Different Start - John Doe Gets the Power to Alter Reality

The object was sitting on the table with a Post-It note attached that said "Use This to Change Reality!"

"Huh," said John Doe as he picked up the object and looked around the coffee shop where people are always leaving reality-altering objects. "Uh... I wish all the baristas here were blondes?" He looked up to see that all the women behind the counter were indeed blondes. Although that didn't really prove anything, because your average coffee shop patron doesn't normally take particular note of the hair colors of all the baristas in the coffee shop, which John hadn't done before making his wish.

He next tried, tentatively, "I wish all the baristas here had big tits?" This turned out to not be the best choice, since their corporate aprons didn't show off their chest area that well, so it was difficult to tell what they had under their aprons, under their shirts, and under their bras.

John sighed and said, inevitably, "Fine, I wish all the women in here were wearing super-skimpy lingerie and would have sex with any guy who asked in one of the rooms in the back." This had the desired obvious effect, putting the baristas -- beneath their aprons -- and the female customers in super-skimpy lingerie. You'd actually think a change to reality like this -- making it plausible that all the women in a coffee shop belonging to an international chain would be wearing lingerie, and that they'd always be receptive to sexual advances, and that the coffee shop would have been built with back rooms for having sex. Why, thanks to the trillions of differences between that reality and the one where we started, it would be extremely unlikely that all the same women -- and John Doe and the men as well -- would be in the same place at the same time. Many of them might not even have been born, for goodness sake. But however it worked, reality was altered just barely enough.

Anyway, while men were whispering into women's ears and being led past him, John Doe knew he had some work to do. "I wish no one could take this object from me," he said.

No one? What about people with split personalities? "I wish no human could take this object from me," he said.

Wait, what if an animal happened to grab it somehow? "I wish no form of life on Earth could take this object from me," he said.

Wait, what about a possible alien invasion? "I wish no form of life, period, could take this object from me," he said.

Wait, what about androids or some other form of artificial being?...

15 or 16 hours later, John was finished protecting the object. This object, you may recall, will allow John to do literally anything he can think of -- why, he could live out any fantasy he's ever had, or any fantasy anyone else has ever had, or any fantasy no one else has ever had because all he'd have to do is wish to live out a fantasy that no one else has ever had. He no longer has any need for things like money, or getting his car's oil changed, or going to the supermarket for snacks.

So, of course, he walked home, where he put the all-powerful object at the bottom of a desk drawer, and then went to school.

Six days later, as he was in the middle of some homework, he thought to himself, "Wait, wasn't there a reason women are always wearing skimpy lingerie?" He fished out the reality-altering object, but couldn't think of anything to do, so he put it back in the drawer while he finished his homework.