(Alt.) "Actually, do you mind if I get a lawyer to look at this?"

"I do love you it's just all going terribly quickly and even this first condition seems a bit... I don't want to put labels on things but it might be seen as a bit controlling? And possibly coercive? It's not that I don't _want _to be **** to fuck my own family it's just I feel like some of these clauses might not stand up in a civil court. We don't want to do all this only to have an unenforcable contract at the end of it." Chloe pouts.

"No want legal review of enforced demands. Is not sexy. Is not high stakes."

You lean in and put an arm round your pre-fiance "If you like we can fuck during the lawyers meeting?" Chloe nods at this, cheering up "And maybe put a little bet on the outcome. Like... if some part of the contract _does _turn out to be invalid, like I think it might, then we have to go to couples counselling. Please, Chloe. We have to. Today was really scary."

"And if _I'm _right and there is _absolutely nothing wrong _with my hypersexualised homebrew binding family law document, then we make an itemised list of all eight billion people currently alive on earth and gang bang them one at a time whilst our respective families play naked paintball with piss-filled supersoakers for guns. Then we'll go up onto the international space station and fuck the handful of unfucked people up there. But not before we've carefully padded and pruned and rearranged our civilization-scale "to fuck" list so it's absolutely perfect as a launchpad for future narrative beats spanning out towards the heat **** of the universe."

In a rare moment of lucidity, you wonder if mental women might just be your type.

"OK dear. We'll do all that, if there are no problems with the contract."