Desperately Seeking Joey

"Wait," Madison said, desperation catching in her voice as she saw Joey stand up as if to leave, "Please."

The word hung in the air between them. Madison stared at Joey, frozen, his hand gripping the stairwell railing, his backpack on the step next to him, leaning on his ankle. Yesterday she had failed to get close to Joey, and he had rejected her outright. She didn’t blame him; she had treated him horribly that morning. More than that, she'd been so dumb her entire life that she'd ignored him, failed to recognize how good he would be for her!

Jake had advised her to let him take the lead, not overwhelm him with her big personality. That was difficult. She wasn’t used to letting anyone else take charge, but she could learn. She'd been so driven her whole life, never one to sit back and let someone else take control. But if it meant that Joey might like her, if it meant that he might consider letting her into her life, she could change.

And so she waited for him to permit her to speak. He needed to know that he was in charge. In a way, now that Jake had told her how Joey didn't like women who came on too strong, she got why he would have sent her away the day before. Even beyond her monstrous outburst, even beyond her horrific neglect, she had been acting exactly in a way that would turn him off.

Joey's hand began to slowly tap on his leg, his eyes studying her. Then she heard him sigh, then he spoke.

"Okay."

It was enough. It was what she needed. She, of course, was careful to not let the flood of words that had formed in her mind gush out, drown him in her desperation. No, Joey needed her to be smaller so that he could be bigger. Jake had made that painfully obvious. It wasn't the kind of relationship that she had hoped for in life, but it was clear that it was what she needed, that it would be best for her.

"I know I said it before," she said softly, eyes low, "but I'm really sorry. You didn't deserve that yesterday."

He stared at her, seeming to consider, then he nodded. She continued.

"Look," she said, "I get that you and I haven't ever been... close. I think that has been a mistake. My mistake," she paused, watching to see any reaction before she continued, "But school is almost over. I don't want us to graduate and then think back later in life about what we missed. What we could have had."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Joey said, his voice tense, words coming too quickly.

"I'm not trying to put expectations on you," Madison said, "You're the boss. I get it. It's just that..." she paused again, seeing his lips grow tight, "I think a girl like me, well I'd be lucky to have a guy like you. In fact, looking ahead, at school, at life, you might just be the best possible thing for me. I'm only sorry that I've been so dumb, that it took me this long to realize it."

She hoped that it wasn't too much, but it was the truth. She felt exposed, naked, standing in front of him, baring her heart and soul to the man she hoped to be with, to a man she, in so many ways, didn't deserve.

Joey's eyes had gone wide, his mouth opening and closing slightly, as if he was going to say something but no words would come.

"If you'll have me," she ventured, taking the tiniest step forward, "maybe you'd give me a chance?"

"Madison," he said after a long pause, his face pale, concerned, "When did you start thinking that you'd be lucky to be with me? That you were too dumb to realize it?"

"Yesterday," she said immediately, happy he was engaging with her, "right after I had acted so poorly."

"After I said it?"

"You explained it so perfectly," she said, "I can't believe I hadn't realized it earlier. Imagine all the time we were in school together where I hadn't noticed you! What a waste of time!"

Joey brought his free hand up and rubbed his eyes.

"And why are you dressed like that?" he asked, "You never dress down for school. You always look so... um... put together."

She blushed. He'd noticed her! Her heart began to beat faster.

"Your friend, Jake, he explained to me what kind of girl you like," she said shyly, "I hope you don't mind. I'm willing to change. I realize that I'm the reason we've never ended up together. He said you like girls who are comfortable dressed like this, so I wanted to show you that I can be the kind of girl you like."

"Shit."

"If he was wrong," she said quickly, "I have other clothes. You just tell me how you want me to look and I'll do it. Honest. He told me how you like girls who aren't high maintenance, so I'll be easy. Whatever you want, whatever you need, I can be easy."

Joey chuckled for a second, then caught himself, "Madison, I know we're not close, but you're the most high maintenance girl at this school."

"Not anymore," she said, feeling the floor drop out from under her. Was she screwing this up? "Try me. You want to go out for drinks? Let's drink. Want to leave me behind and go with your friends? I'll be at home waiting for you. You want to look at other girls?" she stopped, realizing what she was saying, then realized that there was no going back, "Look away. As long as you come back to me, go sow your wild oats. You can even tell me about it," she swallowed hard, "I can be one of the guys when you need me to."

"I can't believe it," Joey muttered, "It's real."

"It's real alright," Madison said, hopeful that he was starting to believe her, "Whatever you need, I'm it. You're the best possible outcome for me, Joey Granger, just make room in your life for me and I'll be happy."

She shifted her weight nervously, glancing down at her sneakers. The stairwell was cold, the air heavy with silence. She had said so much, offered so much, but he didn't respond right away. It was starting at her again, his eyes considering, as if he was doing some sort of complicated math. What was so hard? Madison knew she wasn't exactly what he wanted, but she also knew that most guys found her hot. And she was willing to change almost anything about herself for Joey, to be with Joey. Whatever it took to be with him was worth it. She'd be lucky to be with him.

"I'm not sure I understand all of this," Joey finally said, "or that I get where it's all going, but I think I'd better say yes." He took a deep breath, "Why don't we try to get to know each other a bit," he said, "Not you trying to learn about me then erase everything about yourself to match, but really get to know each other. Maybe then I can try to fix things."

"Anything you want," she gushed, her heart beating excitedly, "Anything."

"That's not what I meant..." he began, then stopped himself, "Let's hang out after school. An hour or two. Do you like Milkshakes?"

"Do you?" she asked.

"Sure," he said.

"Then I do too."

Joey sighed a deep sigh and shook his head.

"Okay," he said, "After school, by the bike racks again."

"Thank you!" Madison squealed, leaning in and kissing him on the cheek before she realized what she was doing. She hoped Joey didn't mind, didn't hate a girl that was too physically demonstrative. If he did, of course, she could change. But for now, she cherished the warmth she felt on her lips from the brief touch of his skin. She was so lucky.