Casey will understand

"Casey will understand," you say, taking Heather by the hand. "Let's go somewhere quiet."

"Sure." Heather lets you lead her back out of the strip club.

Your ears are still ringing from the loud music as you walk the street together toward the more family-friendly parts of town.

Eventually, the two of you end up drinking warm milk at an all night milkbar in the hipster district. A twenty year old man dressed like an eighty year old man tries to one up his girlfriend (?) in a contest of who can name the most obscure band. His girlfriend must be a futa because she has a huge handlebar mustache.

"Ew," Heather grimaces. "I'm glad she's confident in her body and all, but I really feel bad for futas who end up growing facial hair like men. It's bad enough to shave my legs without having to worry about my face."

You agree and point out how unfair it is that men don't have to shave anywhere at all if they don't want to while women are expected to keep all their hair trimmed to exacting and arbitrary specifications, even hair that normally isn't visible to the public.

Heather appreciates your sensitivity to women's issues and the two of you talk about feelings all night.

The next day, Heather excitedly tells you that your support and friendship gave her the confidence she needed to ask out Brad Chaderson, the class jerk.

"That's great!" you say, grimacing through clenched teeth.

Heather comes to rely on you for moral support and frequently comes to you for advice and help with a parade of failed relationships. After each breakup you're sure she'll realize you're the right man for her but she never does.

LOL YOU FUCKED UP YOU PUSSY.