A Shrek hoodie, jeans shorts, and crocs

"OMG, she's so hot" you mumble to yourself. Your mind starts racing. What should I say? Will she like me? Will she even want to talk? Is this going to be awkward? You push these doubts out of your mind and decide to go for it. Your heart beats rapidly as you make your way across the room. She looks up from her phone and looks you in the eyes. You take a deep breath and say hello.

"Greetings, my name is (Your Name here)" you say as confidently as you can.

"OH, HEY! IT'S YOU! HI FRIEND!" The music stops and everyone falls silent. You look around and realize everyone is looking at you. This is not how you expected it to go. Everyone stands there, frozen, until a voice finally breaks the silence.

"Zoinks! It's the weirdo fanfic creep" Someone shouts. You begin to panic. They've read my story?

"Why are you writing about actual people? That's kind of weird" another stranger calls. The crowd joins in, heckling as you try to speak up. Suddenly, Shoe0nhead takes you by the hand.

"You don't need to write stories about me" she purrs as she slowly gets on her knees and unbuttons your pants. You stand there in a daze, absolutely baffled by everything that's going on. She motions to someone in the crowd. As you turn to follow her gaze, someone on the other side of you hands her a bottle. She pours its contents down your pants. You look down as it begins to sting a little.

"Relax,(your name here), it's just Hot Sauce" she quips as she stands back up. The crowd laughs. You turn to leave, but you stub your toe on the coffee table and trip.

"Quick! Bring the pregnantsquidward.jpeg!" Shoe0nhead shouted.

"The what?"

"Since you like posting cringe so much, here you go." You yelp as she staples a freshly printed pregnantsquidward.jpeg to the back of your shirt.

"Tattoo an eggplant emoji on his face!" Someone shouted.

"That's a great idea" Shoe0nhead agreed.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

You sit up in your bed. It was a dream? But the stinging sensation lingers. How can this be? You lift up the sheets to find a squished taco slathered all over your crotch. You fell asleep on a greasy spicy Taco Bell taco again. You let out a sigh of relief and crawl to the bathroom for your bi-monthly bath.