Dealing With Fuckboys

Cellphone service while deployed was sketchy. There were times it worked and times it didn't but we had access to a system that allowed us to call home. After dinner, I went to the area and made a video call to my loving husband.

"I miss you so much, damn babe it's only been a week. I can't take this," Warren admitted to me. Hearing the distress in his voice made my heart ache.

I smiled, "I miss you too. So much."

"Y'all been busy out there?"

"It's not a lot of activity. I'm far enough away from the action. Hoping to get a chance to go on one of these little trips to buy some stuff at the local market."

"Don't worry about bringing nothing home. All I want is you."

"Nothing will happen. We'll be with a guide."

"Just stay alert. You know stuff can pop off at any moment."

"I know babe."

We talked a little longer and then I headed back to my room. I saw Kelly, "Hey, what's up?"

He pulled my hand and we went for a walk, "I keep thinking about that day you came to visit me in New Mexico just out of the blue. What made you do that?"

I shrugged, "I missed you I suppose."

He stopped in his tracks, "I messed up." His eyes shined on me sweetly, "When you came back and we, you know—"

"Yeah, I know what we did. It shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have returned."

He held my hands, "No, you came because you still loved me and I loved you too. Our love was so strong that we made love that night and I have not stopped thinking about us. I mean I'm happy with my wife and son but I keep wondering—"

"I was pregnant."

The earth seemed as if it stopped moving. His eyes squinted, "Oh fuck, Jackie, what are you saying?"

My eyes watered as he looked at me with hurt, "I returned because I was pregnant. I was going to tell you but—"

I saw tears fall from his eyes.

"I'm sorry. When you said that you were getting married, I just—"

"Damn, I wish you would have told me."

"I understand if you never want to speak to me again."

He shook his head and pulled me close. We shared a deep hug that two friends with nothing but respect and love would share as we comforted one another. "I think I messed up, it's probably why I can't have kids now," I said as I stepped back.

He touched my chin, "No, you know better than that."

"I don't actually. All I know is how I feel right now and that's like a failure. I know he wants kids. I just hope he doesn't wake up one day hating me because I couldn't give them to him."

He hugged me again and kissed the top of my head, "It's okay Wilkes."

"It's Wilson."

"You'll always be my Wilkes."

I chuckled through my pain as he held me close.

********

As I sat in my room, my mind ran wild with what could have been if I had said something but my thoughts were interrupted when I heard voices by the widow. It was early in the morning around 1:00 am. I heard Ro say, "So what was all that shit you were talking about? You were going to get transferred to Florida so we could be closer.?"

He chuckled, "Come on Hernandez, look at me."

"I am looking at you...just a pretty fuckboy with community dick and slick words."

It was at that time; I left my bed and was at the door. I opened it just in time to witness him grab the lapels on her uniform. I cleared my throat and said, "Is there a problem?"

His eyes cut into me but he saw how I approached him with a mini bat in hand. He released her and chuckled, "And what are you supposed to do?"

"By myself...not much but together we will whip your mother fucking ass, try it."

He stepped back, "Hey yo, fuck both of y'all. Easy bitches."

"Yo momma was a ho too, remember that."

He gave us the finger before walking away. I looked at her and she had to smirk, "You called his momma a ho."

I laughed, "She is a ho and so is his daddy."

We went into our room. She commenced to remove her uniform, "Fuck, I don't even feel like taking a shower," she said in a depressed tone.

"Um, you gone wash your ass whether you feel like it or not. Don't let that fool disturb your spirit."

"I should have listened to you. He was just a fuckboy and now he's fucking that Garcia chick," she said with her eyes watering, "and worst of all, I don't think it's going to work out with me and Diego. I can't take him constantly leaving me with our son. I get lonely I need my man home with me."

I hugged her, "He did say he'd slow down."

She sucked her teeth, "He's already accepted a six-month tour to Korea starting in December. Like what the fuck?"

"I'm sorry. Maybe it's the last one."

"That's what he said the last three times. He keeps leaving. Are we not enough for him?"

