Fashion First

"Also ladies," you continue, "you don't want to appear snobby and elitist, so wear tight, and I mean _very _tight polyster strech pants to class. It doesn't matter how cheap they are, in fact, the less they cost, the better. If you can make inexpensive polyester stretch pants look sexy, then that shows that you are naturally sexy."

Again the girls just nod and turn to each other to reaffirm what you said.

"Unless you are working out, you should never wear a bra while you're in college, especially if you're going to class. Wear tight, very tight tank tops when the weather is warm and tight sweaters if the weather is cool. Big hair is sexy hair, so until you graduate, tease your hair up as big as possible. Each of you should do your best to have the biggest hair on campus. Also, each of you should dye your eybrows a bright color like pink, orange, green, or blue and keep them that color until you graduate, and wear the brightest red or pink lipstick you can find. Got all of that?"

The girls nod and or say yes.

"Now, do not tell anyone I'm giving you this advice. I don't give it to everyone, just sexy and sophisticated young ladies like you. If anyone asks about how you look or how you present yourself, just tell them it's all your idea, and if anyone criticizes your look, tell them to fuck off."

"Finally, as long as you're in college, wear the largest plastic hoop earrings you can find, and dog collars make sexy and sophisticated necklaces."

You smile. "Now about your sex lives...."