Elizabeth Victoria Guinevere Isabella Faire, AKA "Gwen": A Tentacle Monster

My parents are wealthy, not rich, but distinctly upper-middle-class. They both attended this same school and met here when they were in their twenties twenty-five years ago. I'm their only child, and they have put aside a trust fund for me to follow in their footsteps since before I was born. I'm just turned nineteen years old, Caucasian, have fairly average looks, (though all the boys in High School agreed I was at least moderately hot, I do aerobics, swimming and yoga,) and haven't been a virgin for a couple of years.

My veins run with the blood of deposed royal lines from half of Europe, and my mother made sure I would always remember that by giving me the names of four legendary queens. However, those names have never really suited me. I'm not the 'Queen' type, I'm more a follower: difident, easily led; submissive even. That's why I'm dressed in the habit of a Roman Catholic nun, with a 'streetwalker' costume under it: I lost a bet with one of the more senior members of Beta-Delta-Alpha, my sorority.

The bell rings seven times while I recite the modern English incantations, and the summoning circle begins to glow...

Suddenly the room fills with the sickly sweet and earthy scents of decomposing composted food scraps, and the summoning circle's lines of chalk are burning with green flames. I almost turn and flee, which would break the summoning wards and leave me at the mercy of whatever is coming, but my nerve manages to hold...

The flames suddenly flare eight feet high, then pull in, outlining the hideous shape of some sort of abominable monstrosity somewhat similar to a cephalopod. However, as the flames bigin to fade, leaving behind greenish lines like smouldering paper slowly resolving into a purple, red, and pink THING from beyond time and space with too many eyes and more tentacles than any earthly sea-creature; I realize I have made a grave error.

Even before it finishes resolving Procter Louisa Jona Caliper has summoned Campus Security. Entities such as this one are typically incredibly difficult to bind and powerful enough to break out of the summoning circle and go on quite the rampage. If that happens I not only fail the test, I'll be liable for any property damage as well, so I MUST bind the creature successfully!

}¿Why am I here 'young-sapient-bipedal-half-hairless-ape-female'?{ The being thinks directly into my mind, and heading my training in "Extraplanear Diplomacy 101" I try thinking right back.

}Call me 'Gwen' mighty one, and I have summoned you to be my familiar.{ I think, desperately afraid.

It harumphs mentality, but then pauses. }¿This is the One-Hundred-And-Fifth Realm of Clefans, is it not?{ It asks, and I mentally nod.

}That is one term often used for Ærþ, yes.{ I reply.

}.You are a young 'human' female. ¿Are you sexually mature, active, and fertile?{ The creature queries.

}Yes, on all counts.{ I gulp, sensing where this is going.

}¿If I agree to serve as your familiar until you choose to send me on to a new plane will you agree to grant me your unreserved sexual favours at least once a week, and serve as broodmother for my spawn at least once a decade starting with the next peak of your fertility cycle; and when you chose to send me on, send any of my children with me who wish to go?{ The being asks...

Faced with the very real possibility of expulsion if I refuse and this creature rampages, I feel I have no real options other than acceptance...

}I agree on one condition:{ I start, }Your sexual activities with me may not maim, cripple, disfigure, or kill me.{ I state, with a deep swallow.

The creature seems to consider... }¿Your world's medical facilities and techniques have reached the level where surgical extraction births are non-life-threatening procedures, if they are required, yes?{ It asks.

}Yes...{ I respond and I feel it 'smile' inside my head.

}.Then I accept your conditional agreement.{ It }.He darling.{ He replies.

}What's your name and species Mr...?{ I query, and he 'smiles' again.

}.My actual name is utterly unpronounceable with your configuration of vocal structures, but when I'm in the English speaking areas of any of the Clefanish realms I go by 'James Harold Breeding': or when I'm in the southern parts of this country 'Jim Hank Breeding'.{ He explains. }.As for my species, it again is unpronounceable, but you may think of us in the same manner I thought of you at first as 'sapient-mono-gendered-dimension-hopping-over-sexualized-exogamous-breeding-tentacle-monsters'.{ 'Jim' }...If we're going to use nicknames I prefer Hank...{ 'Hank' explains.

All this has passed in under five minutes, while the building security forces have surrounded the summoning circle with enough ordinance to level your typical high rise in a single salvo, but I call out "It's all under control folks!" and finish the incantations...

Both diagrams flare pink for a second, then vanish in a puff of pink smoke, and I walk off of the summoning stage, my newly bound 'familiar' in tow...