Dark Waters and a Walk on the Beach

Thomas hurled a small rock into the ocean and paused. He watched as the brief white splash dissipated into the dark water, unphased by the temporary disturbance as the tide ebbed and flowed against the shore. He let out a deep breath before turning and trudging along through the cool sand, uncertain of where he was going other than away from the beach house. The moon was faint, a sliver light in the distance. Along with the few lights from the houses along the beach there was just enough light to see, but enough darkness to help him feel alone.

It had only been a week and things were back to normal. “Normal” as in Rachel back to working long hours, lost in work, and barely there when she was home. He knew she had the end of summer gala coming up, but he thought they were making some headway and getting better. When he noticed Rachel was falling back into the work void he tried to talk to her, using the techniques their counselor had suggested by speaking up and telling her how he felt. As he replayed their argument again in his head he knew he had been too forward. Too gruff. A project at work had fallen behind and he had been stressed too. He knew he should’ve waited and picked a better time to talk, but it just happened. Then again, who plans an argument?

As Thomas continued along the beach he tried to clear his head and just listen to the waves. The sound was calming. A steady rhythmic woosh that helped put his mind at ease. There was a pier in the distance. It looked empty, but either way, he told himself he’d make that his stopping point before going back and hopefully he’d have a clearer head. Rachel knew he was out for a walk, but it was late and he didn’t want to get too far.

A Few Months Ago

Thomas hated being here. The room was cozy, but the coziness felt artificial and staged. A room meant to create a certain atmosphere and feeling. The decorations were minimal, likely to prevent distraction, but it was what the room represented that made him feel sad and wanting to run out of there as fast as he could.

“So Rachel, Thomas, have you thought about my previous suggestion?” The counselor paused. “Summer is coming up and you’ve both stated that your jobs are more flexible these days, Lucy and Nathan will be out of school, and I think a change of setting might help you focus, not only on each other but all together as a family.”

Rachel perked up from the couch next him. “Yes, we have. A friend of mine has a beach house that’s not too far away and has offered to let us use it for part of the summer.”

“And Thomas, how do you feel about this?” The counselor asked.

“I’m not sure much will change, except where we argue. Plus,” Thomas turned to look at Rachel, “won’t that just mean you’ll get home even later with the longer drive?”

“If I might interject,” the counselor said. “Yes, you might still argue and I’m not suggesting a new setting will fix that, but sometimes getting outside of your comfort zone or routine can give you a new perspective on things. Plus, the beach, the sun, and the sand... I think it could be a good thing. Remember, you both need to be open to change. It’s the only way that these things can get better. That said, Rachel, I’m giving you some homework. In fact, both of you will have homework.”

Rachel’s face scrunched up at the idea of more work and Thomas wasn’t too happy about her taking on more tasks either, plus, the idea of more work on his plate.

“Rachel, I need you to actually take some time off from work. Thomas is right, if you’re going to have a longer commute to work, then you’ll need to make up for it by being home more. Also, you’ll need to be more intentional with your time spent with Thomas and the kids, separately and together. And I want you to start now before you get overwhelmed or in a new routine at the beach house.”

Rachel nodded, but Thomas could see the gears rolling in her head, knowing she was probably going through her case list, trying to figure out what to prioritize or move or find some way to not be able to get away from work.

“And Thomas, while I admire your patience as much as I do Rachel’s determination in her work, you also need to be more forgiving when Rachel’s job demands her time. If she needs to stay late to have the next day free, then you need to give her the space and the grace to do that. That said, I’m giving you the task of being more honest and open with your feelings. When you feel Rachel is slipping away and becoming more distant or lost in her work, you need to tell her. Gently and lovingly of course. But instead of trying to be the patient saint and letting your emotions bottle up, take her hand and tell her how you’re feeling and let her know you and the kids need her. Understood?”

Thomas nodded. He knew the demands of Rachel’s job were high and how much she enjoyed her work so he never wanted to be the demanding husband or make her feel she needed to be the stay-at-home housewife, but he did miss her. His father had been the hard driving alpha male of his family and it drove him and his mother away, so Thomas naturally adopted the opposite mentality of trying to be quiet and accommodating, but sometimes that meant being too passive.

“And one more thing. I’d like to suggest a nanny.” The counselor stopped and held up a hand as Rachel started to interject. “Rachel, I know you’ve said in the past that you’re not a fan of the idea and I know Thomas is flexible enough to work from home and watch the kids, but I think you both need the extra pair of hands so you can spend some time on these things and the things we’ve been working on so far. Plus, it’ll free you up to have more time and energy for each other, and allow your time with Lucy and Nathan to be more meaningful and less about day-to-day chores and tasks.”

Rachel settled back on the couch. Thomas wasn’t a fan of getting a nanny either as he had a nice routine with the kids, but he agreed they needed the extra help.

Rachel looked over at him. “I guess I can start doing some research or you can? Maybe find someone before summer?”

“Might I suggest a service?” the counselor interjected. “ It’s one we’ve used before and no, we don’t tell them you’re in counseling, but their nannies are excellent and work well with families who have similar struggles.”

Thomas looked at Rachel. She had faith in their counselor as she had done most of the research as if she had been prepping for a case so advice from her was better than any he could suggest. Plus, any suggestion was better than having to do all the legwork themselves. “Sure.”

“Wonderful. I’ll have Carla get you their card, but if I forget, the service is called ‘Forever Hearts’. I think you’ll be very happy with them.”

The temperature was starting to drop and Thomas had been staring out from the end of the pier for a while now. It was getting later and he needed to head back, but the calming peace was hard to say goodbye to.

He took one last big breath as he watched the lighthouse in the distance flicker in sync with the ocean crashing into the pillars below. Everything seemed in its perfect place out here, he just wished he could make it the same at home.

As Thomas turned to make his way back down the pier and back home he nearly jumped out of his skin as he saw Aubrey standing here just a few feet away.