Campus Rendezvous (Alexis PoV)

What the fuck was I doing?

Ass up, face down, I was letting some dude go to town on my pussy and doing my best to enjoy the moment. I was. Really, I was. This was just what I needed to take the edge off and relieve some stress. The guy was just the right amount of rough without getting too crazy. And his body! Nice muscles, firm ass, and those abs... Sure, his face was whatever and his cock was on the short side of average, but damn did he know how to use it. Leveraging those muscles to really get into things. Not to mention the stamina. The only thing that would make this moment better was if Chloe was with me.

Damn it! This was not the time to be thinking of her.

“Fuck me,” I gasped, urging him on. “Fuck, fuck!”

My phone buzzed.

I ignored it. I was getting close. A bit more and—

Another buzz.

It could wait. I panted, clawing at the bed as he started to thrust into me harder, taking my need as encouragement.

Yes. Fucking yes! More of that.

The moment was almost perfect. Pleasure built with every thrust. I moaned, uncaring of how loud I was. Just. A. Bit—

His thrusting stopped, a loud groan coming from behind me. The edge I’d been creeping to fled from me, now nothing more than a teasing echo. Panting, I slumped against the bed as he pulled out. Sweat rolled down his chest, making him look hotter than he really was.

“Damn,” he said, rolling onto his back. “You weren’t kidding when you said you’d wear me out.”

“Mm,” I answered, my attention already elsewhere as I reached down, fumbling with my pants to grab my phone. What a fucking waste of time. This was all sorts of wrong. Once more, what the fuck was I doing? I thought I was over this, yet here I was falling back into old habits. All this stressing out over me fucking up Chloe and Jake’s relationship was driving me crazy. I was supposed to be using this time to figure out what I wanted, and here I was hopping in bed with some rando because he had a great body and I needed something to distract me.

How the fuck was I supposed to be in a relationship if I hopped on the nearest dick whenever things got hard?

The answer was simple: I didn’t. All this meant was I fucked up my best friend’s relationship for nothing.

I looked down at my phone. Seeing Chloe’s name on the notifications brought a surge of guilt. I squeezed my eyes closed, ignoring the hand that ran down my leg. It hadn’t even been good sex. Sure, it was good, but not good. It was nothing like with Chloe and Jake. That had been... Yeah. I could see why Chloe said regular sex was awful. That shit was dangerous. I was already skirting close to being a sex addict. If I had her Gift, I’d never leave bed.

My eyes flowed over the texts she’d sent me, lightly grazing my lower lip with my teeth. Despite the guilt, I felt a surge of excitement when she asked if I was still on campus and wanted to meet up. I wasted no time replying.

Slipping out of his grasp, I sat on the edge of the bed and started gathering my clothes.

“Leaving already?”

“Yeah. Meeting up with a friend.”

“She hot?” I ignored him as I slipped on my panties. Standing, I wiggled into my jeans. “Hey, come on. Don’t be like that. Was just asking.”

Bra was next. Then shirt... “This was fun—” Ah, fuck. Names rouletted through my mind. “Kevin,” I said, taking a shot in the dark.

He frowned. “Calvin.”

“Calvin, right. I had fun. This was exactly what I needed.” It wasn’t, not by a long shot, but I didn’t want to antagonize him at the moment.

Shoes. Shoes. Oh my god. Why the shoes? Every fucking time.

“How about a number?” he asked as I retraced my steps.

“Huh?”

“Your phone number? We can do this again sometime.”

There you are, little bitches. I didn’t realize I’d kicked them that far. “Nah. Not really interested.”

“Really?” he asked, not even trying to hide the look he gave me. His attention was on my ass as he stroked his cock to coax it back to life. This jackass actually had the nerve to act like I should be honored to have him offer me a second time. Him getting me close but not bringing it home pissed me off more than someone outright sucking. Maybe if his face was—

No. What the fuck was wrong with me? I was supposed to be figuring shit out.

“Really,” I answered, slipping on my shoes. When I glanced over my shoulder, I was glad he was still on the bed. He seemed to still think I was going to join him. Ugh. Why did I pick him again? My eyes lingered on his abs.

Chloe! The thought was enough to jolt my brain into action and pull my gaze away.

“Thanks again, Kevin.”

“Calvin!” he called out as I headed for the door. Of course I knew that, but maybe it would let some air out of that ego of his.

