the ass. His fiercest grabbing was a strong hug.

You hear a knocking on the door, and you turn to see Doe standing there apprehensively. “Hey, Francine, the…the coffee’s on…and…” Her voice fails. A quivering smile directed at you. Her eyes watery. “Hi John.” Her fingers tangled together nervously.

You stare at her for a moment. Taking her in. Her hair was still strawberry blond, though she had let it grow down to the middle of her back now. Her shirt filled out a bit more than you remember, but she is a mother now. Other than that the nurses active days kept her fit. She started fidgetting more as you remained silent. Then, still without saying a word you get up and walk over to her. Getting her in a tight hug you whisper, “I am so sorry. I wasn’t here. God, do I wish I was.” For a second she just stands there in your hug, then you feel her arms wrap around you, and hug you back. “ I haven’t been a good friend at all, huh?”

She pats you on the back, “No, John, you’ve been a great friend.  The best.  You just had a different course to go than I is all.”  She says, just as quietly.  

“Still…I…”

“Sshhh. You have nothing to ask forgiveness for, John. I’m the one that chose to marry him, mainly because…oh…never mind.”

You want to ask what, but think better of it.

You mother speaks up, “Doe, dear. You need to go and pick up Courtney. Take John with you. Just help me onto the bed before you go. Then come back, Charlie said he was throwing some shrimp on the BBQ.”

You break the hug as Doe moves to your mother and helps her into the bed. After tucking you mother in, she looks at you again, smiling a little easier, “You want to meet Courtney?”

You smile, “Of course. Hopefully she takes after her mother, and not her father.”

Doe looks at you oddly, then snorts, “If you say so.”

You both leave the room with you wondering at the comment.