Dex confesses

Authors's note. This is a chapter that I had in my head that follows on from https://chyoa.com/chapter/How-about%2C-not-Dex.1304012 by Pwizdelf (in her lovely story Endless Impossibilities: Bridget)

“Birdie,” you hear the low whisper. A hand grips the back of your calf and starts to shake you awake. You have no idea how long you’ve been asleep but it feels like it cant have been more than 5 minutes.

“Leave me alone Scott. I don’t want to talk about it any more.”

“Its me. Come on. I need to talk to you. Please”.

You roll over and sit up, eyes struggling to open and focus on Dex”. Even in your sleep befuddled state, you can see that he looks upset. You bite back the semi-caustic remark you were about to release when you see his red eyes. “Okay, gimme 10 minutes”.

Dex nods and bites his lip, then retreats from the room.

When you eventually make it through to the kitchen, Dex has made you a coffee and is sitting nervously by the table, He half gets up when you come in, then sits back down.

Yo sit down beside him rather than opposite. “What’s up Dex? Where’s Scott?”

“Uh. He’s gone off for a while. I think maybe I pissed him off.” You hear his voice begin to crack, and he starts to cover his face in his hands

“He’ll be back,” you say and put your hand on his, pulling it down from his face and squeezing it reassuringly. “Whatever he said, I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”

You look up at the clock on the wall. 3.15. Uugh! You guess sleep isn’t happening tonight.

“That’s just it Bridget, its not what he said. It was me.”

Dex is still shaken . “Come on, it cant be that bad”.

He wipes a little bit of clear snot away from the end of his nose with the back of his free hand before continuing. We were talking for a while, about you”

“Me?” you say in surprise.

“and us, Scott and me. Scott told me that he thinks that maybe the three of us here wasn’t the best plan. He said he could see how frustrated you were. How you thought that neither of us wanted you, and that it was obvious to him how much I", he swallowed before continuing, "I was in love with you. I tried to deny it, but he really called me out on it. I couldn’t. He said he didn’t know why he was here, that the two of us would have been better here without him.”

“Shiiiit! That’s a lot to unload on me Dex”, you say warily and sip your coffee. Its too hot. You put it back down.

“What, that I’m in love with you, or that that’s what’s stopping Scott making any moves on you? Sorry I take that back. Its up to Scott who he wants to be with and why.” he sniffed again.

“Aaah! You do a pretend quiet scream and lift your hands up in mock a dramatic style. After a moment you say, “So lets start with the bit where Scott thinks you’re in love with me.”

“I am Birdie.”

“The hell you say Dex. I’ve been waiting here and you’ve never so much as laid a finger on me.” You feel tired of repeating this refrain, “If you wanted me, you sure as hell don’t show it!”

Dex sat with his head down for a little while, then when he raised it, he said slowly. “Birdie, do you know what it means to be Bi?”

“Duh! Course.”

“Tell me,” he whispered.

“Okay…”, you say and pause briefly trying to make sure you don’t say anything too flippant. It clearly means something to him “You like men and women. You can get aroused and get it on with both.”

“No.”

You blink and sit back, “No?”

“No. Its not can. Its do. I do get aroused by both, I do want to be with both, When I lie in bed at night fantasizing and beating off. (You really don’t want to know how often I do that), who do you think I’m fantasizing about, Men? Women? It changes all the time. Sometimes I imagine myself with women and think that would satisfy me. Other nights the things that get me off, the things I picture myself doing, are with guys.

“So”, you say wondering where he's going with this.

“So, I’m trying to say, that I love you Birdie, with all my heart. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, or that I could hope to. The thought of growing old with you, doing everything with you. Its the biggest dream I’ve got”.

“then why not go for it”, you squeeze his hand some more.

“because that's all it can be - a dream. because what about the other nights Birdie,” he looks deep into your eyes through his tears, “the nights when what I need is someone… different. Its not just wanting Birdie. I need that. Its who I am.”

You throw your arms around him and sit awkwardly at the table hugging him for some time while he sobs until you can feel him begin to shake less.

“So you don’t think I’m absolutely disgusting then”.

Dex just shakes his head. “You’re incredible Birdie. Its just that if somehow through some miracle we got together, I could never forgive myself if I screwed it up and hurt you because some guy came along and I had to…”, his voice begins to break once again.

“Shhh”, you pull his head unresisting onto your shoulder and stroke his hair,

“I,” he pulls back a second later and looks at you, “I’m such a mess Birdie. How can I ever be with anyone? If I’m with a girl I’ll be looking at guys and wanting them, and if I’m with a guy it’ll be the same if I meet a girl. I’m just so fucked up. I don’t know what to do.”.

You pull his head back towards you and he lets himself be comforted once more then take him by surprise by twisting your head so that your lips meet.

He recoils instinctively and pulls his head back, eyes wide in shock. “But Bridget, I…” he falters.

“Don’t overthink it Dex. I get it, no lifetime guarantees, but at least I can get a kiss here and now can’t I?”

Despite his wet face and runny nose, you lean in for the kiss a second time and this time Dex meets you half-way. In some ways its a relief to realize you’re not repulsing him, but this kiss isn't for you, its for his benefit. You understand that its not just your own insecurities that need dealt with here and your friend needs you.

Dex’s kiss is awkward, nervous, but you don’t rush it. His hands lift from the table and go back down as if he doesn’t know what to do with them. You catch his left hand and pull it towards you placing it on your right breast. Dex opens his eyes wide and although he cups the breast he makes no further motion with it. At least he didn’t pull it away like he had been burned you thought.

When eventually your lips part, he's still holding your boob, as if he's waiting for permission to do more or even to let it go. You ignore that. "We don't need to figure out forever Dex. Maybe we can just wing it for a bit?"

Footsteps outside the door startle you both and suddenly Dex pulls his hand back and puts it firmly in his lap before the front door slowly opens to reveal a sorry looking sight.

"Scott! Where have you been?" you say, cursing his timing.