Cupid’s Mistake - a conversation that shouldn’t have happened

After about seven minutes of being thrown around a color-filled hell, I finally landed in a realm I could comprehend. I landed face-first on the ground.

I groaned as I pulled myself from the floor. I was in some sort of rich asshole’s dining room. A chandelier hung overhead, seemingly glowing with diamonds and strung with gold. The walls and ceiling were filled with paintings of ancient myths. I wasn’t super familiar with all of them, but I recognized the trident that Poseidon uses in one, so I put the pieces together.

Sitting at the table were two identical women. They both wore short, wavy red hair with a streak of white. Together, they had four blindingly bright blue eyes that stared at my landing spot. Once I stood, I saw more of their figures. They both wore simple white dresses that went down to the middle of their thigh. They seemed on the shorter side, with a skinny frame.

“Stand up, boy.” One spoke with a stern tone. It was the one closer to me. I obeyed promptly, though I would have gotten up regardless of the command.

“Where the hell am I?” I asked, rubbing my head. I didn’t hurt, but my body knew it should hurt from the fall, so I felt phantom pains.

“One of my many spiritual palaces I’ve constructed within the bounds of time.” She replied. “I am Aphrodite. Don’t call me Venus, or I will become angry. I don’t want to be angry.”

“Uh… alright. Well, I just talked to Cupid and sent me here. He was also a lot uglier than I’d have thought he would be.”

“Ugly?” She asked. “He should look like your ideal sexual partner… if you were gay, that is.”

“What? No, he was, like, fat and gross.”

“Sorry, but your inner psyche doesn’t lie; if you were gay, you’d be into large, nasty men. Not like it matters, since you’re straight.” She shrugged. The other girl at the table was giggling at the conversation.

“Oh. Okay. Weird.” I pointed at Aphrodite and then at the girl at the table. “And you look like her for… the same reason, I assume?”

Aphrodite grinned. “Mhm… bright one, you. Well, I have a tattoo in your mind because you find that sexy, but apart from that, yes.”

The girl at the table frowned. “A tattoo? I’d never considered getting one….”

Aphrodite smiled. “Yes, but in his fantasy you have it right here.” She pointed to right above her crotch.

The girl snorted. “A reverse tramp-stamp? Really?”

Aphrodite laughed with her. “I know; men, right?”

I cleared my throat. “Uh… I hate to be that guy, but I don’t think you’re right. I’ve never liked a redhead before. How would that be my dream vision? No offense, by the way.”

“You don’t know what you like until you try it! You were supposed to fall in love with the red hair over time, but obviously… well, that won’t happen now.”

The girl spoke up. “Ooooh… I was wondering why he didn’t look like Chris Hemsworth!”

Aphrodite smiled. “If only, right? Anyway: let’s get to business, shall we?”

Aphrodite snapped her finger and I was suddenly sat across the table from the redhead. A look down revealed that I had been switched from my pajamas into a fancy suit that was perfectly tailored for me.

Aphrodite, now the only one standing out of us three, clasped her hand together to get our attention. “Now then: you two shall have a nice night in my palace. You’ll be served a dinner to get time to know each other, then you are free to wander the halls talking… or finding a bedroom, if you so please. I’m not here to tell you how to spend your one night together… but I suggest some fucking, right? I mean, makes sense to me.”

The other girl giggled. I felt a bit weird, since I was technically still dating Grace… and I didn’t know this girl… and the whole situation was off-putting, yeah?

“Okay, I’ll get out of you two’s hair. We will never meet again.” Aphrodite blew a kiss and vanished into thin air.

Once the goddess was gone, I turned my attention to the girl in front of me. She returned the gaze with a smile.

“Crazy stuff, huh?” She said, gesturing to our surroundings with a hand.

“Uh… yeah. Very much so.”

There was a pause of awkward silence. Despite multiple gods telling me that the woman in front of me was my soulmate, it was kind of hard to believe. She was pretty, don’t get me wrong, but… not quite my type? Even outside of physicality, the idea of someone I have never met (and… will never meet?) was more than strange.

Her eyes would meet mine and we’d both look away, focusing on something else in the room. Admittedly, the paintings around the room were gorgeous, so there was plenty to look at. This went on for a few minutes until a floating outfit walked up to us.

“May I take your order?” Asked the being. It was a waiter outfit, so I put two-and-two together.

“Uh… this is, like, not real, right? So, I can order whatever?” I asked.

The clothes didn’t answer.

“A steak?”

The clothes turned to the lady, so I guess it worked.

“Can you get me a burger and fries from Jeremy’s?” She asked. “It’s this place from my town, they have the best food.”

