"Just kidding. You still have no sense of humor, huh?"

He walks straight to the couch and drops his butt on it, acting disinterested. You know it's just another act, though.

This guy is so irritating, no wonder you broke up. Well, that, and his cheating on you. And the fact your sister hated him from day one. She was wiser than her years, wasn't she? She also thought Jake was, how did she call him? "An adorable penguin". Not the most virile of animals, obviously, but fluffy and cute. Well, your sister always had a thing for penguins, anyway, probably because males are supposed to care for the egg while females go hunt. Role-reversal was a big thing for her.

You get into your room, pick a few things and dash to the shower.

"Don't hurry on my account!" he yells, while his phone blasts the Tinder hookup notification.

Subtle. And that's supposed to make you what, jealous? This guy's too much.