"Don't say that. You mean everything to him. That's why he works so hard."

"No. He does that shit for himself. He likes feeling like the big man that everyone can count on."

All I could do was hold her. Spouses sign up for the military too, it didn't make it easier that she was also a member of the service. All she knew was she needed her man and he wasn't available to her. That was real shit. My mother went through it and I felt it as well as a dependent when my father was deployed.

"It's okay. I'm here." I allowed her to vent. I didn't say anything. She needed to get it all off her chest. And she did that night. Afterward, she got in the shower. By the time she finished, I was nearly dosing off but she got into the twin-sized bed with me. I laughed.

"I'm going to switch with the other supply person. I want to work mornings with you."

"That's a great idea."

"It won't disturb anything you have going on?" she asked as she nudged me playfully.

I chuckled, "Um, ma'am the only person that comes into this room besides me is you."

"Come on Jackie, spill the tea."

"There's no tea to spill. I mean. I did tell him about the baby."

"Girl. Shut the front door! What did he say?"

"That he wished I would have said something."

"So...that means, girl, how do you feel?"

At that moment, I contemplated if I should let the words fall out of my mouth. I took a deep breath, "I don't know."

"Jackie, I just spilled my whole world to you. Come on, no judgments."

I smiled, "Part of me will always love Kelly. I never thought about marriage and kids before meeting a guy like him. When I went back to tell him about the baby, part of me was so scared after finding out about his engagement with his ex-girlfriend. I wondered if what we had was strong enough for him to choose me. And now that I'm sitting here knowing that it would have, it kills me. And don't get me wrong, I love Warren to pieces but I also feel like I'm letting him down."

She hugged me, "Come here crazy, you're not letting him down. That man loves him some you. I wish Diego put me above everything like Warren does for you."

We fell asleep. That morning, I got up to get ready for work. And she requested to have her shift changed but it would take a few days to get approved.

******

Things had quieted down by the second week of September. I didn't get any more scowls from Corporal McMann and his band of bumbling dickheads. Ro and I were back to normal, and she had let the idea of leaving her husband go.

She realized it was the life of a military spouse and that she knew no man was going to be as good to her as Diego had been. He was a good husband and a great father.

As we sat at having lunch with Kelly and Lawson, I had one of the food services workers bring over cupcakes, we began a rendition of Stevie Wonder's Happy Birthday and sang to Kelly.

"Wow, you guys remembered. Thanks."

"Of course, I remembered. These two are just here," I joked.

"This means a lot. Being away from home. Away from my son, my family."

"Don't you go getting teary-eyed on us."

He bit into his chocolate cupcake with white icing, "Not bad."

Then we all dug in.

Later that day, we all signed up to go on the shopping trip to the local markets for Saturday morning.

******

Morning. We prepared for our day and headed to chow. After eating, we met at the location for the tour. The women were handed hijabs and abayas to wear. We were told to put on the abaya but the hijab was optional, however, if someone said something to us, we were to put it on. So, we had it readily available just in case.

We were in a fifteen-passenger van. I was sitting next to Kelly and across from us were Ro and Lawson. We were eager to spend some money at the market. As we drove, I got to look at the area. It wasn't often they let us out of our areas but when they did, they provided us with great accommodations.

We ended up at this market busy with people walking to and fro. We were encouraged to stay in tight groups. Of course, we had our group of four and one other girl that was stationed in New Mexico wanted to hang with us.

I saw Cabugao, McMann, the new girl, and their other two friends form a group and there was another group that had three girls and one guy. We had instructions to stay in the immediate area. He didn't have to worry about me venturing off.

As we explored, the one girl named SrA Jessica Lynwood who had a head full of bright blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail was standing next to me when a man approached us. He pointed at her and spoke in Arabic.

"What is he saying?" she asked me as if I was fluent in Arabic. I knew three phrases. But I could tell by how he pointed at her head and monition with his hand that he wanted her to wear the hijab.

"I think he wants you to wear your hijab."

