Everything comes tumbling down

"Sooooo... should we... should we talk about what happened? The elephant in the room."

After Candi stood up, and Sam had realised what had happened, Sam had decided we were leaving. Immediately. She was Candi's ride home, but she didn't wait for her. I don't think she would have even taken me with her if she didn't have to.

She grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and dragged me to the car. Not even saying goodbye to Olive and Tandi, and I barely had enough time to put my shoe back on.

And now it was just the two of us.

Alone together.

"Don't..." Sam's grip on the stering wheel tightened. Her eyes deathly focuses on the road ahead. "Don't talk to me."

"It really is weirder if we don't acknowledge what happened." I drummed my fingers on the car door. Looking out the window. "We live together. It's not like we can ignore each other forever."

"Pfftt... like you don't already." Sam scoffed.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Are you fucking serious? You never talk to me. You never even fucking leave your room. Not until Candi came over."

She sounded mad, but not as mad as I feared. Not the 'smother you in your sleep' kind of mad she'd seemed when we left.

"We never had anything to talk about before."

"You're such a fucking asshole." She hissed.

"What?" I looked at her, raising my eyebrows. "You didn't talk to me either."

"You don't think I fucking tried!? Don't think I wanted to..." Sam looked at me with a dark scowl, like she was about to smother me. But she saw something in my eyes, and backed off. "Ughh... Never fucking mind. Do you want to talk about how I swallowed your cum? Is that what you want you fucking pervert. Hmm??? How you and my sick fucking girlfriend seem hell bent on humiliating me at every opertunity."

"I'm sorry, okay? I thought she swallowed it all. I didn't think she was going to-"

"Oh! So that makes it okay?" Sam laughed. "My fucking cheating slut girlfriend sucks you off in a filthy bathroom. But its okay! Because you fucking thought she swallowed?!?!"

"I didn't mean-"

"I was happy."Sam spat out the word. "For the first time in my life, I thought somebody actually loved me. But then she asks to meet my family, spends five minutes alone with you and Iike everybody fucking else, decides she'd rather have you."

"You don't think I love you?" I half said, half mumbled."

"Don't do that." Sam sighed. "Don't play the victum. Don't make this about you. Everything in my fucking life about you."

"Because you make everything about me!" I shouted. A well of raw emotion bubbling inside me.

"Excuse me." She hissed back. Slamming the car to a stop as we entered our driveway.

"Everything I did, you had to be apart of." I turned into my seat to face her head on. "You took my friend's from me. Took my interests, took soccer."

"I didn't fucking take anything." She growled. "I wanted to do those things with you. I wanted you to be apart of my life."

"You humiliated me. Everything I wanted to do, you did better." I felt angry. Years of frustration welling up inside me, and yet I was quiet. My voice quivering as I fought back unwanted tears. "Olive asked me why I don't ever try. Why I'm such a fucking loser. It's because of you. Because you showed me there was no point. I'll never be as smart as you. As athletic, as likeable, as pretty. You ruined me."

"You're still doing it! Still only thinking about yourself." Sam's own eyes ran red as the welled with tears. But she pushed through, staring at me with an intensity I'd never seen before. "When dad left, you had mom, you had friends. But I had nobody. You were the only good thing I had in my life, and everytime I tried to get close to you, you stepped away. I loved you, and you treated me like a curse. When I only wanted you to love me back."

"And so now you're in love with me huh? That's the real elephant the room here." I felt my blood run cold as I said it. I knew I was going to far, but I couldn't stop myself from lashing out.

"Candi knows it. Thats why she doesn'tlove you anymore. " I continued despite myself. "I know it. You act tough, you play protest, but what you want is clear as fucking day. You walked naked into my room and wiped the cum off of my dick. Not because she told you to, but because you wanted it. You can lie to yourself. Say you only did it to please her, but I know the truth. She knows the truth. You did it to fulfil some sick twisted fantasy."

"Get. Out." Sam leaned back in her chair. Staring forward into nothing, hands gripping the wheel.

"You don't even deny it?" My hand trembled as I groped the car door. Legs so weak I almost fell over as I got out. "Don't you realise how fucked up that is? Feeling that way about your own fucking brother? How fucking sick in the hesd you are!"

Before I even closed the door, Sam slammed the car into reverse and drove away. The door slamming shut as she skid down the street.

"Yeah?! Just run away." I shouted at her. "Keep running away and ignore your mountain of fucking issues!"

"You're a sick fucking freak with sick fucking desires! You think anybody would want you? That anybody will care!" I kept shouting despite her being long gone.

"Finn? What in God's name are you doing out here?" Mom called from the front door, stepping out to see me.

"Im not... I, I, I didn't mean..." Proper tears were trailing down my face now as I verged on sobbing uncontrollably.

"You're making a scene." She hissed the words. Looking around to see if anyone of the neighbours were watching more than she was looking at me. "What's gotten into you child?"

"I... I..." I didn't feel angry anymore. I just felt hollow. "I fucked up..."

The slap across my face barely even registered. I was numb.

Why did I say that. Why did I say it like that. Why couldnt I just fucking listen to her and apologise for being such a shitty brother.

"Don't you dare swear at me!" Mom growled. "And quit crying like a girl. I thought you had manned up for Gods sake."

I had told Sam she ruined me, but I knew that wasn't true. I ruined me. Like I ruined everything.

"Get inside before somebody sees you like this." Mom shook her head. Drawing me by my arm. "You're an adult now Finn. You cant keep acting like a baby."

Nothing would ever be right again. By pure chance and luck, I'd been given the chance to turn my life around. But I spat in that chances face. Candi wouldnt want to see me again. She still loved Sam. More than me. I was just a toy for her to play with, and now that I'd hurt Sam, she'd throw me in the trash. Where I belonged.

I had ruined everything, and now nothing would ever be the same.