Confessions

Helen did her best to be polite the following morning but she wanted to go. She made her excuses and got out of there as quickly as she could. She was a mess even if she didn’t show it externally. There was a part of her that was convinced that she was on her way to end her marriage. She didn’t want to but she couldn’t live with what she had done. Mike deserved to know. Maybe he would forgive her and they could work on fixing things or maybe she would be thrown out. She probably deserved it. If it wasn’t for the need to focus on the road she would have broken down. The occasional sobs would escape but she held it together.

She slammed on the breaks as she pulled into the driveway and she dashed from the car and into the house. She barged in and she heard “Hi love,” come from the living room. She went in and found Mike reading on his tablet. She stood in front of him, her fists balled up at her sides and tears started to flow and she wailed as she released all the emotions she had been holding on to so she could drive.

Mike was horrified to see her in such a state and he jumped up to hold her but she pulled away from him. “Don’t touch me, I don’t deserve your comfort,” she wailed. Mike reached out and managed to coax the frantic Helen to sit next to him on the sofa. He couldn’t get out of her what the matter was and he was beside himself with worry. He had never seen her like this.

He got her a glass of water and the act of drinking made her get some degree of control. He sat beside he and held her hand. “Please love. Tell me what’s wrong?”

Helen spoke between sobs. “I’ve done, something awful. I don’t know if you will be able to forgive me.”

An alarm went off in Mike’s head. She has done something unforgivable? She had already done quite a lot that most men would see as unforgivable so what on earth could have triggered this response? “I love you, I don’t care what you have done but please tell me.”

Helen looked at him with mournful eyes. “I’ve ruined our marriage. I cheated on you.”

Mike heart was thumping in his chest. The words were like a dagger but one that he had been hoping for. He couldn’t let her see the part of him that wanted to jump for joy, after all, there was still too much he didn’t know. Was she leaving him? That would be heartbreaking. He needed to know more. “Tell me what happened?”

“I went to lunch with Sofia before we went shopping and she asked me if I’d mind playing around with her and having some girly fun so I said yes but she wanted Will to watch. I thought it would be harmless but I got too into it and I ended up sucking on Will’s penis and he came on us. I’m so sorry.”

There was a lot to unpack there. “Hang on. What do you mean when you say ‘girly fun’?”

“Just playing around in bed as girls do,” Helen said, a matter of factly.

“You know that’s not a thing right? Girls don’t just do sexy stuff with each other. That’s cheating as much as anything else.”

Helen looked paler than usual. “No, it’s just something I wasn’t aware of because of my upbringing it has to be.”

Mike couldn’t believe it, she genuinely had not believed she was cheating. He looked at her and she was looking at him with an almost **** expression. “I’m sorry love but that is still cheating. Have you been doing stuff with girls?”

Helen covered her mouth, her eyes wide with shock and panic. She nodded. She reached out and gripped him by his shirt manically. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know, you have to believe me. I didn’t know.”

Mike calmed her down and said “Tell me what happened last night and what was so different that you suddenly feel like this.”

She described the sequence of events in almost a trance. The shock of discovering that she had been unfaithful all this time had been too much. She knew he was right. She had always known that what she had been doing was wrong but she had been lying to herself despite the fact that she had been keeping it a secret. “And after he came in her we all lay on the bed and I realised what I had done and I knew I had to tell you.” She looked him in the eye and the emotions came back. “Oh Mike, I’m so sorry.” She fell forward and put her head on his chest and sobbed while she pleaded for forgiveness.

Mike held her and processed what he had heard and what he should do next. He didn’t like this. He didn’t want her to be like this. He loved her and her pain was pain to him too. If it hadn’t been for the weight of the situation he would have been completely aroused by what had happened. His best friend got a blowjob from his wife. From two women, in fact. Mike hadn’t ever felt Helen’s lips on his cock. He wanted her to feel the same way about what she had done with Will as what she had done with the girls. He only prayed that he hadn’t ruined that by telling her it was cheating.

He could only see one way out. It was as much risk to their relationship as her confession to him. He would tell her how he really felt. “I’m not angry,” he said softly. “No, that’s not true. I am a bit upset that you have been hiding things from me but I’m not upset by what you did.”

Helen sat up, sniffing. “You aren’t? Why?”

“I’ve loved you since we were children. I could always see how beautiful you were. It was hampered by your prudishness and your dress sense but you were always far more beautiful than you realised. When we married and made love I was shocked by how you responded to me. I thought that maybe I was an exceptional lover but I realised that I wasn’t. I had enough life experience to know that I was not well endowed, that I was average looking at best and that I didn’t last long in bed. Yet I could bring you to orgasm every time and when we made love I could feel a different you hidden there.

