Confidence is Key

Job interviews are bullshit, aren't they? Let's be honest here, employers get a stack of CVs, they pick their favourite for whatever criteria, representation, potential, hotness, whatever, and then they pretend like everyone else has a chance when in reality they made up their minds before you even walked in the door. It's a good metaphor for life really, isn't it? The chosen few get to win and the rest of us get to make do with scraps. Well, not today. Today I'm going to be un-fucking-deniable... I kinda have to be.

After our study session yesterday Rouge helped me with interview prep, maybe it's pointless, but at the very least I'm not going to embarrass myself. I'd gone home at lunch today to change into the most professional outfit I own... Which isn't much. A grey pencil skirt, white blouse, and dark tights. I look like a secretary from a bad porn film. I considered wearing glasses to make myself look smarter, but I doubt that's gonna be the deciding factor. The interview's in this little coffee shop, I got here early so now I'm just torturing myself, checking everyone who comes in to see if they're the interviewer. An old lady, a couple of kids, some 80's looking chick, a guy in a sharp suit... Wait, that could be the one. I watch him head towards the counter, unsure if I should make my presence known.

"Scarlet, right?" A voice catches me by surprise, and I turn back to see the 80's woman. White leather coat, dark blue t-shirt, matching blue pinstripe trousers... There's no way, right?

"Erm, yeah, that's me." I admit, evaluating my visitor. Maybe an intern or something? She looks late twenties, short dirty-blonde hair, maybe a messenger to tell me the interview's been cancelled? I turned my phone off, so if they texted me I wouldn't know.

The woman smiles and takes a seat across from me. "Thank God, how awkward would that've been to get wrong? I'm Lauren, by the way!" She introduces herself.

Lauren? As in the executive? As in the one Jasper knows? Minnie's cousin? This is the formidable force I've been told about? The woman so in demand her assistant's best guess for getting a message for her was 'some time in the next calendar year?'

"Oh, hi! I... Erm, I didn't know you'd be doing the interview, thank you for making the time to meet with me." I regroup. This is still an interview, I should make a good impression.

"Uh huh, do you know if they sell beer here? I've been craving a cold one all day, I'd have one at the office but Moira gets all 'I'm gonna call HR' and stuff, it's been a long week, I mean, let me handle my workload, you know?" Lauren responds. I don't think she was listening... Wait, what? Beer? Gossiping? I did come for an interview, right? "Doesn't look like it... To Hell with it, you know any good bars around here?"

The Free Ride's not too far from here, it's a Thursday so it should be quiet. Wait, what am I thinking? I can't take the interviewer to a bar... Can I? I mean... It's always good to be seen as resourceful... It couldn't make it any worse. Unless she's homophobic, but I doubt Jasper would've recommended me in that case... Unless he doesn't know.

I've been quiet for an unusual amount of time for social interaction, haven't I?

"Yeah, yeah. I know a place near here, did... Did you want to do the interview there?" I ask, almost scared of the answer.

Lauren's hand slams on the table in excitement. "Hell yeah, I'll interview you like you've never been interviewed before!" She decides.

But... But I haven't been interviewed before...

*

"Thanks Jessie." I smile as the bartender delivers drinks to our booth. My suspicions were right, the place is almost dead, Jessie and Skye seemed surprised to see me, but I didn't have much time to explain... I'll fill them in later.

Lauren immediately takes a large swig of her bottle of beer and sets it back down with a satisfied 'aah' before looking back to me. "Alright, let's do this thing, so... Why do you want to work for us? What can you bring to the table? You know... Tell me things." She requests vaguely.

What's the opposite of nerve-wracking? It's this. This exact situation. "Well, I'm eighteen, nineteen in a couple of weeks, I'm graduating school soon, only one exam left, my predictors are all on my CV, and my tutor's confident in them." I begin... Wait... Is she... Is she looking at her phone? Maybe she has notes on it? It sure looks like she's shopping, but maybe she can multi-task? Surely it's rude either way? "Erm... I wanted to come work for you so I can put my skills to use, rather than just going to uni and learning more things I probably already know... Other than that, I'm pretty good with computers, I've got a pretty good handle on French at this point, I'm easy to talk to, I take direction-"

"Hold up." She suddenly states. "Back up a second. French wasn't one of your subjects on your CV, why do you speak it?"

That's... A very specific thing to pick out of my rambling, but... I mean, being bilingual is a useful skill, so maybe they like that sort of thing?

"Oh, well, I didn't learn it in school, I had German, and I dropped it the first chance I got!" I explain. "I started learning French just over six months ago, my partner's family is French so I wanted to be able to talk with them... And more with her, I guess."

"Her..." Lauren thinks out loud. "What's her name?" She enquires.

"Erm... Elise, honestly, she's the reason I want the job, we want to move in together and... Well, I need the money... Sorry, is this still part of the interview?" I try to clarify.

Lauren leans back in her chair like she's considering my words. "Alright, you're hired." She announces.

What?

Is that how it works?

Do they instantly hire lesbians or something?

"Honestly, Moira made me hand out cards to other business for headhunting, but that stuff is boring, so I only gave out one card and I figured whoever Jasper picked would be fine, so you'd have the job either way." Lauren explains nonchalantly. That fills me with so much confidence and yet so little. "But, talking with you... He made the right call, I think you'll fit in well with our lot... Just, do me a favour, ditch the librarian get-up when you start, you're clearly uncomfortable in it, just wear whatever you like."

I have a job? Just like that? I mean I know I said these things are basically rigged, but this time it's actually in my favour? This doesn't seem real. Is this going to end up being a pyramid scheme? Or a cult? Am I going to have to donate to a Nigerian general to get my pay check? Are they all vampires? What's the catch here?

"Sorry, I'm excited, I really am, I just didn't expect this to be so..." I trail off, my mind racing with every possible word to try not to go with 'weird.'

"I don't like the filler stuff, gets in the way, honestly, the day-to-day is easy, a monkey could do it, but Moira insisted we couldn't hire one..." She replies, taking a pause to stare longingly into the distance. "Anyway, the point is, I don't care if you're good at the job, you'll get good, I care if you're going to be enjoyable to be around, and that's enough for me. Besides, huge sucker for teenage romance, so, you know, invite me to your wedding one day and we're square."

Yep. This is Minnie's cousin alright. I don't know if I'm curious or terrified to see how this company manages to stay afloat with her at helm, probably both, excited, I guess.

I'm more excited to tell Elise.

We're getting our own place, baby!