I set out at a moderate pace, crossing campus. The weather was nice, though the breeze made it a touch colder. The problem with being alone was I had nothing to distract me from my thoughts. As much as I wanted to see Chloe, each step brought another pang of guilt. I remembered my big declaration, saying I’d give up the casual sex if it meant making the relationship work. I’d meant it at the time and still did, yet what did that say about me when I already broke it less than a week after making it? Sure, we weren’t in said relationship so I was still free to do whatever I wanted, but it wasn’t a good look and was an ill omen. Sex was my comfort food, and I was stress eating.

Gloomy thoughts followed me until I reached the small coffee shop inside the main campus library. Everything fell away, my body feeling lighter as I found Chloe. She had her hands behind her back, rocking on the balls of her feet as she stared up at the menu. The familiar floaty feeling in my gut started as I scooted up beside her.

“Oh hey! Didn’t see you there.” I bumped against her hip, knocking her out of her thoughts. She blinked up at me in surprise, which quickly twisted to annoyance.

“Jerk.” She huffed, pointedly looking back at the menu.

“Can’t help you’re so short. I don’t usually have a habit of looking down so... Hard to see you.” My eyes ran over her. Holy shit, she looked extra sexy in her uniform. But I had seen her in it plenty of times. What was different? No way it was just seeing her in the knee-high socks and skirt. Hmm. Her hair wasn’t any different than usual, though she had it tied back in a ponytail today. Okay, this was going to bother me all day if I didn’t figure it out.

She caught me staring, quirking her eyebrow as our eyes met. Ah, that’s what it was. I knew what was under that uniform now, and it made her all the sexier. Even now, my mind drifted back.

Clearing my throat, I looked up at the menu to distract myself. “Know what you want? I’ll pay.”

“Nah, I’ll get it.” I did a double-take when a hundred materialized in her hand. Where—? Well, I wasn’t about to turn down a free drink.

We didn’t talk much as we waited for our drinks. Since it was relatively nice out, we strolled along the green space outside the main campus library and sipped at our drinks. We ended up on an empty bench. Before last weekend, we’d be enjoying ourselves and people watching. Now? An awkward atmosphere languished over us. Hands wrapped around my warm cup, my eyes kept drifting over to her. She seemed to be deep in thought, which made me feel guilty. I was the reason for all this stress, butting in where I had no business being.

“Surprised Jake’s not here,” I said, leaning back as I tried to seem casual. I looked around as if expecting to find him somewhere.

“I came by bus. Haven’t talked to him much.”

I felt my throat tighten. The sorrow in her voice was like a hot knife to the gut. “Really? Why?”

“He says he doesn’t want us to influence each other,” she said, scrunching her nose in the cutest way. “I basically only talk to him at lunch and a little after school. Last time I had a long conversation was when I joined him for dinner with Sophie and Daniel.”

“Sorry.”

“Not your fault.” Her expression hardened as she cut me off. “It’s not anyone’s fault. It just is.” She took a deep breath before sipping at her drink. “I understand what Jake is saying too. It sucks, but he’s not wrong. We need to figure out what we want, and it would be hard to do that if we are constantly hearing what the other wants. Even if I don’t mean to, my feelings can and do influence him in a way unique to him.”

“Such a cheat Gift.”

Chloe laughed, getting a smile out of me. “It really is. Can’t say it doesn’t have its perks though.”

“Oh?” There was something in the way she said that.

Her smile had a cryptic edge to it. “Can’t reveal all the secrets now, can I?”

“Tease.”

“Besides, you have one too. I still can’t believe I could feel—” She cleared her throat, a light blush forming. Yeah, I had similar thoughts at the moment. “Anyway...”

The humor bled out as we returned to silence. Thoughts raced through my head too quick to grasp. I had so many questions for her, but none of them seemed right for the moment. Besides, we were supposed to figure this out ourselves, right? Chloe seemed to be taking this seriously, and I really needed to do my part. I didn’t even know where to start though. This was the first time I’d ever considered anything like a real relationship. I’d dated before, but it always seemed more like sex with extra steps than anything real. Chloe was more than that. Just being here with her like this was comforting. I was satisfied just sitting here with her—and it wasn’t because I’d just had sex either. If anything, I felt guilty about it. That was new. It was hard to think of the last time I ever regretted having sex with someone. Even bad sex was still sex.

Chloe had also sought me out. Maybe it would have been different if Jake wasn’t keeping some distance from her, but it felt damn good knowing she wanted to be here with me too.

“I don’t want to sound like I’m not happy you’re here or anything, but why are you here?” She looked over at me as I pushed forward. “Aren’t you afraid talking or hanging out like this would influence things?”

“Maybe.”

“So...?”

