Fiona sings The Yellow Rose Of Texas

“She’s the sweetest little rosebud that Texas ever knew,
Her eyes are bright as diamonds, they sparkle like the dew…”

The Dirty Dove was packed to bursting. The queue to get in was three blocks long, with fights over position breaking out every twenty feet. The whole Barbary Coast knew by now that Texas Pete had tricked another greenhorn gal out of her clothes, and every last miner and sailor and gambler and cowpoke all wanted to get a good look at the show.

Fiona had been taken off waitress duty, after the saloon got too crowded for her to move around, and ushered up onto stage. Still buck naked, of course, and expressly forbidden from covering up. The bartender had introduced her as the world-famous English Nightingale, and announced that she was going to sing a few songs.

Texas Pete, sitting up front, had laughed so hard he almost choked on his cigar. Magda was in hysterics. Wong Chang was doing his best to maintain his impassive facade, a small twitch at the corner of his mouth the only indication of his true feelings. The crowd, which happened to be about evenly split between the genders (not all miners, sailors, etc. being men), cheered, guffawed and hollered lewd suggestions at the gratifyingly red-faced and deliciously mortified English blonde, cackling like animals at the spectacle of her utter embarrassment, and checking out her tits.

It was Fiona’s worst nightmare. Trapped naked on stage, made to look like a complete fool and having to sing silly songs… in front of Americans!

“You may talk about your Clementine and sing of Rosalee,
But the yellow rose of Texas is the only one for me!”

There was no alternative, of course, financially speaking. And so all the Americans in the Dirty Dove got to see poor Fiona sing “The Yellow Rose Of Texas” from start to finish, live on stage, blushing and naked for everyone to see. Followed by “Camptown Races”, “Clementine”, “She’ll Be Coming Round The Mountain”, and many other classic crowd-pleasing American folk tunes, all performed off-key and in the nude by the mortally embarrassed English girl, while a large crowd of people laughed at her and teased her about how silly she looked with her breasts and pussy on public display.

The next day, she challenged Texas Pete to a rematch.

She was subsequently paraded through the entire Barbary Coast district, in broad daylight, with no clothes on, covered from head to toe in molasses and feathers, at the end of Texas Pete’s lasso, before getting hogtied and suspended from a lamp-post in Union Square, before the astonished eyes of thousands of respectable men in waistcoats and ladies in fashionable dresses. And she had to sing “The Yellow Rose Of Texas” twenty times before they let her down.