At a checkpoint into the neighboring county.

The eastern checkpoint was their first real obstacle to conquer, and Prince Alder already knew what an absolute nuisance it would be. Roxanne had dragged him along inside so that they could both get through this infamously tight border the “Proper ol’ way.” in her own words.

Although Candyfloss expected some level of… sneaking from his hired charlatan, she got the attention of both guardswomen blocking the pass by walking up, and then talking to them. “‘Ello! Jus’ a pair o’ travelers passin’ through!”

Well, More like shouting at them.

Each sentry looked up from her dirty romance novel with a surprisingly unprofessional glance. As they shrugged their shoulders and went back to standing in the path of anyone who wanted to pass through, Roxanne got their attention again by shoving Candyfloss in front of the duo. “Aw, c’mon, don’t be so cold ladies. This ‘ere fella’s a genuine prince. Sir Marshmallow-face in fact! If youse two can beat me at strip poker, he’ll put on a show too— and you girls’ll see his ‘royal parts’!”

The guardswomen sent each other sidelong grins, and deliberated for all of two seconds before the first said, “Oi, Brighton, you wanna pass up the chance to see this dreamboat’s cock and balls?”

“Fuck no.” Her ogling companion replied, eyeing the prince hungrily, “This here’s the prince people say’s got a ten inch dick— We gotta do this! Just imagine-”

“—Oi, I ain’t finished explainin’ yet!” Roxanne called over their enthusiastic perversion, “Iffin I win, you let us cross the county no trouble, no fuss, no muss. Oh, and stay naked for a full shift.”

“Deal!”

“Double deal, no take backs!”

Alder stood stiff to the side, with his jaw dropped in horror. The poor royal’s face turned a rosy pink, and he reprimanded his thief without quarter, “You inconsiderate rascal! You can’t just go around bargaining my very dignity like that!”

“Aw c’mon Sugar-Bee, you don’t whine when I see your sexy bod all starkers~“

“That’s because we’re dating— and don’t think I’m totally comfortable with my own nudity when you start ogling me. It’s embarrassing enough to think I’d kiss a bandit, but a charlatan whoring me out to common folk is a step too far!”

“Please, as if I could lose at me own games.” The black-haired thief said to her flustered beau, shuffling the cards with a confident grin stretching across her face. “Prepare t’see a couple of nude-ass guards, Prince bashfulpants.”