Clara

"This is really getting quite ridiculous," the Doctor said aloud, though he was alone in the TARDIS. "This is really... quite... ridiculous!"

He stepped away from the control console and stood there, hands on hips, daring the universe to suggest otherwise. He took a deep breath. "I feel strange and used and..." his eyebrows shot up, though not as dramatically as they should have were he still in his proper body. "...dirty!" he concluded.

"Oh, no!" he said throwing his arms into the air and turning to lean against the console again. "They've made me feel dirty!"

He lowered his head and stood there like that for some time.

"Still," he said and raised his head. "I also feel sort of... excited."

He turned and hopped over to the mirror along the far wall. He looked at his new body. Tall, well-built, handsome. Captain Jack-ish, yes, but something more. Dressed in a simple black suit.

"That is not the Doctor," he said, pointing at his reflection. "No, it most definitely is not!" He pouted.

"Oh, wonderful!" he said, nodding and looking around. "Even my pout is sexy!"

He stared at his reflection. "Not the Doctor," he whispered. "Then who?"

He chewed his lip. "Victor? Vince? Vance? Vance. Yes, that's it. I might be Vance. Of course I might be the Doctor, but I might be Vance!"

He laughed and briefly worried that he was finally going doolally, when the TARDIS landed.

"Ah!" he said and ran to the console. He flicked a switch or two and studied the scanner.

"How very interesting," he said. "Nowhere and nowhen. I've been here before; it's rubbish." He tried to dematerialize, but the TARDIS would have none of it. He couldn't set any new coordinates, and he couldn't take off.

"Fine, have it your way!" he said and flipped the door lever. The TARDIS doors swung open, and the Doctor stepped out as if he owned the place. He was standing in an opulent hotel room. It was quite huge, the decor suggesting Earth, America circa the early 1920's. He looked around the room at the wonderful furniture and trimmings and noticed that the TARDIS was no longer behind him.

"Oh, this just gets better," he said softly.

A noise caused him to turn. It was the sound of water, splashing lightly. He danced further into the room and briefly looked out the large picture windows which showed a wonderful vista of nowhere and nowhen. A corridor branched off to the left, and he followed the sound of the splashing water.

A door was open on the left wall and he peered inside. It was a large bathroom; larger than many small homes. Everwhere was Brazilian Rosewood and glinting brass. At the far end of the room, three steps lead to another level that had a large, European inspired, marble bathtub on it. The tub was nearly overflowing with bubbles and the splashing was caused by the young woman lounging in it. She was squeezing hot, sudsy water onto her face from a scrunchy. Only her arms, shoulders and face were visible from this angle, but even though her face was half-covered in bubbles, the Doctor would recognize her anywhere.

"Clara!" he said, breathlessly.

Clara jumped and water and bubbles splashed over the side of the tub onto the floor and down the steps.

"What?!" she said, wiping her face and staring at the Doctor. "How do you know my name?"

"Well," the Doctor said. "That's a long story. You don't know me then?"

"No," Clara said, and tilted her head in that way that she does. Funny, the Doctor thought, I never realized how cute that gesture was. "Who are you? What are you doing here."

"Ah well," the Doctor said. "I'm... Vance. And I'm here quite by accident, I assure you."

"You too?" Clara asked, then thought for a moment. "Let me just throw this out there. You were minding your own business, when suddenly you found yourself in this amazing hotel, looking out the window to a whole lot of grey nothing."

The Doctor nodded. "That's about it, yes."

Clara leaned back against the tub and closed her eyes. She suddenly had a very strange look on her face as if she were undergoing some sort of mental battle. When she finally opened her eyes again, her face was flushed.

"Sorry about that," she said.

"What just happened?" the Doctor asked.

"Just another little tidbit about our situation," she replied.

The Doctor was about to ask what she meant, when he felt a sudden flash through his body. He had never experience anything like it before. He didn't even have the words to describe it. In basic terms it was a sudden smothering and overwhelming sexual longing. An ache that went to the core of his very being. He could feel his penis instantly harden and he felt weak at the knees. His breathing quickened and his hearts pumped like mad.

"Oh, no," Clara said, watching the Doctor, her eyes moving to his crotch. "You too?"

The Doctor tried to respond but had to use all his energy just to stay upright. No, skip that, he sat down on the steps leading to the tub, soaking his behind in the puddles of water.

"It's been getting stronger since I got here," Clara said. "I don't understand it; what's causing it or why. In the past I found I could sometimes curb my... urges by having a nice long bath. Sometimes that's almost as satisfying to me as a good orgasm," she looked a little embarrassed saying the word to a stranger (though there was something familiar and calming about Vance). "Though it doesn't really seem to be working this time."

"Something very strange is going on," the Doctor said finally, looking up at Clara. He could just see her face from his seated position.

"Tell me about it," Clara said.