She looked away. “I wanted to see you.”

“Oh...” Was I smiling? I sure was. I felt... light. Dizzy too. Shit, was this what love felt like? I could get used to it. It wasn’t better than sex, but it was different and enjoyable in its own way.

“Had a client today.” Her voice was soft as she stared down at the cup in her lap. My heart surged as I processed that. A client. That meant she...

My stomach and chest fluttered as excitement rushed through me. My mind was already filled with questions, imagination going wild as I tried to imagine it. Chloe and some guy, what did they do? What position? Did she cum? How big was his cock?

Did she enjoy it?

I drowned my growing arousal with a gulp of my drink. It didn’t help. The situation was made worse when I realized Chloe was studying me.

“That excites you.” A simple statement, but one with a hidden weight to it. She had a neutral tone, expression free of judgement. It seemed she was just curious, but it didn’t change how I felt at the moment. I was fucked up. Chloe was... important. I felt things for her I didn’t have words for. I just knew I needed to be with her, no matter the cost.

“Sorry,” I said, avoiding her gaze. I couldn’t handle the weight of my feelings, finding it hard to breathe. I mentally pulled back, realizing my Gift connected us without me thinking. The barest of connections, but it had been enough for her to get a peek inside my head. I really needed to watch that around her. I think I liked it better when they resisted my Gift. Chloe just clicked, the ease of which we connected was frightening.

“Again with the apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for.” She sipped at her drink, the epitome of calm. Wait. There was no reason for her to tell me what she had done. Well, I suppose she was trying to see what my reaction would be, but that couldn’t be the only reason, could it? Fuck. This wasn’t me. No use analyzing every little thing because I couldn’t make heads or tails of what I was thinking, let alone someone else.

“Want to... talk about it?”

She didn’t answer right away, which made me feel like kicking myself. Had that come out wrong? Sure, I found the idea of Chloe and some other guy appealing, but I wasn’t trying to get details out of her or something. I wouldn’t be opposed to it if she did, but I needed to be better at this. I hadn’t known what to say when she first told me about what she did, her emotional outpouring overwhelming me. I hated that. I wanted to be there for her.

Chloe had a soft smile. “We don’t have to talk.”

I felt myself growing uncomfortable. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

“Why? Gonna jump me?” She grinned. “Victoria did say you had a tendency to pounce on people.” I was silent, avoiding her gaze. I hated how it caused her smile to fade. “We don’t have to.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” I said, feeling compelled to come clean. “I just...”

She didn’t say anything. Fuck. Just say it. She was going to find out eventually anyway.

“I was fucking someone before you messaged me.”

“Oh.” She didn’t react as I expected. “Enjoy it?” she asked before bringing her cup to her lips.

“I... wha?”

Chloe was smiling again, and it was making the situation even more confusing by adding all these feelings and shit. “Surprised?”

“You’re not mad.”

“Why would I be?”

“Because I was...”

“Having sex?” I nodded. “Isn’t that what you want? Sex?”

“No! I mean... Not if it means I can’t have this too.” I **** myself to look at her. “I mean that, I want whatever this is more than anything, yet...” I ran a hand through my hair. “This is hard. A lot harder than I thought it would be. You, me, Jake, together. When I actually consider what that means, what it really means, I panic. What if I fuck up? I mean, it’s pretty much inevitable at this point. I’ll end up cheating, doing something dumb, or just messing up in general, then everything falls apart because of me.”

Her hand rested atop my leg. “That’s not going to happen.”

“You don’t know that. You have no idea how strong the urge is sometimes. It’s almost impossible to fight off.”

Chloe shifted on the bench, turning slightly to face me. She playfully bumped my knee with hers, grinning “I don’t think exclusivity is going to be a sticking point, at least not at first. Jake and I have been flexible on that since the start.” I didn’t meet her eye. It was easy to say that, but it wasn’t true. Jake was a factor in all this. Even if he didn’t feel jealousy or anything like that, he still had a concept of a relationship he held firm to. That concept was one of the obstacles keeping us from hooking up in the first place.

Or was it because he knew my feelings for him weren’t solid? At the time, I thought I was romantically interested in him. He was different than other men who captured my interest after all. After meeting and getting to know Chloe though, I realize now how shallow and fleeting those feelings were. It sickened me to face the reality that once we had fucked a few times, I doubted my feelings for him would have stayed. Friendship, sure. Love though?

Then again, I never had a reason to try; to really try. Now, I did. Was that enough?

