8. Jessica Alba walks into a porno shop.

You've been in Hollywood for about ten months now. An aspiring writer, you came here with big dreams and you've yet to give up. But Hollywood is an expensive place to live and you have to hold down two jobs. Your night job is in an adult video and novelty store. It's a silly little place, but the job is nice, devoid of responsibility and occassionally amusing.

There are always plent of big fat middle-aged men. A few of them, with no shame, are proud regulars. They walk around like they own the place. Then there are the nervous shoppers. They bolt in and out, pacing around, knocking DVD's off the shelf. About a third of the customers are women. Many of them are accompanied by their boyfriends, and often look like they'd rather be somewhere else. But some of them are happy to be there. You've been a little surprised at how attractive most of them are. Then again, this is Hollywood. It kinda comes with the territory.

Today is Tuesday. It's possibly the most ordinary, uneventful Tuesday of your life. You're down behind the register counter when the door whips open for a millionth time.

"Welcome to The Velvet Book Store" you give your requisite greeting, not even looking at the person. But a moment later, you're back standing and you see her walking off toward the DVDs. She's got an amazing, tight little body. She's wearing a spaghetti strapped top, and short-shorts that show off her caramel skin. Her brown hair falls gently onto her shoulders. Her legs are long and her ass is amazing. You can't quite tell from looking at her back, but her breasts seem perfect too. You take a step over, trying to see if you can get a glimpse of her face. She could be gorgeous... or not.

Time goes on and you become more and more obsessed with finding out what this vixen looks like. Maybe you're smitten or maybe it's just something to do on a Tuesday night, but either way, you need to see that face. She browses through the Adult DVDs, then heads over to the magazines, then back to the DVDs. All the while you can't make her out.

Your gazing is interrputed for a brief moment but Hank, one of the regulars, purchasing yet another anal sex DVD. You smile at him.

"Hey Hank. Is this it for today." He nods and you ring him up. As Hank walks away it occurs to you that his receipt didn't print out. Hmmm, perhaps you distractedly kicked something unplugged with your feet, as you paced around, trying to get a glimps of the girl. You kneel down and start looking around at all the wires. Aha, found it. As you plug it back in, you hear a DVD slammed down on the counter above you. You rise and immediatly look at the cover.

"The Fetish Chef." It takes energy to keep from laughing. You remember stacking this title months ago. You never thought anyone would actually purchase it. The cover promises scenes of women covered in whip cream, hot fudge, honey and so on. It was, you thought, the silliest thing you ever saw. Then you look up at the purchaser. It's her. The girl who your eyes have followed all night. Not only is she a knockout, but she's familiar. You've seen that face before... lots.

"Je......." you catch yourself. "I mean, will that be all today?"

"Yes," Jessica Alba whispers. As you grab a bag you see her flash you a friendly smile. She's not at all nervous or embarassed to be there. Then you have an idea. You pop the cancel button on the register.

"Know what," you say, "on the house." She lights up.

"Really?" She smiles. "That's very sweet of you." Then she leans in close. "You're not going to let anyone know I came in here tonight are you?" You ponder for a moment. Maybe you should. The tabloids would love this tid-bit. You've suddenly got a great opportunity. She speaks again before you can respond. "I'm sure a sweet cutie like you would keep this to yourself. If you did, I'd be very, very appreciative." She winks.

You take a step back for a moment and think.