Align Pearl’s expectations with your own

For what comes next, you steel yourself. If wanting something different than you is what’s causing Pearl pain, the obvious silver bullet is to align her desires with yours. There’s always time for love and romance later. You both have your whole lives ahead of you, so what’s the rush?

Time to get this over with.

“Pearl, for now, I claim your hopes, your dreams, and your expectations. And I’m taking your trust, too.”

“Wha…?” She stirs, in vain attempting to rouse herself.

“I swear I’ll give them back soon, but first we need to do a little work to help make sure you’re okay. You can trust me, I’ll take care of you.”

After a moment of hesitation, the **** Pearl makes a vague, but affirmative sound, and relaxes.

“Thank you. Now, let’s walk through your visualized romantic hopes and dreams one more time,” you say. “This time, the scenes are going to be a little different than they did before. They’ll feel different. They’ll even look different. But that’s okay, because it turns out, you didn’t get those scenes quite right the first time.”

Pearl’s brow furrows. “Didn’t get them right…?”

“No, you didn’t, but that’s okay. I’m going to help you get them right this time.”

“Oh...”

“Now, let’s go back to that college art class. Envision yourself there again at the beginning of your dream relationship. You’re with that tall, shy, mystery boy. Build the image in your mind’s eye, just how you want.”

“Mmh.”

“Good. Now, describe it for me, just like before,” you direct. “Except this time, I’m going to help you.”

“Help me?”

“Yes. Whenever you say something that’s not quite right, I’ll let you know,” you tell Pearl. “I’ll explain how that part of your perfect dream is actually supposed to be, then you’ll imagine the picture in your head changing to match. When it does, your hopes, dreams, and expectations, they’ll change too. They’ll change to match the new, correct picture.”

“They’ll change?” asks Pearl, uncertain.

“Only if they’re not quite right yet, if they don’t match the real picture,” you assure her. “Does that make sense?”

A ghost of a nod. “Yeah, I guess.”

“That’s right. Now let’s start from the top. Tell me what’s happening in your dream so I can help.”

Pearl begins her story anew. “I’m in a college art class -”

“Actually,” you interrupt, “when you look around the room, you see you’re in someone’s house, in a huge great room, with vaulted ceilings,” you say. “Everybody’s having fun. There’s music, there’s drinks. Your friends are there too, aren’t they?”

She gives a confused half smile. “Oh, yeah. Everybody’s there, having fun.”

“You’re not in a college art class, are you.”

“... no, I’m not.”

“Then where are you?”

“I think… our high school graduation party, from yesterday,” guesses Pearl.

“Good. What next?” You encourage her to continue.

“There’s a boy I don’t know, too,” Pearl says, frowning. “I guess he’s graduating too… or something, I think. But he seems older. Or, more mature, somehow? And we smile at each other and we start talking, we’re laughing. I’m just in a t-shirt and some cargos but he doesn’t mind, and he asks for my number…”

“But you do know the boy, don’t you, Pearl,” you say. “This boy is someone you’ve known for a long time.

“Right. I’ve known him for a long time and he’s graduating with me…”

“And he’s even your same age,” you say. “He doesn’t seem older or more mature than anybody else, does he.”

“Yeah, he doesn’t. He’s in my grade and he’s just asking for my number now…”

“Since he’s your longtime friend, he doesn’t need to ask for your number,” you hint. “He already has it.”

Pearl murmurs her assent, adjusting to the new image in her head with a faint smile “That’s why it feels so easy when he asks me out. He’d be too shy otherwise.”

“But he’s not shy at all. He’s actually pretty good with people.”

“And that’s why it doesn’t surprise me when he catches my eye from across the room and… and he shoots me a text asking me out somewhere classy after the party…”

“But that’s not right, he doesn’t ask you out yet. He offers to give you a ride home when the party’s over instead.”

She adjusts once more. “Yeah. Cause… he’s cool and reliable like that,” says Pearl, needing to focus to keep up with all the details shifting in her mind. “Always looking to do little things for me…”

You press the narrative. “When you get home, you go up to your room together. You hang out for a while. Chatting, having fun.”

“And that’s when he asks me out,” says Pearl, nodding dreamily.

“No. He asks you out the next day, after you text him.”

Pearl gets stuck on that detail. “The next day…?”

“The next day, because you don’t give him a chance to ask you out,” you reveal. “He’s your boy. You change into something so sexy he can’t keep his hands off you. ”

Pearl absorbs your words like a sponge. “Can’t keep his hands off me…”

“He pushes you down on your bed and you let him. It’s so exciting. You let him do whatever he wants to you. He doesn’t need to ask.”

She nods dreamily. “And we fall asleep in each other’s arms, and he whispers he loves me right before I drift off…” she finishes, a warm smirk on her face.

Almost. You didn’t tell Pearl her ideal relationship included her partner sleeping over with her right off the bat; she’s clearly picking up the right hints, but there’s still a clear romantic undercurrent to the story. If she’s going to be happy, that has to go.

“Actually he doesn’t whisper anything,” you tell Pearl, factually. “The L-word is too sappy for you.”