Chloe interrupted my brooding. “I never got the full story of what you are looking for. Relationship wise,” she added quickly. When I didn’t answer right away, she continued. “Jake mentioned something the other day, but...”

If I knew that, I wouldn’t be such a mess!

But that wasn’t true, was it? I did know what I wanted, or at least, an idea of it. And that was the problem. Jake knew. Of course he did. It was the reason why he was putting the brakes on things. He knew what I wanted wasn’t compatible with the type of relationship Chloe and him had but was too nice to just reject me outright. It was easier to just let me fuck it all up myself.

“Of course, you don’t have to answer yet,” she said as the silence dragged on. There was a dejected expression on her face as her shoulders slumped.

“At first, I wanted something like Victoria and Ezra.” My voice was soft, my gaze firmly planted at my lap. I rotated my cup there, happy for something else to focus on rather than the gorgeous distraction sitting beside me. “They mostly have their own things though. Sure, they bring a third or fourth into bed fairly often, but they have separate sex lives outside of their relationship. I would say they balance their sex life 50/50—half with each other, half with other people. The sex is just sex though, they don’t date other people,” I clarified. My smile was weak. “I’ve been inside their heads after all. I know how much they love each other. Even when they are fucking someone else, their heart and mind is still on each other with zero room for another. Well, they do have some fondness for me, but it isn’t the same,” I said, knowing full well I was babbling.

I could feel the weight of Chloe’s gaze on me, but I still didn’t look at her. My grip on my Gift was like iron, refusing to let even a slip happen. I wasn’t prepared to see her reaction or get a glimpse of her feelings. Not yet, anyway. I pushed on.

“Now that I’ve been really thinking about it, that’s not quite what I want. Sex is... great. Always has been. I don’t regret what I’ve done or who I’ve been with. Sex with you, though? It’s... well, I don’t really have words for it.” I lifted my gaze to look over the green space, still avoiding Chloe as I worked through my thoughts aloud. “When we were together, it was the first time I really felt... sated? Complete? Like, I’m an easy girl to please so I had plenty of great sex before, but after being with you, I realize how empty it all was. Junk food, really. Sweet and fun, but nothing that really stuck around more than a fleeting moment of enjoyment.” I let out a breath, trying to relieve the tension in my shoulders and chest. It didn’t help. “I can’t stop thinking about that night. I cannot stress how odd that is for me. I’ve had some phenomenal partners before, but a few tumbles and I was ready to move on. You though? I crave you, Chloe. Not just sexually, but in a way I never thought I could feel. It... terrifies me. I never realized how strong emotions could be until we connected, and I am struggling under the weight of these new ones.”

It took everything in me not to glance at her. Every second of silence killed me. My mind was in chaos as it felt like my whole life was hanging on the edge. In a way, it was. Chloe’s presence in my life caused me to discover a whole new side of me, but it wasn’t something I could explore alone. For the first time, I was truly terrified of failure because the implications. I wasn’t the type of woman to fall in love. That wasn’t me and never had been. For all I knew, the only reason why I fell for Chloe in the first place was because I had Natalie’s influence during most of our time starting out together. That was fading though, the two of us finally starting to heal from that Gift inflicted injury. I wasn’t worried about my feelings for Chloe fading away. Those were mine, through and through, but without that piece of Natalie in me, would I ever have the opportunity to develop feelings like this again? Would I even want them?

Chloe’s hand was soft and warm as she rested it atop mine. I stopped fiddling with my cup and pushed the last bit out. It was hard, talking like this. Yes, I could have used my Gift, but that was a dangerous gamble. Sure, I could easily convey what I was thinking, but seeing real-time, unfiltered reactions from Chloe? That would probably hurt more than help. That brought up a brief side thought: Jake was a hell of a lot more impressive now that I thought about it. How the fuck did he manage to sift through all the garbage people felt at all times? My own emotional state was a mess right now with no clear path forward, yet the man always seemed to know how to best proceed.

With a deep breath, I managed to look Chloe in the eye. Her smile was warm, accepting. Would it still be that way when I finished? “I haven’t been fucking around these past few days.” Today notwithstanding. “I have been thinking about... us.” That felt weird. A good weird, but weird all the same. “I think... I think I want to share you.”

Her hand pulled one of mine away from my lap, locking her fingers with mine. “Explain.”

“Well, after thinking more on it, I realized I don’t want what Ezra and Victoria have because they are separate. I don’t want that. I want to be with you.” Don’t puss out now, Alexis. Tell her. “Especially when you are with other men.” There it was, out in the open. As frightening as all this was, it was liberating at the same time. Now she knew how fundamentally bonkers I was.

