ENF-036 - FORTUNE TELLER

Item #: ENF-036
Object Class: Pink

Containment Procedures: ENF-036 is to be kept in the southern corner of Research Facility 1-A's break room, next to the pool table and the vending machines. Staff are permitted to make use of ENF-036 whenever they please. They are, however, expected to be fully aware of the potential consequences. The Foundation takes no responsibility whatsoever for any possible outcome from the use of ENF-036.

Description: ENF-036 is an old-fashioned carnival fortune telling machine. It consists of a wooden cabinet with a coin slot, a ticket slot, and a mannequin of a gypsy woman peering into an artificial crystal ball, preserved behind a sheet of glass. No attempt to break the cabinet or the glass has yet proven successful.

Placing a penny in the coin slot will result in the mannequin springing to life and making passes over the crystal ball, while its eyes flash and its jaws gape in soundless laughter. The sound of machinery is heard from within the cabinet. Then, a small card is ejected from the ticket slot. On this card, printed in Gothic lettering, is the fortune of whoever inserted the penny.

Good fortunes are printed on green paper. Bad fortunes are printed on red paper, and generally entail some form of humiliation or indignity being visited upon the unlucky victim. Good or bad, they invariably come true.

Tester: Dr. Melissa Cifuentes
Fortune Type: Good
Fortune Text: Your hard work will be rewarded.
Result: Dr. Cifuentes promoted from Foundation intern to Junior Researcher, Third Class.

Tester: Dr. Hans Blithe
Fortune Type: Good
Fortune Text: You shall receive a free lunch.
Result: Dr. Blithe finds a hundred-dollar bill hidden under a theater cushion and uses it to take Dr. Cifuentes to a nice restaurant.

Tester: Dr. Emilia Lucent
Fortune Type: Bad
Fortune Text: Your pants will fall down.
Result: Dr. Lucent's pants fall down in the middle of the 1-A cafeteria, revealing her lucky polka-dot panties to over thirty Foundation staff.

Tester: Dr. Angela Sharpe
Fortune Type: Good
Fortune Text: You will find what you've been looking for.
Result: A breakthrough in applied statistics enables Dr. Sharpe to finally comprehend the migration patterns of ENF-232, allowing for its effective containment.

Tester: Dr. Emilia Lucent
Fortune Type: Bad
Fortune Text: Your pants will fall down again.
Result: Dr. Lucent's pants fall down while she is on stage at a conference in Paris, lecturing on the theoretical impossibility of probability disruption.

Tester: Dr. Melissa Cifuentes
Fortune Type: Bad
Fortune Text: Carelessness will be your undoing.
Result: Dr. Cifuentes demoted back to intern after her failure to keep ENF-144 fully submerged in water results in every woman born between the hours of 7 and 8 AM on the morning of September 17th, 1993 having her bottom bared.

Tester: Dr. Emilia Lucent
Fortune Type: Bad
Fortune Text: Guess what? Your pants will fall down.
Result: Dr. Lucent's pants fall down while she is riding an escalator in the middle of a crowded shopping mall. They become tangled in the machinery and town to shreds, obliging her to run all the way home in her lucky polka-dot panties.

Tester: Dr. Hans Blithe.
Fortune Type: Good
Fortune Text: Dr. Lucent's pants will fall down.
Result: While Dr. Lucent is arguing before the Board of Directors for the immediate destruction of ENF-036, as a potential threat to the fabric of causality, her pants fall down. Amid the ensuing laughter, Dr. Blithe has no trouble at all ensuring that Dr. Lucent's motion is dismissed.

Tester: Dr. Emilia Lucent
Fortune Type: Bad
Fortune Text: If you wear panties, your pants will fall down.
Result: Dr. Lucent's pants fall down in the middle of the 1-A cafeteria, exposing her to over forty Foundation staff. After all, nobody said it wouldn't happen if she didn't wear panties.

Tester: Dr. Emilia Lucent
Fortune Type: Bad
Fortune Text: Varied.
Result: After her failed attempt to destroy ENF-036 with a claw hammer, Dr. Lucent awakens in the night to find herself buried under a large pile of red cards. They contain such fortunes as "You will be naked on television", "You will get a good hard spanking", "You will run across town in your underwear," and "Your pants will fall down". So far, they are coming true at the rate of two to three a week.

Tester: Dr. Hans Blithe
Fortune Type: Good
Fortune Text: Every woman in the Foundation will be stripped naked, oiled up and made to [REDACTED] each other's [REDACTED] for your amusement.
Result: [REDACTED].