An agreeable sound. “It’d be lame if he said he loved me.

There we go. Perfect. Now to smooth out the rest.

“Let’s jump forward into the future now. Let’s imagine your hopes for where this dream relationship goes,” you encourage. “Go ahead now, just like before.”

Pearl once again describes her hypothetical future dream wedding. “I’m in an awesome cathedral, with all my friends, and my mom, and Macy and uh… I guess I’m in a white dress, holding a bouquet of flowers,” she says, haltingly. She gets right back on track as she continues. “It’s most beautiful dress ever. A wedding gown. And my boy is there, too. He’s so hot. And I guess… we’re starting our life together, or something. It’s like we’re getting married.”

The scene is hardly as detailed or emotional as it was the first time Pearl described it. You’ve set the right foundations, now it’s all about following through.

“Pearl, I want you to look down at yourself now. What are you wearing? Tell me what you see.”

“It’s… a lot like my mom’s wedding dress, from the photo album,” says Pearl, her brow tense with effort. Her tone is almost clinical. “Long sleeves. Lacey glittery fabric. An empire waistline, sort of an Austinian style, but there’s these laces in the back…”

“You don’t sound so excited about the dress,” you suggest. “Is wearing something like that really your style?”

“Not really, but -”

“But you can do better, can’t you,” you finish for her.

“I can do better,” agrees Pearl.

“The dress fades away,” you say. “You don’t need it.”

“Don’t need it,” she echoes.

“What are you wearing now?” you ask. “Look down at yourself.”

“I’m… wearing panties and a garter. Heels. A veil. Everything’s white and lacy.”

“Everything you’re wearing turns black,” you say.

Pearl nods slowly. “Black.”

“And there’s no veil, is there.”

She shakes her head. “No veil.”

“No wedding rings or anything like that.”

“Nothing like that.” She smiles drunkenly. “And and everybody’s freaking out cause I’m at the front of the cathedral, naked with my boobs out, but I don’t give a fuck. Cause I’m with my boy, smelling the flowers he gave me…”

“No flowers,” you correct. “Nothing romantic like that. And there’s music playing. You’re dancing.”

“Dancing to the music.”

“Your boy’s dancing with you too,” you say. “Now pick a cool outfit for yourself, something you’d go out in.”

“I’m already wearing a cool outfit,” she says, sounding miffed.

Your blood rushes at the refusal. According to the sense of style you gave her… well, sounds like a cool outfit to you.

“Right. And your boy loves your outfit, too,” you say, swallowing hard. “And this cathedral is packed. The music’s intense. People are cutting loose and having fun. Everybody’s jumping up and down. You’re the center of attention, but not because it’s your party. It’s because everybody can see you. All of you. But it doesn’t bother you, because you’re beautiful, and you know it.”

Pearl sighs dreamily. “I’m beautiful.”

“And your boy?” you prompt.

“He thinks I’m beautiful.” She’s really stuck on that, isn’t she.

“Yes, but he’s amazing too, as amazing as you,” you say, not wanting to ruin the moment, but trying to get back on track. “So amazing, that he’s dancing with the other girls, and you don’t mind.”

Pearl’s caught off guard. “The other girls?”

“Yep. But you’re confident in yourself even while you’re watching it happen,” you emphasize, thinking more of your own dream than Pearl’s. “You feel secure that all you’d have to do is call him to get his attention. You’re friends, you’re both having fun, and you’ve known each other for years - and yeah, you’re beautiful. He can’t say no to your body. He’ll be your boy no matter what.”

“Um…” She struggles to reconfigure everything based on all these new details.

“When you’ve had enough dancing, you ask him if he wants to come with you. And no matter what he says - whether he comes home with you, or whether he wants to stay out late with the girls he met, or something else,” you say, holding Pearl’s shoulders, “you feel relaxed. You feel happy. You have no concerns at all. You’re looking forward to the opportunities tomorrow’s going to bring.”

You let Pearl dwell on the image for a long moment.

“Now,” you say, “I need you to picture further out in your relationship. Far, far after the party. Months later. Years later. As far as you can.”

She grunts in acknowledgement.

“All the things that could happen in that relationship, all the things that might go wrong, or right,” you say, “everything past that amazing, perfect party. I want you to put it all in front of you. All your worries, all your hopes and fears.” You pause to give her time to think. “Can you see it?”

“I can see it.”

“I want you to let all of that go.”

She seems unsure. “Let it all go?”

“Look Pearl. I know how worried you’ve been lately, about everything, about us,” you say. “The best thing to do is focus on the present. Things are okay now, aren’t they? And I can handle whatever’s going to come, can’t I?”

“I guess…”

“Thinking too much about relationships and what’s perfect is only going to weigh you down,” you reason. “There’ll be time for that later. What we have now is enough. So… for your own good, feel all those expectations fading away now. Feel yourself letting it go.”

Pearl tenses for a minute, fighting the process. But there’s no resisting it. Soon, she relaxes. She breathes deep and calm.

You smile, and gently push your lips against Pearl’s brow. She’s ready now.