Can we talk

?No, the last thing I need now is booze. Can we talk?? I ask her.

Janet shrugs and looks around, ?Yeah, the place is fairly dead right now. Hey Gary!? she shouts to the bartender who has his head buried in a newspaper, ?I?m taking a break!? The man just grunts a reply and Janet sits down.

?Gary seems rather chipper today.? I remark.

?He won about two grand on the ponies yesterday, so he?s in a good mood.? She sits in the booth across from me. ?What?s on your mind??

I furrow my brow and look directly into her pale eyes, ?Janet, what the fuck is wrong with me??

?Excuse me??

?What?s wrong with me? Why can?t I keep a relationship? I mean, you?ve known me for what, five years? Why do I always end up here talking to you about the woman I meet and can?t seem to connect with??

Janet reaches out and touches my hand, ?Whisper, you?re a romantic at heart. I mean a true romantic. I know this isn?t going to be easy for you to hear, but here it is. You are the most honest man I have ever met, the only person you aren?t honest with is yourself.?

?What are you talking about??

?Despite ever thing you?ve seen, you still believe in a perfect love??

?But I don?t??I try to stop her at this point, but she gives me a look that could bring a train to a dead stop.

?Please let me finish. Yes you do. That?s what you can?t seem to be honest with yourself about. You want to be a knight in shinning armor to come sweep some princess off of her feet. It?s probably a main reason why you wanted to become a cop. You always fall for a woman that you meet on a case. You save her or help her and you become enamored with the feeling you get from that. But the feeling doesn?t last after you?ve helped them.?

I shake my head, not wanting to believe what she is saying.

?Whisper, that feeling, that willingness to sacrifice and save, is only a small part of love. I know that you?ve been hurt before, but if you ever want true love, you have to be willing to risk opening your heart again.?

I bury my face in my hands as the realization that she is right hits me like a tidal wave. That?s why all the relationships I?ve been in have fizzled. ?How the hell did you figure this out??

Janet smiles, ?It?s easier when you watch from a distance. I?ve seen you come in here with a couple of woman, and you always talk about a case. After the case is finished the relationship ends and you come in here and stare at your drink for a couple of hours. After five years the pattern became fairly obvious.?

I lean across the table and give her a kiss on the cheek, ?You should have been the detective.?