As soon as she donned it, he walked away happily. We all looked at each other it was intense for a moment.

We went exploring the area looking at various items. Colorful scarves, beautiful cups, ornaments, rugs, and jewelry. I knew my mother would love the ornaments. She collected such items whenever she'd travel. It would have looked great in her loving room.

I dropped about the equivalent of 200 American dollars but it was worth it. As we were looking for a bite to eat close by, another group was at the same spot. "Hey Ro, baby, you wanna swing by our tent later?" he said smugly.

"Ignore him," I said to her.

"Oh papi, I think she's a little jealous that you've moved on," said his little bed winch.

"Ma'am, I think you should not be out here participating in Abel's fuckery like y'all gone run off in the sunset and get married. He has a dirty bird and from what I hear, ain't much of it," I said to piss him off. I didn't know what his dick looked like nor did Ro ever tell me. But I knew it would shut him the fuck up.

His nostrils flared, "I'll show how bug my dick is...come by tonight."

"She won't she's too busy sucking the Chair ****'s little cock," said McMann.

"Shut the fuck up dude," replied Kelly to McMann, "I'm looking for a reason to beat your ass."

"Bring it, I'm right here."

"Let's just go," I said to Kelly.

"Hey, Wilson if ever wanna try a big white cock, I got you, babe."

I looked back and said, "I'm sure that little sweet pickle dick would get lost in my pussy. Now fuck off, McMann."

Needless to say, he wanted to fight me but there was no way Kelly was going to let that happen. All McMann did was huff and puff letting his friends hold him back as if he was really going to hit me.

******

The ride back was grimly quiet. I just wanted off that van with those idiots. In fact, I wanted out of that assignment. There were still six weeks to go. Fuck, fuck, fuck, I repeated in my head.

Once back in the secure area, everyone was funneled out of the van. We headed back to our designated areas. I went to drop my things off because I had to go make a quick call to let Warren know I made it back safely from the shopping trip. On my way to make the call, I saw Kelly. We walked together.

After our calls, we headed back to our rooms. I said to him, "Thanks for sticking up for me today."

"You know you're my girl. I would never let anyone hurt you in my presence."

I smiled. He reached for my hand and there we were looking into each other's eyes for what seemed like forever until finally, I chuckled, "You know we can't."

He touched my chin, "I know. But I know we both want to."

I didn't confirm or deny it. "I'll see you in the morning, Jonathan."

He hummed when I said his name, "I'll see at chow, Jacqueline," he said before turning and going to his room.

I started walking. I felt like I was being watched or followed. I kept turning to see if anyone was behind me but I didn't see anything. I decided that maybe I was being paranoid but then I heard his voice, "Jacqueline Wilson, does your husband know you're out here fucking that white boy?"

"Abel, mind your business."

"Just saying if you wanna see how big my dick is...I can take you to my tent right now and show you."

"No thanks."

He stopped in front of me and stared, "You know that first day when I made that comment, I was talking to you. It was you that I wanted."

"And what? I'm supposed to be flattered."

He sucked his teeth, "That's your problem. You're one of those girls that think she's too much. Just because you have pretty hair and a nice shape. You want guys to kiss your ass."

"Well, you have a good night, Cabugao," I replied as if I didn't care.

He grabbed my wrist, "Don't be fucking stupid," I said to him. He had this wild look in his eyes. In his mind, he was good-looking enough that not many girls turned him down.

He released my wrist and sucked his teeth before walking off. After that, I hurried to my room and promised to stay clear of him and the other goons for the rest of my deployment.

****

I walked through the door. Ro was sitting on her bed, "Damn that took long, or were you doing other things?"

I shook my head and sighed as I removed my clothes, "I wasn't doing anything."

"I wish I had your willpower," she commented as she got under the covers.

I got in bed wearing a pair of short shorts and a racerback. My willpower. It wasn't as strong as she thought. I needed those next several weeks to fly by. I realized I might have to limit my interactions with Kelly. There was too much energy between us and neither of us wanted to hurt the people we loved for a moment of decadent pleasure.