Demand the Genie tells you more about its powers

Oh you are a clever one, I like that. You might think its common sense to first figure out how this works, but no matter how many stories about magical wishes people hear, they still end up doing the dumbest shit... Okay, so let me make a short introduction to the rest. It might feel like an info dump but really, this could be vital information later down the road, so listen up.

Three wishes, anything goes. My powers twist reality itself, so no worries about paradoxes, true love, reviving the dead or anything like that. We can absolutely do that, just be careful what you wish for, heh. I will try to be beneficial, but sometimes people word their wishes in such a way that even my benevolence cannot save them from their mistakes.

Next, that Lamp in your hands had many previous owners and a lot of them made some minor adjustments to reality that still persist. I think I've got a list of their wishes somewhere but they're mostly irrelevant. Things like my telepathy, or not being able to extend your dick past a certain physical limit. Yes, someone was dumb enough to wish for the biggest dick ever, so I literally cannot make yours bigger then his. I know... I thought you might want to know about some of these though.

Since like the 7th century, there's been a rule about the Lamp ownership. You own it and I am bound to you until you make three wishes. And yes, that means you have to make them. You physically cannot die until you do. Don't **** this! I have seen people get really suicidal and stupid. This rule doesn't protect you from harm, painful experiences or just straight up hellish ****... It just ensures that you really get your three wishes.

Oh and speaking of ****, let's talk about mine. Don't even think about wishing for more wishes, or more Genies, or a clone machine that duplicates me, or even transfering other people's wishes to you. All of these and more have been out of the question since like the 1750's. Don't ask. I have a really bad memories from that time, just know that there is no way to make more wishes. But if you're a good boy, I might just grant you some of my magic for free. I can do that you know, not everything has to be a reality altering wish. I can just cook for you, or go on a dinner with you. You don't need to waste a wish on that, like some people...

By the way, you might not enjoy the way I sometimes narrate everything, but don't worry, you can always tune out and not listen to a word I say. One horribly self-absorbed writer made this wish and I got stuck with it.

And before I forget, I cannot directly physically harm you, but if you end up being an asshole to me, I have ways to make your life so miserable, it's beyond your imagination. Just... don't piss of the Genie, alright? We are famously vengeful.

Now, is that all? I think so. I might remember something more down the line if it's ever relevant but for now, let's go back to the bussiness at hand.