Ask for the family lowdown

"So..." you begin, "Tell me about what to expect from the Barshford family."

"Well... my dad, Bryan, but you better call him Mr Barshford, he is a little bit... strict."

"Oh..."

"Don't worry, just be polite and respectful and he shouldn't be too bad, hopefully."

This is not sounding good, you think.

"My mother is Wendy, but you should call her Mrs Barshford when my dad is around. Anyway she's lovely, she used to be a bit of a free-spirit back in her youth, before having to become the model housewife for Dad."

Okay, things aren't sounding a bit better now.

"My gran also lives with us - that's my mum's mum. She's great too, actually she's a bit of a hippy, does yoga and pilates and all that stuff. She's quite amazing for a gran."

"And what should I call her?"

"Definitely not gran! Her name is Miranda, but we all call her Mirry. And of course the birthday girl, Amy. Even though she is turning 18 today she may seem a bit... naive... or immature. Dad has always been over-protective of us, and so he hasn't really let her grow up, it's like he wants to keep her an innocent teen for her whole life."

"I see," you nod, realising this also explains a lot about Claire!

"But she's fun, full of energy and a bit of a talker. You'll like her for sure."

"Okay, I guess I'm ready to meet the Barshfords then!" You take a breath, reach into the back for the bottle of Irish Cream liqueur you bought for Amy and the proseco for her parents.