Establishing the playing field

I press the button to take the elevator up to the 5th floor, where the regional office for Hobbs and Cal Industries is located.

... I wait for about a minute before realizing that nothing is going to happen while time remains frozen. Whoops.

There's a woman at the main lobby reception to my right, who might refuse me entry if she saw me.

Perhaps I need to lug this heavy suitcase and backpack up 5 stories.

Or...

I walk behind the lobby desk and stand behind her. A completely impossible position to make it into without her noticing me, if time was flowing as normal. But trivial for me while time is stopped.

I take a black pillowcase from the suitcase and hold it above her head. Then I unfreeze time.

TIME START

"Surprise!" I call from behind her, doing my best to disguise my voice, to further throw off the chance that I get blamed for this, if she hears my real voice later.

And then I shove the sack down around her head, blocking out her vision.

It's engulfing her entire head, but it's made of a high quality cotton, so it allows for a bit of air to travel through it. Enough to prevent her from suffocating, anyway.

I want to duct tape the open end of the pillow case around her neck, but she starts screaming and flailing! This is going to be trickier than I thought. Or rather, it would be if I didn't have a cheat code.

TIME STOP

With my victim frozen still, it's much more of a breeze for me to tightly tie the pillowcase down around her neck, to make sure it'll take several minutes to remove it. And that's assuming she can find a pair of scissors.

TIME START

It's a bit awkward listening to her panicked screaming while I wait for the elevator, so I decide to scribble a note that reads "you've been victim number 1 of the practical joker" and leave it in front of her. That way she'll at least believe she was pranked rather than violently assaulted, when this is all said and done.

After what feels like an age, the elevator arrives. I leave the poor lobby receptionist to her struggle. Someone will surely be along soon enough to save her.

The Office Door of Hobbs and Cal Industries has an electronic door at the front, which you need a key card to get in, unless you ring the buzzer and are let in by reception.

Luckily, I have a simple plan for this too.

I leave the wooden box in front of the door, on the ground, with a note addressing it to Hobbs and Cal Front Desk. And then I wait, hiding behind the door to the men's toilets. (The toilets are in the hallway, outside the controlled access part of the 5th floor.)

It doesn't take long for someone to need the toilet, and open the door from the inside. When they do, they see the box, and helpfully take it over to the front desk, where two certain women are sitting, in their roles as office administrators. Barabara Smithers and Mary Staple.

TIME STOP

While the door is partly open, I slip inside and take my bags with me. There's not easy dark corner for me to hide in, unfortunately, but there is a whole massive load of space underneath the unnecessarily giant front desk that Barbara and Mary furnished this space with - presumably to contain their massive egos.

I am easily able to hide my bags and my own body under this counter. From here, I can look up their skirts all day as they sit there clicking and clacking on their computers. And I can hear everything they say. And most importantly, they won't notice me unless I get very unlucky and they find reason to kneel down and look underneath the counter.

TIME START

"A box?" Mary asks, confused but intrigued.

"A jewelry box, by the looks of it." Barbara says excitedly. You can hear the eager greed in her voice.

From my safe spot under the giant desk, I smile a wide, evil smile. These two young women are responsible for the worst weeks of my life. So it's only fair that I am now responsible for theirs.

"The game of karma." Mary says out loud, confused. "A game where good people play reward games, and bad people play punishment games. Please turn over."

They've opened the box, and are reading the card.

"What are these symbols? They look almost... Satanic." Barbara says, sounding concerned. Good. I'm glad she recognized them. That'll help them believe that the things that happen next are the work of some demonic spirit, and not a young pervert with a time stopping watch.

I can picture Mary turning over the card. I know she has when I hear her speak her next words.

"You two have been deemed bad people... You have been chosen to play punishment games. Complete the challenges given to you on the cards successfully, or suffer the forfeits. The player with the fewest Karma Points at the end of the week will suffer the Ultimate Forfeit - total public humiliation and nationwide infamy." Mary reads, sounding less and less amused with each word.

"This is a shit joke, whoever sent this. There's not even any more cards. Whoever is trying to threaten us hasn't even done a very good job of it." Barbara says, audibly unimpressed.

"Whatever." Mary says." What a weird joke."

TIME STOP

This is going perfectly. Now for the next step. I get my marker, and another blank white card, and write more messages on both sides. Then I get out from under the desk, and place the card underneath the box.

While I'm out here, I take a moment to look at Barbara and Mary properly. They're just as I remember them.

Barbara is in her late 20s, tall and skinny with completely fake platinum blonde hair and an obvious breast enlargement. With her frilly blouse, excessive make up, and unnaturally white teeth, she looks like a doll.

Mary is in her early 30s and looks a bit more authentic. But her authentic self isn't my favorite to look at. She's short and fat, for one. Not morbidly obese or anything, but desperately needs to lay off the donuts and cake. Her hair is a boring brown, thin and medium length. I also just hate her face and her voice. But that might be because I hate her personality, and that makes me biased. Who knows.

In any case, it was her who first called me Fart Boy, and I've never forgotten that.

My **** will be poetic, and brutal. And it starts now.

I return to my hiding spot, and restart the flow of time.