Elise's Day

Perhaps I should have told Mama I was coming here, I know she may have been angry... But at least that would give me an excuse not to go and see my father. As it stands the only excuse I have is cowardice. I sit in the bus stop, the same one Scarlet comforted me in when we ran away that night. I have to find a way, I have to, I swore to myself.

"Elise?" A voice speaks my name, I turn to see Anya approaching. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I didn't see her coming. "Hey! You're a long way from the Crays'. What're you doing here?" She asks.

Anya's always made me feel weird, like she's trustworthy, even though she's never really displayed that. I think she's secretly nosy, but only so she can find ways to help people. I guess she's a lot like Scarlet in that way... Maybe that's why I explain everything to her. I tell her why I'm here, where I'm going, why I'm sitting in a bus stop. I just blurt everything out, and with each word I feel a little lighter.

"I think you're doing a brave thing." Anya observes, now sitting next to me. "Forgiveness is the hardest thing to do, God knows I haven't always managed it. But you've got to remember that you're doing the right thing."

It sounds so simple when she says it... But then, why can I still not move?

"What if it's not though? What if it's letting him just get away with it? I think of him laughing it off and I just get... I get so mad." I confess. It's always in my mind, what if I forgive him and he starts trying the same shit again? What if he tries to mess with me? What if he tries to mess with Scarlet? If I let that happen, I'd never forgive myself, let alone him. So is it worth it, forgiving him so I can just blame myself later? Isn't it better to let the blame rest with him?

"It's not about him." Anya derails my thoughts with her sudden input. "It's about what you want. Look, I'm a black woman, there are people who hate me for just existing, but you know what I feel for them? Pity. Hatred doesn't do anything to anyone but yourself. All that pain you're holding on to? It's shrapnel in a wound, it's not there to be a reminder, it's there to tear you apart from the inside. Don't let it."

Do it for me? Is that fair? I mean, surely, if I'm giving someone forgiveness, it should be for their benefit, or they get nothing out if it... He gets nothing out of it... I'm not handing him anything, I'm taking back what was taken from me. My peace.

I almost leap to my feet at this realisation. "You're right." I announce, turning to Anya. "Thank you. That's just what I needed to hear." I add with a grin.

Anya waves off my appreciation. "Oh please, you and Scarlet got me and Jessie together with Skye, consider this me making us even!" She smiles back. I wave back to her as I march with determination towards my family home. It's not a long walk, but it feel like hours by the time I finally reach the gate. His car's here, no excuses this time, he's home. I walk up to the front door and instinctively open the door. Should I have knocked? Too late now.

I enter my house to a terrifying stillness. The place just feels empty. I check the kitchen and the living room, no sign of William. Odd, maybe he went for a walk or something. I'm drawn upstairs to my old room, and open the door to take a look. Nothing's changed. I don't know what I expected, but, the emptiness of it makes me feel so... Hollow. I think I was so wrapped up in my hatred of my Papa and my love for Scarlet it never really hit me. Things are never going to be like they were. My family is... Gone.

I try to supress the feelings as the tears well up in my eyes. Come on, there's no reason for this. My life's better than ever, this is just blind nostalgia. I don't need to... Need to...

What's that sound?

I can hear voices, through the walls it's hard to tell. I return to the landing and try to listen as hard as I can. I quickly realise exactly what I'm hearing. Moaning. A woman's moaning. That rat bastard. Acting like he's all broken up, then brings some hussy into our family home? If this is the tomb of my home life then he's literally fucking on its grave.

I look down the stairs. I could just leave. I could pretend he wasn't home, come up with an excuse not to try again, and forget about him forever... Fuck that. I'm gonna hit him.

My body moves on its own and rushes towards the door of my parents' old room. I roughly force the door open, causing it to slam on the wall. The perpetrators scream and hurry to cover themselves beneath the sheets of the bed. As it's expected, it's William and... No. There's no way.

"Mama?"