“She was exciting, that hidden you. She wanted to make love even more than I was able to. You hid it well but I could tell you would have made love every night if I wanted to. The hidden you always seemed to want just a bit more than I was able to give. I became obsessed with that hidden you. An image of that you in your body became my every fantasy. I couldn’t satisfy her. She wanted more than I could give and that became very erotic for me.

“When we moved I decided that I wanted to try and bring that other you out. She felt like a part of you that was being suppressed and I hated the idea that our past was forcing you to suppress your true self. I bought that dress to open you up a bit and I think you wanted to open up too. You looked like you were enjoying getting rid of those blocks our families had put there. I asked Maisy to help by talking to you and getting you to open up. I’m guessing that she did more than just talk to you.”

Helen nodded and looked ashamed. She was enthralled by Mike’s story though. “Please, go on.”

“I have been so delighted by the changes. We have done more in the last few months than we did in the rest of our marriage. You look so beautiful and glamorous now. I look at you and I feel like you are out of my league. What is that amazing looking woman doing with a man like me, I think. I don’t feel worthy and I never did as soon as I realised that there was that part of you that was too much for me to handle. So I swore to myself that if you needed other people to bring that side of you out then so be it. It didn’t stop there though and soon that decision moved into fantasy. Now I wanted you to be with other people, sexually that is. I didn’t want to lose you but I couldn’t stop thinking about that powerfully sexual Helen coming out and taking what she wanted from the world.

“I’m happy you have been doing stuff with Maisy and Sofia, can I guess Katherine as well?” Maisy nodded, her eyes wide and innocent with a look of awe on her face. “I thought so. Now you come and you tell me you sucked my best friends cock. I’m not angry. It hurts a little because you have never done that for me but I have come to realise that I’m a bit of a masochist. Maybe not for physical pain but I hear that you sucked his before mine and I feel a pain but it thrills me. That was the action of the Helen I always wanted to meet. The Helen I only saw glimpses of. Do you want to go back to being the woman afraid of her own body who winced at the mere idea of sex?”

“No, but…”

Mike shushed her. He wouldn’t let her go down whatever path she was about to take. “I don’t want you to go back to being that woman either. I loved her but she wasn’t honest, she hid things from herself. She wanted things badly but wouldn’t say them because they might not be appropriate. I loved her but I love the other Helen more. I love you more.”

Helen ears were ringing from the wight of her thoughts and feelings. She had expected this to be the end. She hadn’t wanted that but there had been a small part of her that would have resented the fact that she would have to take a step backwards. Hearing him say that he loved the new her felt good. She loved the new her as well. She was happier, more confident and she had more fun than the old her. He didn’t want her to go back. She hadn’t realised it but it was the best thing he could have said to her. Her heart swelled with love for him.

Despite his low image of himself, he was the boy she had fallen for and he was the man to who she had longed to give her body. She remembered how she had pined for that wedding night. She remembered the guilty desire to have sex but she remembered longing for it to be with him. Those feelings hadn’t changed and listening to his speech had only made her love him more.

There were other things he had said. Sexual things mixed in with the emotion. He liked what she had sone. She liked what she did with the girls and he liked what she had done with Will. On the drive home, she had resolved to abandon the part of her that enjoyed what she had done. Now it seemed like she didn’t need to. “Are you saying you liked the fact that I did what I did with Will?”

Mike hung his head. He didn’t know, judging by the sound of her voice if she was happy or disgusted by him but he stuck with honesty. “Yes, maybe not this situation but I have fantasised about you doing things with other men and women many times. I never dreamed it would be a reality until more recently, especially seeing you with Joey.”

She really had been quite flirtatious with Joey. She had enjoyed his attention and now it turned out, so did Mike. She sniffed and wiped her eyes on her sleeves. She was feeling better. “Do you, do you want me to keep doing things with other people?”

“If you like what you were doing before you felt bad about it, yes. I want you to do what you want. I want to see this side of you more but…”

“What?”

“Be more honest with me. I don’t even expect you to ask for permission but please, tell me what you get up to so I don’t have to worry. And…”

“And what?”

“Don’t stop loving me.”

Helen’s eyes filled with tears again but these were different. She reached over to him and lifted his face. His cheeks were wet with tears too. She kissed him and had to keep kissing him until he responded. “I love you, I always have and now I think I love you even more than ever.”

“I love you too.”