4 days

Saturday

This is so weird. I haven't kept a diary since middle school and I don't really know what to say. Dr. Winters says I need to just let it out, say what I want, and to keep this in a secure location. I guess I'm worried about my feelings towards Simone. It's been a while since anyone has really seen "me". I've been the pastor's wife since I started dating my husband in high school. He was the pastor's son and seen as the next in line for the pulpit one day.

I guess I just don't feel much identity these days. I sit in the empty house, bored with nothing to do, no one to see. All the wives at the church work with their husbands on their small businesses or have retail jobs, however because it could get in the way of me being present for church Sundays, Wednesdays, and Saturday nights, I am unable to work. We live in a newer development, at the end of a cul-de-sac with empty houses, until they moved in next door.

It started out normal, I baked a batch of brownies and took them over, not expecting anyone to be home in the middle of the day, when she opened the door. Simone, she towered over me probably 5'10 at least. She was dressed in a bright colorful summer dress that showed over her long toned legs. She had a bright smile and seemed to look deep inside me with those big brown eyes of hers. Her body was unlike any I'd ever seen, almost a perfect hourglass with her large yet perky breasts at my eye level I had to look up to see her. The amount of her soft light ebony skin that was on display made me feel over dressed in my plain t-shirt and jeans. Her hair was naturally curly and made me a little jealous since my hair as always been pin straight.

I offered her the brownies but asked me to stay and enjoy one with her. She said she was getting a little stir crazy home alone. I noticed the pictures on the wall of her and blonde woman, and that's when she told me that was her wife. I must've blushed red or maybe she noticed the cross around my neck, and she asked if I was going to be alright. I told her that I hadn't met a lot of gay women, and she smiled and said they weren't massively different from straight women, and claimed she had experience with that, winking.

The whole interaction made me feel... welcome, seen, recognized, and we spent the day together just hanging out talking, watching trash tv, and by the time I heard Ian's car in the drive way and I said my good bye. She hugged me. Held me close so I could feel her perfect curves on mine, and said "Come over anytime"

It was.......mesmerizing.

Sunday

Sundays are becoming my least favorite day of the week. Having to be present for both sermons in the morning and the evening one used to make me feel fulfilled, but now it seems like a giant waste of time. The same hymns every week, all blurring together, the same messages of hope, prayer, and sacrifice. I prayed on this issue every night, and nothing happened, nothing changed, and I found that praying at night about Simone, lead to dreams about her when I fell asleep.

Today was excruciating, I eventually just started texting Simone between sermons and during church. She sent me a picture of her out by the pool with a drink in her hand, a leopard bikini hugging her curves. I immediately deleted it and shut off my phone for the rest of the morning. What is wrong with me? I shouldn't be doing any of this, and certainly not during the Lord's time.

Tuesday

As soon as Ian left this morning I was texting to see if Simone is was awake yet. Today I was still in my bedroom in my pajamas when I did. Instead of texting back I heard knocking and looked out the window. Our bedroom windows look into each others, and are like less than 6 feet away. She opened hers and leaned out of it, her perfect cleavage on display as I feel my body tense. She was in a skimpy pink silk nightgown and as I raised my window to hear her all I could do was look. She had to repeat herself, as my face grew pinker than her nightie.

She asked if I wanted to come over for mimosas and breakfast, said we could have a pajama party. I looked down at the church t-shirt and pajama shorts I had on and said my pjs were not as cute as hers and that I would just get dressed and come over. Her french tipped nails wiggled at me as she waved goodbye but left her window open, I went to change but looked in and saw her big bed, and a mirror, as she slid off the nightgown I caught a glimpse of her naked body. It was truly perfection. I had to run out of the room to stop from starring. I felt like I had crossed a line. Now I was PEEPING on my neighbor too? What was wrong with me? And why did I feel so hot.

I tried to shake the image of her naked body out of my mind as I put on a my clothes, another t-shirt and some capris, slipping flip flops on. We hung out most of the day. Simone in another one of her dresses, but it seemed like today she didn't put a bra on, her nipples pressed against the fabric when the A/C was running. I have no idea why I even noticed that, I don't know what I am doing. We hugged again at the end of our visit and Simone said I should come over on Thursday to sunbathe out on the deck. I know I blushed red again thinking about her in a swimsuit knowing the picture I had deleted earlier this week. I said yes and went back to my house to pray for more help. I have no idea what this woman is doing to me.

Thursday

Today was amazing. We lounged by the pool, Simone looked gorgeous, I was in my one piece bathing suit that I wore on my honeymoon, and yet I felt VERY overdressed. Her bathing suit, if it could be called such a thing, was basically 3 small pieces of fabric and some thin string. She said her wife likes it when she doesn't have tan lines. I kept taking quick glances at Simone, I feel like I can't control myself anymore.

I never realized how...how aroused I am by her, until today. Watching her applying tanning oil, bending over to get her sunglasses when they fell, at one point she asked me if I was cold because my nipples were so hard. I also noticed a wet spot on my suit and had to jump into the pool to hide it. When she walks her curves all bounce lusciously and her hips sway just right. I had to get out of there before I lost control.

But I hate leaving Simone's. I feel safe and comfortable there. Simone says she wants to take me out shopping next week. She says just because I'm a pastor's wife doesn't mean I always have to look like it. I couldn't tell but at times I felt her eyes on me too, especially when I came up from the water and my suit was clinging to me.

Even as I write this down in my diary I feel my arousal building, thinking about Simone in that bikini, her eyes on me, I.. I need to stop writing, or I won't be able to concentrate, maybe Dr. Winters can help me with this. I feel like I'm obsessing a bit, oh god help me.