Chapter 3 - Supper

“Mr Wood. Are you ready?” He recognised that sweet authoritative voice.
“Please give me a minute, Lady Darcey.”
“Just Darcey, remember?”
BilI desperately hoped he was dressed correctly, then thought about Edmonia’s hair and calmed down.

A minute later he was strolling arm in arm with the Countess, down the stairs to the family dining room. Most of the family was there including Edmonia dressed as a man … Angelica, at least she was dressed… and Ada, he assumed it was Ada with the ponytail but of course he had only seen her from an entirely different angle.

“Please sit there, Mr Wood?” the Countess directed and Bill took up his place in the following seating arrangement:

The Earl;
Claude opposite Angelica;
Christina opposite William;
Francis opposite Ada;
Edmonia opposite an empty chair;
The Countess.

Edmonia looked daggers at her mother and it seemed to Bill he could not have been sitting in a more embarrassing place anywhere in the world. Darcey explained “You already know Edmonia and me; time to meet the rest of the family.” Bill was looking straight ahead. The only problem was Christina was a goddess. It was impossible to say who was the greater beauty, the auburn haired daughter or the blonde mother, so closely did they otherwise resemble each other.

The second thing he noticed, after the women, was the array of cutlery in front of him. He was going to have to watch very carefully. Then his mind went back to the women. Neither of his seated neighbours seemed to be the least bit fazed at all by his proximity. After what was only a few seconds, but an eternity to Bill, Ada addressed him. “Nice to meet you with your clothes on Bill, I am surprised you could fit under the table.”

OK, this was the trial. This is what he had to handle.
“I’m not surprised, he’d already seen all I had to offer.” boasted Angelica. She was disguising it well but underneath her blue lips, Edmonia’s teeth were gritting for England.
“I am sure Mr Wood’s above that sort of thing” said the Countess “He has a sharp intellectual mind, doesn’t he, Edmonia?”
“I wager he has a sharp …” started the youngest at the table.

“Mr Wood, what it is like to be surrounded by such curious women. Welcome to our home.” interjected the Earl. “You may call me Wickers, everyone does. And since you have obviously been bombarded by half of those present, I shall introduce the rest of the house. My eldest, Claude …”
“Pleased to meet you, Mr Wood”
“Hello Lord Claude, I have read some of your poetry. It’s really evocative.” Bill suddenly noticed Claude was missing his right arm and then realised he already knew that but the reality of trauma is always a jolt.
Once more the Duke stepped in. “Just call him Claude, no titles at the dinner table.”
Bill raised his eyes “Claude it is. I hope I do not commit any more faux pas”. As he spoke he realised the nude portrait on the wall was of the Countess. All he could think about was his relief that her legs were together.

“Next in seniority is Christina, or Tina if she’ll let you. She has my mother’s hair.”
“Delighted to make your acquaintance, Mr Wood” If the rest of her was like her mother and that painting was accurate, he had virtually seen her nude as well.
“Bill, please.” informed the increasingly uncomfortable newcomer.
“You don’t have to pay her.” quipped the hostess. Bill politely laughed as the offspring admonished, “Mater”.

“The empty chair belongs to number four, Percival, who is no doubt having fun in Oxford.”
“Did you know Oxford has just starting offering degrees for women? Three years of study for nothing and that lazy partying …” she wanted to say bastard but Edmonia held back “… it’s simply not fair.”
“But degrees for women are a good thing and you could go back.” said Bill, offering support.

The Earl concluded his tour of the dining table with “And finally, the dashing fellow sort of opposite you is the Estate Manager, Frank.”
“Sounds like you’ve had a splendid start to your stay.” Bill did not want to point that he had not actually been introduced formally to either of the women next to him. He would just like the conversation to evolve naturally.

The rest of the meal was less traumatic. He soon lost track of which course he was on, pausing to notice how good looking all of the servants were, even the rather terrifying butler. He noticed how attentive Christina was to Claude, found out that Ada was what was known as a companion, that nudity was a philosophy for Angelica, and observed the Countess and Edmonia kept whispering to each other. Wickers explained that he insisted on formal clothing at supper and breakfast, but not for dinner, as a reminder of the conventions he wished one day to destroy. He also commented that he felt a burst of artistic freedom when he threw his clothes off after breakfast. Bill hoped the Earl did not ride as well, but was too nervous to vocalise that opinion.

They withdrew to the drawing room where the conversation turned ever more Bohemian and Bill had a chance to talk to Edmonia – her siblings called her Mona, but she liked his over pronunciation of her name – until he saw the two eldest children depart. Not wishing to outstay his welcome, the guest retired to figure out how to use the shower. However he felt the pain in his knees from walking on what he assumed were marble floors and succumbed to the delights of a relaxing bath.

Below him, Darcey and Edmonia plotted.