A couple of college students.

"Have you ever seen Professor Levinson sneeze?"

Ross chewed his sandwich thoughtfully and pondered the question. "Not that I can recall, why?"

Andrew looked around the dining hall nervously. He fiddled with his mostly-empty Coke can, clearly not sure how to approach whatever was on his mind. "What about a zit or a bruise? Have you ever even seen her without makeup on?"

Ross shook his head. "I don't think so, man. What are you getting at?"

"Ok, hear me out," Andrew said. "Do you think there's any chance she's a golem?"

Ross stared at him. "You're kidding, right? She's a professor, dude! Just because she's hot and she takes good care of herself, you think she's a fucking machine?"

Andrew threw up his hands defensively. "Hey, it's not just that. Have you noticed that she never talks about her personal life? No family, no friends - I've never even seen her car."

"So she's a private person," Ross admitted. "But she's got a personality. She makes jokes, she gives compliments. I mean, she brings in a cup of coffee every morning! What kind of golem drinks coffee?"

Andrew shrugged. "They can drink, they just don't need to. And what about all those news anchor golems? They act just like normal people."

"Because they're reading a teleprompter," Ross pointed out. "Professor Levinson writes proofs and answers questions and stuff. Besides, even if she is a golem, why do you care? Are you gonna try to get her fired or something?"

Andrew's voice became even more furtive. "No! But have you heard of release tablets?"

Ross shook his head, so Andrew explained. "I know they put protections on golems so only certain people can take out their script, but there are these tablets that can override it. You don't even have to touch them - it works on any golem nearby."

"And you wanna use one of those on her? To see if she's a golem?" Ross was still skeptical.

Andrew nodded. "What's the harm? If she's not a golem, we just play it off as a weird joke. If she is..."

Ross knew exactly what Andrew had in mind. They would have access to an incredibly beautiful woman - or at least, a non-sentient lump of dirt that looked just like one. They could use the Yetzirah Department's printers to make any script they wanted, and it wasn't even an ethical violation since golems technically aren't conscious.

"Alright," Ross said. "How are you gonna get one of these tablets?"

"My cousin knows an offscript guy." With the proliferation of golems came a thriving black market. Unregistered golems were called "offscript", since they usually had a heavily modified script to prevent the authorities from tracking them down. Illegal golem dealers usually had all sorts of golem paraphernalia they offered to accompany their product.

"Offscript?" Ross asked. "That's serious, man. We could go to prison."

"For buying an offscript golem," Andrew rebutted. "Not for having the tablet. They're so rare that the cops probably wouldn't even recognize one if they saw it."

"Ok," Ross sighed. "Let's try it. How soon can you get the tablet?"

Andrew grinned slyly and unzipped his backpack, revealing a small clay tablet with strange symbols etched across it in layers. "I wasn't gonna show you if you didn't agree to go through with it. Honestly, I was going to do it alone but I decided I should get some backup. Her office hours start in thirty minutes."

Ross sighed and crumpled up his now-empty sandwich wrapper. "If I get expelled over this, you're paying my student loans."