Episode 1: 'The Whore Next Door Hypothesis' (Scene 1)

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - LIVING ROOM - DAY

The camera pans over a group of four nerdy men sitting around a coffee table, deeply engrossed in a game of Dungeons and Dragons. They are Sheldon Cooper, Howard Wolowitz, Leonard Hofstadter, and Raj Koothrappali. They are clad in their usual geeky attire.

SHELDON (rolls dice): Critical hit!

The group cheers and high fives each other, completely absorbed in the game.

Suddenly, load moans and dirty talk can be heard coming from the apartment across the hall. Leaving the group momentarily distracted.

LEONARD: You guys hear that too, right?

HOWARD (nodding and smirking): Sounds like someone's getting some action.

RAJ (excitedly): I wonder who it could be?

SHELDON (irritated): Ignore it. We have important matters to attend to.

They try to resume the game but as the moans and dirty talk get louder and louder, Sheldon starts to lose his focus.

SHELDON (frustrated): OKAY! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! We need to go over there and put a stop to this!

LEONARD: But what about finishing the game, Sheldon?

SHELDON: This is a matter of principle, Leonard. We can't let this continue.

RAJ: I agree with Sheldon, we need to teach that whore a lesson.

HOWARD (smirking): And I know the best way to teach her. (unzips his pants)

SHELDON (disapprovingly): Howard! This is a serious matter. We can't let our hormones get in the way.

LEONARD: Yeah, we'll let them get in the way at the whorehouse later.

SHELDON: Precisely!

HOWARD (zipping his pants back up in defeat): Fine.

The group quickly stands and heads towards the door.

As they approach the apartment across the hall, the sounds of sex get even louder

SHELDON (knocking repeatedly): EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME!

LEONARD: Could you cut that out, Sheldon?!

SHELDON: I have to let the skank know that the matter is urgent, Leonard.

He resumes the knocking until the moans suddenly stop.

SHELDON (pleased with himself): See?

This triggers an eye roll from the others before the door opens, revealing a beautiful woman in her mid-twenties, completely naked except for a robe. This is Penny, their new neighbor.

PENNY: Can I help you?

The other three stare in wonder at the naked blonde goddess standing before them. However, thanks to the power of Autism, Sheldon isn't as affected by her charms.

SHELDON (unfazed): Hello, I apologize for the intrusion, but we were in the middle of something very important.

HOWARD (butting in and trying to put on the charm): NO WE WEREN'T! Hi I'm Howard Wolowitz. What's yours, sweet-tits?

PENNY (slightly amused): Penny.

HOWARD: Is that your name or how much you cost?

Penny crosses her arms, unimpressed.

SHELDON (regaining control): Well Penny, we demand an explanation for the commotion you're making!

PENNY (surprised): OH! Sorry about that. I was just filming a sex tape for a casting couch audition I have coming up.

LEONARD: You're an actress?

PENNY: Trying to be. Right now I'm a waitress.

HOWARD (trying to put on the charm once again): Well if you to get into Hollywood, my Rabbi knows a guy.

PENNY (rolling her eyes): Haven't heard that one before.

Howard, realizing he's been caught, slowly backs away in defeat.

SHELDON: Well, could you please keep it down? There are families in the building. Plus, we were in the middle of a very important game of D&D.

PENNY (apologetically): Oh, sure. Sorry, I just got carried away.

SHELDON (satisfied): Well thank you, Ms. Penny. Good luck with your audition.

PENNY: Thanks and good luck with your thing.

The group begins to leave

LEONARD: Welcome to the building, Penny. Nice body by the way, can't wait to use it sometime. See you around.

PENNY: You too.

She gives him a sultry wink when she sees his growing erection which he covers as he rejoins the others.

The group makes their way back into the apartment when much to Sheldon's dismay, the moans and dirty talk start up again. Sheldon begins to turn back but Leonard stops him.

LEONARD: Whoa there big guy, let's just try to ignore it and finish the game.

SHELDON (sighs in defeat): If you say so.

LEONARD: I do.

The group tries to go back to the game, but the noises only get louder and more intense.

LEONARD: SO! How bout that whorehouse, eh?!

The group agrees and makes a mad dash towards the door.

{CUT TO OPENING CREDITS}