The waiter walked away. I guess anything and everything was possible. I felt silly now for ordering a basic steak.

“So… your name is?” She asked, finally breaking the tension between us. “I’m Autumn, by the way.”

I told her my name. You already know my name, so I won’t bother telling you.

“What do you do?” She followed up with another first date-esque question.

“Oh, I write.”

“Woah! For a living?” She seemed genuinely excited to hear.

I nodded. “I probably couldn’t if I lived alone, but me and my girlfriend Grace split rent and stuff, and she’s paid pretty well.”

Autumn winced. “Oh… girlfriend. Is this, like… weird, then?”

I shrugged. “I think it would have been, but Cupid told me she’s cheating on me, so I guess I’m dumping her when… well, when this thing is over.”

Autumn frowned. “Aw, damn, dude. That sucks.”

I nodded. “Yeah… apparently with twelve different guys, too. Just excessive, if you ask me.”

Her eyes went wide and I could tell she was holding back a laugh. “T-twelve?! Where does she find the time!?”

I snorted, which opened the flood gates for her to laugh.

She put a hand up, as though she was trying to calm herself down. “Fuck, I’m sorry; I shouldn’t laugh. You just caught me off guard with the… amount.”

I shrugged. “Ah, it’s alright. This whole things got me kind of… numb right now, so I’m not too bothered.”

“Well, again: I’m real sorry about that.”

I gave her a dismissive hand wave. “Just tell me what you do, eh? Change the subject.”

Autumn nodded. “I know it’s, like, sooo basic, but I social media manager. I went to college for it, though! I’m not a bimbo or anything! I have to study algorithms and shit. It’s waaay harder than you’d think.”

I grinned. “So… your job is to watch TikTok?” I teased.

Autumn rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, never heard that one before.”

The waiter returned, two plates floating where his hands would have been. He placed our respective meals in front of us, along with some wine. Fitting for me, but not so much the burger across from me. Autumn didn’t seem to mind, though; she took a sip and followed with a bite of her order.

“I know you didn’t ask, but I am single. I’ve been single for a while, actually. Not great with guys, in all honesty. I’d always dreamed I’d meet my lucky guy, but… ah… guess not, huh?” She looked down at the end of her sentence, the weight of our reality seeming to hit her harder than it was hitting me.

“I never really thought about ‘true love’ or whatever. I was under the impression we were just sacks of meat made to reproduce. I assumed science was right, not, you know, ancient deities that have been out of fashion for thousands of years.”

Autumn giggled. “Yeah, I was surprised to find a pretty girl waking me up as well. I assumed this was a dream at first, but Aphrodite showed me some magic stuff and explained a little bit about all this. I’m sure Eros did the same to you.”

I sighed. “He showed me all of human history. Kind of fried my brain. Did you know George Washington was secretly Chinese?”

Autumn tilted her head. “What? That seems ridiculous.”

“I know! I feel like someone would have noticed-“

“No, dummy; I mean the way he showed you. Aphrodite just turned my lamp into diamonds.”

“What?!”

“I know! When I wake up, I’m selling that shit!”

“You got it way better.”

Autumn nodded. “Anyway, I don’t really want to talk god-stuff anymore. This is about us, right?”

I shrugged. “Sure. What do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know! Anything?! We’re meeting our soulmates for the one and only time and we know nothing about each other! You’re supposed to know each other’s hopes, dreams, fears, kinks, secrets, etc. etc…. And what do I know about you? Your name and job?” Autumn sighed.

I reached a hand over the table and took hers into my own, squeezing softly. “Okay then, let’s talk.”

We talked for hours. I won’t tell you what we said; that’s for Autumn and I. I’ll tell you this, though: the gods were right. This was the most amazing woman I’d ever met. She was gorgeous, funny, brilliant, kind, caring, and every other positive attribute I could think of. I was in awe of her passions. I was enamored by her secrets. I was blown away by her personality.

I can’t speak for her, but I think she felt the same towards me. Her eyes sparkled when I would let information drip from me. I began slowly at first; I’m not good at opening up. But, once I had a few drinks, I felt myself wanting to tell her all I had. She was seemingly the one person in the world who could understand me.

A deep sadness filled me as our conversation went on. It was amazing, of course, but there was an invisible hourglass that was slowly losing sand that loomed in the back of my mind. How much longer did I have with the love of my life? I couldn’t be sure.

We talked for hours. It was the best moments of my life.

Eventually, the most beautiful woman I’d ever met looked me in the eyes in a way she hadn’t this entire time. The next sentence she uttered was more heavenly than any song or sound I could ever or would ever hear: “Hey… why don’t we go find a bedroom?”