A startling news story

You start off the day in no rush. You have your badge, you escaped the scary clingy girl (though only after she terrorized you and possibly gave you a concussion), and there’s been a marathon of this show called Antics of Seats on all morning.

The show is about a bunch of people living in medieval times, who are all trying to sit on a cold, metal chair. A lot of people online like the show, but they mostly seem impressed with the novelty of main characters getting killed. Isn’t that just bad storytelling though? Important characters who drive the story are getting killed for the cheap thrill of doing something that the audience didn’t expect. Oh well. Apparently the last season sucks anyway. Hooray for disliking popular things!

“We interrupt this program to bring you a special news broadcast.”

The sudden shift in perspective shows a female reporter in front of a road that’s filled with bumper-to-bumper traffic. Unlike the meticulously groomed reporters you’re used to seeing, this woman’s hair is a mess, her clothes are torn up, and she has an obvious black eye.

The reporter continues, “Traffic on 6th Avenue has come to a standstill due to a mountain of various debris including bookshelves, desks, and folding chairs blocking the road. Reportedly these objects ‘fell from the sky’ approximately one hour ago. Witnesses had this to say.”

“It was, like, raining furniture! I was gonna take some but then I remembered what my momma taught me. ‘If someone’s throwin’ it away, they probably fucked on it at least once.’ ……..I still took a chair.”

“These meteoric projectiles are divine punishment from on high! They’re telling us to abandon our superficial, fast-paced lifestyles which prevent us from properly worshipping the goddess! Repent now! The end is upon us!”

“It’s that LOON living in the old academy building. I walk by at night sometimes and hear the creepiest noises. The girl talks to herself, laughs to herself, throws parties by herself. And now she apparently built a cannon so she can launch her furniture through the roof! Somebody should do something.”

The screen switches back to the reporter. “We received several other reports suggesting that the nearby Pokemon Gym, formerly the Saffron-Hillshire Academy For Talented, Extraordinary Daughters, is the source of the roadway obstruction. We spoke with the owner of the Gym, Sabrina, who had this to say.”

“WHERE’S EMILIA!? DID YOU TAKE HER!? YOU DID! ADMIT IT!”

The shock causes you to begin coughing so violently that you get a bit lightheaded.

“Ma’am, please calm down. We’re trying to determine the cause of the debris which is obstructing traf-”

A volleyball is launched at the camera like a bullet, and the video becomes static before switching back to the live feed of the battle-scarred reporter.

“And there you have it, folks! For now, you may want to avoid Sixth Avenue and take a different route to your destination. And you may want to avoid the Saffron City Gym until further notice…”

Uh. Wow! You seem to have accidentally caused a pretty big problem. For a loooooooot of people. Welp, there’s only one correct course of action for this scenario.

Ignore the problem entirely and let other people deal with it!

They say you shouldn’t stick your dick in crazy, but even kissing it is bad news. The bottom line is that Sabrina’s dangerous, and you won’t make the mistake of letting her do anything to you a second time! You wanted a proper battle with her, but it’s nothing to risk your life over. You have your badge, and that’s that. If she keeps throwing furniture into the street, the police will have to do something about it. Not you.

According to Charlotte, Master Kim will be at her dojo today. You’ll stop by, say thanks, and maybe even make it to Cerulean City before the day is over. Imagine Professor Stump’s surprise when you call her this evening and tell her you’ll be home tomorrow!