"You have it right there, sugar," you say.

You blow the elf a kiss and flash him your bare ass as you leave the Winter Wonderland.

You decide on a different look for your next couple hours of teasing at the mall. Fortunately it's Christmastime in South Florida and you can fit in wearing, or not wearing, most anything. You find what you're looking for in a trendy teen shop.

You had seen the teens and tweens wearing these loose gym shorts with slogans across their saucy butts like 'hottie' and 'angel' all summer and fall, but couldn't find the one particular phrase until you searched this shop.

You buy the shorts and a matching embroidered baby tank top and hurry to the nearest restroom to put it to work.

Moments later, out you come, having gingerly packed your dress in your large handbag. The tight white tank is molded to your generous chest, tan flat belly showing below. The red gym shorts were sized large, so you of course bought them a couple sizes smaller than yours.

The white piping around the shorts' edges threatened to cut your circulation, but the bright white block letters boldly exclaimed SPANK ME across the tight seat of your pants. The same invitation was scripted more subtly across your chest in red.