Delving Deeper

Vel found himself surrounded by a riot of color. Memories, desires, dreams, fears, all of them were swirling around him in a mad dance. Truly, Cat’s mind was a troubled one. And yet the chaos was a beautiful one, each hue a part of the tapestry that made up the girl sitting right in front of him.

Slowly, painstakingly, he got his bearings. Order, at least a semblance of it, allowed Vel to delve deeper. He could already be making changes; it would be easy to. But he was ****. Not frightened exactly, but this was not something to be taken lightly. He could cut away memories, perhaps even create new ones. But would that achieve anything, or would it just make the amazing young woman he’d barely gotten to know less herself?

He could simply attack the barriers themselves, but that would be hard. So far, his best success has always come while working with the natural inclinations of a mind. This would be going directly against it. He could do it, but it would require brute ****. And that, he feared, would carry risk with it.

He needed to look deeper, to understand her better. Vel pushed on, and what he found broke his heart.

Catalia yearned for a place she belonged, people she belonged with, for love. She yearned for a family. She had her whole life. She had been hurt time and again. By a father that never wanted her. By a mother that blamed her unjustly.

She’d not given up though, finding a place with a group of thieves, all street kids, like herself. She had belonged there, for a time, and had thought herself safe. Thought she’d had a home.

Vel could see them in her mind’s eye. A girl with dirty blonde hair and freckles, a few years older than Cat herself had been. A boy who looked almost exactly like her, probably twins. Another boy, younger than all of them, this one with tousled red hair.

Standing out among them all though was one older than the rest. A tall boy, almost a young man. He was sharp featured and had dark hair, undeniably handsome. And yet Vel could tell that Catalia’s strong feelings for him had not been romantic. He’d been a mixture of a father and older brother to the group, the first of either she’d known. The echo of her burning emotions still smoldered, and Vel could tell his sister would have been ready to die for this man.

The scene shifted though and Vel saw a cold winter night in Point Conquest. And winters in Point Conquest got cold indeed. He could almost feel it, the wind and snow driving daggers into every sliver of exposed skin.

Catalia was running through the dark streets, her threadbare clothing doing little to protect her from the elements. Vel wasn’t watching from her point of view, instead he was standing in the street while she ran past him. The fear and pain in her eyes were easy to see as she skidded on the ice trying to round a corner.

And then came the reason why. Guards, three of them all in hot pursuit of the fleeing waif. And with them, being dragged along by the arm, that tall and handsome boy.

Vel knew what had happened. The group had botched a theft and the boy had sold out Cat to save his own skin. Cold though that night had been, Catalia seemed to barely recall it. It had been as nothing compared to the icy dagger in her heart.

It been the beginning of the end. It was when the walls truly came up, and she truly closed herself off. Other betrayals came after it too, but by then she had already stopped hoping, seeing them only as confirmations of what she already knew. She was on her own and always would be.

And yet, the yearning remained. She told herself it wasn’t there; she denied it and shut it out. And the defenses she’d built to prevent being hurt again killed any chance she had of finding what she wanted.

And, perhaps most heartbreaking of all, she didn’t think she deserved any better. She was a mistake, someone who should never have been born. Her mother had certainly told her so often enough.

Vel took a deep breath, fighting back his tears. He knew where to begin now. A simple suggestion, one he felt safe and comfortable making.

“I am not at fault for others failing me, I am worthy of being loved.”

It took immense effort, but it sank in. Vel was grateful for how expansive his reserves had grown; this would take a lot out of him.