A Giant Mansion (Originally by Lord of the Pies)

Before them stood a giant mansion. Made of a creamy white stone, it had columns out front and clearly dozens of rooms. As they were on a hill, they could also see the land stretching out behind the mansion. There was a hedge maze, multiple fancy patios, a field of flowers, and some thick woods off a few hundred meters off. The boys stood there, shell-shocked, their mouths hanging open slightly.

"...That's a big house." Sam managed to say.

"You think?" replied Kyle, "I knew Uncle Mark was pretty rich, but still...wow!"

As he spoke, the mahogany front doors opened and a man walked out. He was not quite middle aged, maybe late thirties, early forties at most. He was tall and slightly on the portly side, but not fat. His beard and mustache connected in a short trimmed circle, and his hair was pulled back in a short ponytail. He wore a casual Hawaiian shirt, light blue with pale green palm trees, and khaki shorts. A pair of cheap sunglasses sat on his forehead, and he walked towards them barefoot. Considering him as he approached, the boys concluded that there was no way this could be their uncle. Someone who owned a mansion would not dress like that. Maybe he's the gardener, they thought.

"Hey boys!" he called out jovially, "You made it! What, don't recognize me? I'm your uncle!"

"You're our Uncle?" asked Kyle, who looked skeptically at the strange man as if he'd just exited an alley and offered to sell a Rolex out of his trench coat.

"Course I am, though I suppose it's no wonder you don't remember me. You haven't seen me since you were this high." He said, lowering his hand to about knee height.

"Well, if you're our uncle," Kyle began, "Then whose house is that?"

"Why, it's mine. Didja think I'd just pick you up outside some random home?"

"But that's a rich guy's house." Sam interjected, "And rich guys don't dress like that. They wear formal suits and stuff."

"Hey, it took me a long time to get to where I am today. So I figured I'm rich enough now that I can dress however I want." He then sheepishly added, "Plus your Aunt Mary just left yesterday, so I can finally let loose and relax, ya feel me?"

The boys smiled. This uncle of theirs seemed to be a pretty cool guy. A bit weird, but still cool. Plus he was rich.

"So you guys want to go in? Where's your luggage, in the trunk?"

Kyle shook his head. "Mom said that the luggage charge on the plane was ridiculous, so she mailed our bags instead. She said it was cheaper."

Uncle Mark sighed and looked skyward. "That mother of yours. I'm sure she's a great mother but I have never seen a woman pinch a penny like my sister. Even when we were kids she would wait to go shopping till she could combine deals and coupons to get stuff for pennies on the dollar. Anyways, let's go in."

They walked towards the front doors as the limo drove away.

"So, Uncle Mark," Sam started, "just how are you so rich?"

He stopped in his tracks and turned to face hie nephews. "What? You mean your mother never told you?"

The boys shook their heads.

"She doesn't mention you much." Kyle commented.

"Sigh... that's so like her. Forgets to tell her kids about her own brother. Okay then, well, you know NuTech Inc.?"

"Uh, yeah," said Kyle sarcastically, "Who doesn't? It's a technological giant. It makes everything from toys to entertainment to appliances and junk. I've got a Nupod music player right here."

"Well," Uncle Mark began, "Twenty years ago, NuTech Inc. was called Gladstone Electronics. And it was started in a garage by Jerry Halson, and Jenny and Mark Gladstone. That was my friend, your mother, and me."

"WHAT?!" exclaimed both boys, equally shocked

At this, Uncle Mark burst into laughter. Nearly crying he doubled over, completely cracking up.

"What the...oh. It was a joke." said Sam dejectedly, "Don't mess with us like that."

"No, no it's true," Uncle Mark managed to say, finally regaining control, "It's just...oh man... the looks on your faces when I said that. Ooohh that was priceless!"

"So you got all your money from selling the company?" inquired Kyle.

"Nope. Never sold it."

"But... the Inc. at the end means "Incorporated" right? So it's owned by millions of stockholders and run by a board of directors. Maybe you have a controlling interest, but that doesn't really mean you own the company."

"Actually," Uncle Mark started, as he began to break into giggles once more "the 'Inc.' at the end of the company name is a massive troll I thought of years ago. There are no stockholders. I still own something like 99% of the company. I just pay Jerry the other 1% to run it for me, but he'd happily do it for free, he loves the work so much."

As they walked towards the house again, Uncle Mark explained.

"You see, ever since computers began showing up in people's houses, us Gladstones have been geniuses with them. Your mother, myself, even your grandparents were all exceptional with computers and building things. One day, tinkering in the garage with Jerry (who was Jenny's boyfriend at the time), we happened to create something cool and new. We marketed it, and got rich. Jenny managed the company, I provided the main creative ****, and Jerry was our public image. Eventually, we grew older, moved apart and all settled down. Jenny left the company after she met your father, but by then the company was big enough that we had many people working for us. Jerry still runs day to day operations and appears as the face of the company. And I... I sit back and create new and cool stuff to market. The whole family does in fact. We're pretty much 75% of the R&D department. Your cousins, Sami and Amy, got the Gladstone tech genes too. In fact, that Nupod you've got there? Your cousin Sami invented it, and Amy wrote the programming. I bet even you boys are probably good with tech too."

Finally, they reached the doors and entered the house. The front hall was huge. It consisted of a large room with marble flooring, columns along the sides, several doors at the back, and a sweeping staircase in the middle that split into two where it hit the back wall. Each staircase swept along the back wall until they met up with the second floor balconies on the side walls. The balconies were lined with doors of various colors and designs. On the wall where the staircases split there was a larger than life sized portrait of Uncle Mark, Aunt Mary, Sami, and Amy all of whom were dressed to the nines.

While the boys stood still, awed at the house, Uncle Mark was unimpressed. It was his house after all. Noticing their expressions he said: "I know, that's a terrible portrait right? We look like a family from Victorian Europe. But your Aunt insists we keep it there to project an air of "normality" to any guests. She likes to play the debutante sometimes and occasionally worries that her socialite friends will discover that we're all massive uncultured nerds. Here I'll fix it."

He pulled some sort of remote from his pants pocket and pushed button on it, aiming it at the painting. With a fluid motion, the picture and frame began to rotate, revealing another picture affixed to the back. As it finished turning, he tucked away the remote back into his pocket. The space now held a larger than life size portrait of Uncle Mark, bare-chested, brandishing a pair of battleaxes, whilst posing heroically atop a hill of bones as skeleton and zombie warriors climbed towards him. His family stood around him in medieval fantasy style armor, brandishing weapons of their own. The backdrop consisted of thunderclouds with a bolt of lightning hitting one raised axe and illuminating their figures. It somehow managed to be both epic and slightly cringey at the same time, and looked quite out of place in the elegant entry hall.

"There. Much better. Ya like? I had it commissioned." he commented, "Now, would you boys like the tour, or would you wanna explore for yourselves?"