To her credit, Chloe took it all fairly well. She looked pensive. “And you?”

“I’ll be right there with you.” My hand tightened on hers. “I know it is weird, but the more I think on it, the more I know it’s what I want. You know how my Gift operates. Beyond emotions, we can share sensations. I... want that with you. I want to feel your pleasure, experience your joy.” My throat grew tight. Fuck, not now. No crying. Keep it together. There was a reason why I didn’t like these emotional bits. “I love the feeling of having sex, and I’ve love everything about fucking other people. To feel all of that through you? Feel what you feel when you’re having sex? I can’t think of anything better. To experience the love you feel for me as you’re connected to another man, sharing that love with him through your body? Knowing you’re mine despite it all?” I looked down at our hands. “It’s fucked up. I know it is. That doesn’t change how I feel though.”

“What about Jake?”

The passion that had been building inside me was snuffed out by an ocean of icy water. I felt like an overstuffed balloon finally released, the hopes and dreams draining out of me. What about Jake? Just like that, I was slapped back to reality.

“I don’t know.”

She released my hand, reaching up to lightly **** me to look at her. “That’s okay. We don’t need to have all the answers. Not right away.”

“I care about him, but it’s not the same as what I feel for you.”

Her smile had a sadness to it. “I know.”

Our gazes lingered on each other, and I managed a weak smile. “You think Jake would be okay if I kissed you?”

She answered by pulling me in. The kiss was nothing like what we shared in bed, but it was what I needed right now. Her lips were soft and gentle against mine, leaving me feeling refreshed and renewed. It felt right. This felt right. No matter what happened, I wanted to make this work. I had to.

In our brief kiss, my Gift connected us. It wasn’t a deep connection, but it was deeper than surface emotions. For a moment, I was feeling Chloe’s discomfort as Sven touched her in a way that was too intimate for her liking. Sven? The moment the question popped in my head, images flashed through my mind. Damn, he was fucking hot. This was the guy she was just with? Man, so unfair! My guy was nothing compared to that hunk of a man—

Amusement twinkled from Chloe as our connection shifted. I could feel her reaction from my own experience today. The enjoyment I had letting all my problems wash away in the pleasure of the moment, only for everything to crash back with a vengeance. My frustration at being left hanging and the guilt of what I’d done.

Chloe pulled away, the connection naturally fading and separating our minds once more.

“What an asshole.”

I bust out laughing, unable to help myself. She had a cheeky grin on her face.

“You definitely got the better end of things.”

“I cheat,” she said with a shrug. “It helps when your Gift makes it impossible to have bad sex.”

My smile faded as the echo of Chloe’s memories and the emotions attached to them settled. “Do you normally feel that uncomfortable with... clients?”

“Hmm? Oh, no. Sure, it was a bit weird with his girlfriend there, but nothing I couldn’t handle.”

“You were uncomfortable though.”

She didn’t respond for a moment. When she finally collected her thoughts, her voice was soft as she looked over at me. “It felt too close to sex. And I know how weird that sounds considering what I do, but normally they just stick it in, do their thing, and we both enjoy my Gift before going our own way. I know that Holly was trying to be nice, and I appreciate the intention there, but it deviated from what I am used to.” A weak smile touched her lips. “You’ve given me a new perspective. I’ve slept with a lot of guys over the past few years, but it’s all been in service of my Gift. They pay for a brush of what I experience when it takes me. Until Jake, that was all sex was for me: a way to activate my Gift.

“You though? You enjoy sex for the experience of it. I felt the thrill of the moment, the excitement of anticipation, and the rush of passion when you got to his place. Sex for you is grounded in a way I’ve only experienced a handful of times.”

I stomped the guilt into submission. How could she say all that without disgust or judgement? “But?”

She took a breath, then released it slowly as she looked out at the green space. Students were walking along, some heading to their next class, others meeting friends. People flowed around us, oblivious to the weight of the atmosphere pressing against us.

“But nothing,” she answered. Her smile was stronger this time. “It’s something for me to think about.”

“That sounds like a bad thing.”

“Such a pessimist!” she said with a laugh. Hearing that got a smile out of me, spirits lifted a bit. Her gaze was piercing. “I’m glad we could talk. I needed this.”

“Me too.”

She stood, hand still entwined in mine as she pulled at me. I got to my feet, Chloe already pulling me along. “Enough of that. I want a milkshake.”

I let my worries fall away as we walked. Sure, they would be there later but none of that mattered right now. The most important thing was I was with her. That was enough.