Fantasizing about mom

Dear Diary,

We’re in month… 7 of the lockdown, I think? Time gets blurry…. it’s October now in any case. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve become a bit of a porn addict during this lockdown. Going from getting laid several times a day to… well… nothing messes you up in ways I never expected. And nothing against handjobs or anything. But, call me old fashioned; I just think handjobs should be given by someone else you know? Sure it was awkward when my mom and I accidentally opened up each others sex toy deliveries but we got over it.

At least… that’s what I told her. In truth? I constantly fantasize about her using her toys on herself. It’s honestly driving me up the wall. I kind of had to turn to porn you know? To avoid thinking of her like that all the time. In retrospect, binging mostly **** mother-son porn might not have been the best move.

There’s just something about the intimacy in those movies that really gets to me. Sure, the fucking is hot, but it’s stuff like kissing and cuddling, those moments when the actors stare into each other’s eyes, when the mother holds the son close… I don’t know. That’s what I really like. And the current reigning champion of that is Stone Productions whose leads are an actual honest to god mother and son.

Because Mom still works during the day, I do most of the chores around the house. Cooking, cleaning, laundry and so on. When we first started the lockdown she started jokingly referring to me as her househusband. Cute right? I laughed alongside her at that. But she’s still calling me that and it’s… well… changing in it’s meaning for me. I sometimes feel like she’s actually teasing me, sexually I mean. Just goes to show how much this lockdown is affecting me, that I actually think that sometimes.

My current favorite Stone Productions movies is one that Jason and Jennifer, the aforementioned Stone Productions leads, had made of their actual wedding and ensuing wedding night. The video is reminiscent of a kind of shakycam style, as if it was an actual home video. Jason’s father filmed the whole thing himself, only handing over the camera during his own role in the ceremony, giving away the bride. Apparently they didn’t even need to divorce. Oedipal Zone Alpha marriages didn’t necessarily invalidate previous marriages, they could just be a dominant layer on top. Technically, Jennifer had two husbands now. Of course, it was very plain to see which of the two really counted as a husband.

Technically what Jennifer was wearing counted as a dress, rather than lingerie. Though the distinction was just that, technical. Every curve of Jason’s mother was on display in the sheer white dress stretching over her body and clinging to her matronly form. Jason’s father actually wiped away a tear as the couple said I do, holding Jason and Jennifer’s recent baby in one hand and the camera in another.

Jennifer had bounced back from childbirth remarkably fast. “Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Pearson’s,” Jason had laughed in another video. Jennifer's body was clearly that of a mother. But a very fit mother, certainly not one that only months before the wedding had been nine months pregnant. I was startled during my first of many viewings that the baby was handed over to a babysitter and Jason’s father was actually accompanying them on their wedding night!

But it became clear that they considered him an integral part of their family. It wasn’t just Jason and Jennifer that were the happily married couple, his father was there every step of the way. And every step included the honeymoon and wedding night where Jason’s father filmed every moment of their coupling. Even giving suggestions every now and then, cheering on his son as he plowed his mother, his new wife. Encouraging Jason to cum inside of his mother, to breed her again.

I felt a bit jealous. Not just that Jason was fucking his mother, like I myself was fantasizing about more and more, but at the relationship they had with Jason’s father. Why couldn’t my father have been like that? Supporting, loving, instead of a cheating douchebag? And also, it’s not just about the sex, it’s about the whole thing. It’s about being more than just Mom’s ‘househusband’.

God, I’m reading what I’m writing and it’s fucked up, right? This is just because I’m cooped up and I haven’t had any physical contact with a woman other than my mother in months. That’s all it is, right?

Besides, there’s no way Mom feels the same. She’s still hung up on that asshole of a father. Even now, almost a year after the divorce I still hear her moaning his name when she masturbates. ‘Dorian, oh god fuck me Dorian, breed me’. Disgusting. After everything he did, leaving us like that, leaving her like that… I’d never treat her like that.

I’m fucked up, aren’t I? Listening to her through the wall, pretending she’s fantasizing about me… when this lockdown is done, I need a shrink.

“God damn Dorian… this is absolutely delicious!”

“Mom! No swearing.” After a moment they both laughed.

“Mhmm, you’re going to make some girl very happy someday; you really are the perfect husband,” Helena giggled. “But until then, you’re allll mommy’s.”

Dorian laughed nervously at that, adjusting himself. Hearing his mother refer to him as hers or as her husband always had that effect on him. “Why don’t you go sit on the couch and rest up a bit from being on your feet all day. I’ll clean up and bring desert.”

Helena smiled happily. “What did I do to deserve a son like you?”

“Just raised right,” Dorian laughed as he got up and started to clean the table.

“Raised right indeed,” Helena giggled as she got up and gave Dorian a smack on his butt.

“Mom!”

“Just showing my appreciation sweetheart. Glad to see that even though you’ve been locked in the house, you’re still staying fit.”

“How else would I keep up with you?” Dorian laughed. Though the truth was that he’d started exercising more vigorously in the hopes of taking his mind off his mother. At first they’d exercised together but the visual of his mother in very tight yoga pants had constantly ruined his concentration.

“How’s the vaccine coming along?”

“Ugh… slowly,” His mother said as they were both sitting on the couch, dessert finished. She stretched out and put her feet on his lap, seemingly oblivious to the almost instant boner the contact produced.

“The virus mutates very quickly, very hard to make sure the vaccine actually triggers enough of an immune response to protect not just against the current dominant variant but future possible variants as well. That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Helena pulled her feet back and hugged her legs, looking at her son. “The facilities here are not enough, they’re moving me to a different lab. In a different city. Queen’s River actually, where Ava lives.”

“Oh, so you’re going to stay with her?” Dorian tried not to let his disappointment at his mother leaving him alone show.

“Not me… us. I already checked with her and she’s got room for both of us. What kind of mom would I be if I let you be alone for Christmas… especially after how you were there for me last Christmas after… you know...”

They were both silent for a while, they had managed to go almost the entire year without mentioning Dorian's father or the divorce.

“You don’t need him, Mom” Dorian said quietly. “We don’t need him”

Helena smiled, leaning over and hugging her son. “That’s right, I don’t need him. All I need is you.” She kissed the top of his head, cradling him to her chest, her scent and closeness making him dizzy.

“So it’s going to be the three of us, you, me and Ava.”

“What about her boyfriend?”

“They broke up. I told her she deserved better when we spoke this afternoon about coming to stay there and she agreed. After hearing about how you spoiled me all year she wants someone like that too. Someone loyal, hardworking and adorably cute, just like you.” Helena giggled again.

“Mom!”

“Oh I’m sorry, not cute. Very masculine and handsome.” She cupped his face and looked at him. “My very manly son,” she kissed him on the cheek, lingering just a moment longer than a normal motherly kiss before letting him go, giggling again as she saw a massive blush spreading on his face.