A Standoff of Two Fuckwads

Lament sighed and looked at the two fools before him..

“You really think you’ve got a shot, don’t you kid?”

“That’s right, for those you’ve taken and tortured!!”

“Right… and I don’t suppose your sister has any quorums with sending her brother to end me does she?” Asked Lament

Daren looked a little hesitant, looking back at Curio..

“Daren, you have to do it, or everyone is doomed!!” Said Curio

“Yeah…. Right!!!”

Daren nodded and returned to his original stance to fight Lament.

He swung the Master Sword at Lament only for him to fall through the solid floor..

“Huh?!”

He looked around confused only for Lament to rise from the ground, attempting to grab him by the throat.

“Daren Watch out, he’s behind you!!” Shouted Curio

Daren turned around slashing at Lament’s mummy bandaged body..

“Arghhh, Dusty Bitch!!!” Shouted Lament

Daren ready to stab through Lament’s chest only for him to grab the blade of the sword..

His hand was melting away slightly holding it back, but thankfully kicked the new owner in the chest and threw the blade out of his hand.

“Submit foolish boy!!”

“Never, you killed our hero!!!”

“Open your eyes you blind child!!”

“No I won’t let you- Mmm!!!”

Lament put his hands over his mouth..

“Now then time to— Arghhh!!!”

Lament staggered after getting stabbed through the chest by the Master Sword by Curio..

“No….. not yet…. Not now!!!”

“It’s over wraith!!” Said Curio

Lament fell down covering the wound he received..

Curio was ready to give the final blow, only for an earthquake to shake everything..

“What’s happening?!!” Said Curio and Daren

Lament tired to get away from them, only for the sky to open up and lift him through the hole..

“No, I can’t leave not without….. Zelddaaaaaa!!!!” He said as the sky hole sucked in Lament completely..

Curio and Daren looked around each other, the ground before them began to crack as their fates were left unknown..

Meanwhile in another world…

Yiga Soldiers walked towards Sooga eating a banana..

“Master Sooga!!”

“What?!”

“We’ve found yet sky holers!!”

“Sky…. Holers….. Is that we’re calling these weirdos?”

“You’ve got any better ideas?”

“Fine Fine, show them to me!!” He said

They brought Lament’s unconscious body before him with a burning hole in his chest..

He then opened his eyes rather suddenly..

“Ahhh!!!!” Said Sooga punching him in the face..

“Ahhh shit You killed him sir!!”

“I’m sorry, I was not expecting this guy to be alive!!!”

After a few hours later..

Lament was hooked to Sheikah breathing unit..

“How’s this guy even still alive Ohh whatever, I need all the help I can get to appease that damn dusty looking bitch?!” Sooga told himself..

“Who’s a dusty bitch Sooga?” Asked a female voice.

“Ahh shit, she’s behind me!” Thought Sooga looking behind.

“Soogaaaa??” She asked playfully.

“Ahhhh… If it isn’t the almighty Sorcerer back from her stroll!!”

“That Queen Sorcerer Cia to you!!!” She said angry

“Ahhh my bad I didn’t-“

“Ohhh is that the new sky hole person?” She asked pushing Sooga out of the way..

“Gasp!!!”

She saw Lament slowly opening his eyes to see a love struck Cia..

“Huh… who are— Argh!!”

“Hiiii Linkyyy, did you miss me?” Asked Cia happily hugging him.

“Wha… how do you know my name?!!” He demanded struggling to get out of her grasp.

“I like the new look, those bandages and red cloak really look good on you!”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you look like just like a villain!!”

“I….. um….. look I appreciate the comments, but I’ve got something I need to do!!” He said

“Let me guess, you’re trying to save that whiny bitch Zelda?!”

“What, How’d you know about that?!”

“Cmon Linky, I know everything about you, in fact I want you and me to get comfortable in my bed!!”

“Sorcerer, Shouldn’t we try to tell him about-“

“Shut up Sooga, me and my man have to get ready….. isn’t that right Linky?”

“Ready? For what?!”

“For Sex, just you and me in bed!!”

“And why should I?!”

“I’ll help you find Zelda!”

“…. Where’s your nicest bed?”

“Right this way, We’ll use Sooga’s bed and cum all over it!!”

Sooga just watched them go off on their way..

“…. Arghhh I wish Kooga was still in charge…. He’s tolerable compared to her!” Said Sooga walking off..

(Final Chapter: Linky do’s a horny sorcerer!)