"I think you're suggesting you want to be next in the hole." (End)

“I think you’re suggesting you want to be next in the hole.”

Pauline turned away from Jenny and everything collapsed around Jenny’s head in an instant. It felt like the sky had exploded and debris was falling all around. Her ears flattened against her head and she shivered as Pauline cupped her hands around her mouth and called out in Roxxie’s direction: “HEY BOSS! WE GOT A WHINER OVER THIS WAY!”

“A whiner, huh? Hoooo, I can’t WAIT to hear this little sob story!”

Roxxie sprang to her feet in an instant and Jenny’s feet had inexplicably turned to lead in her boots. Every instinct in her mind screamed at her to turn tail and run away, far away, to the other ends of the earth, but she remained rooted in place, helpless as Roxxie grew bigger and bigger and bigger until her shadow had consumed all of Jenny’s entire being.

“So,” boomed the colossus with her hands on her hips. “You got a problem with the job I’ve given you?”

“No, ma’am! I love it! Graveyards are my favourite, a-and scavenger hunts are even better. I-I think Pauline might have misheard me!” The words tumbled from Jenny’s mouth like teeth after a barfight and she trembled as violently as the bar’s hanging sign after that very same fight.

“She says you’re drivin’ the lot of us like cattle,” Pauline said smugly, stepping out of Roxxie’s blast radius as she was sure of what was to follow. “Says that you’re just sitting on your fat ass and doing nothing while the rest of us have no idea what we’re lookin’ for!”

“That…That actually was not true. I did not say that last part!” Jenny finally found the strength in her to take a step backwards, but almost immediately wished she hadn’t when her foot caught on a root protruding from the ground and she took a stumble backwards onto her ass. Now, having to look up even higher to meet Roxxie’s gaze, she broke. “I’msorryIdidn’tmeanitpleasedon’tfartonme!”

“What was that?” Roxxie asked, leaning as far into the possum as she could. Jenny had never realised QUITE how massive the kangaroo was until now.

“I-I said please…p-please don’t fart on me!”

Roxxie’s head fell back and she howled with laughter at the sound of it. By now, the other mooks had picked up that a spectacle was taking place and took this as an opportunity to halt their labours and look over at the source of the commotion. All of them let out a sigh of relief and made little religious gestures of gratitude that it wasn’t them under fire. For now.

“Don’t fart on me, she says! You hear that girls? Little princess doesn’t want to search, doesn’t want to be up past her bedtime, and doesn’t want to get farted on!” Roxxie reached down and grabbed the scruff of Jenny’s shirt, pulling her up to face level. “Well, what do you want?”

Jenny stammered, at a loss for words, finding only syllables without pattern or reason. It was Pauline who, being a goddamn snaky bitch, decided to volunteer information.

“She said that you wouldn’t know what to do without us. In my mind, sounds like she was planning a mutiny.”

Suddenly, all laughter disappeared from Roxxie’s face. The outlaw suddenly became dead serious and looked at Pauline, as if finally noticing she was here for the first time.

“What.” It wasn’t a question. It was a demand.

“I-I wasn’t interested, o’ course! Th-That’s why I called you over, o’ course! I’d never, ever think of something like that, o’ course!”

Roxxie didn’t care. Fury was already sprouting in her core and that was all that the roo needed to spur her on. She span on her heels and thrust out her ass in Pauline’s direction. The rat let out a cry of disgust as Roxxie’s bare asscheeks spread and the roo cracked out a foul, high-pitched rip of a fart that sprayed Pauline from head to foot. There was enough **** to send the rat flying backwards and she landed on her back, her hands over her face, retching in disgust. Even for a rat, the cheesiness of that rancid butt belch was too much for her to handle.

Roxxie turned her attention back to Jenny, whose feet were very much missing the solidity of ground. She brought the possum in close, so close that Jenny blanched as the rotten stink of Roxxie’s breath wafted in close. It was horrible, the worst thing that Jenny had ever inhaled, something like a rotten orange left to soak in vinegar and fish guts on a warm summer day only ten times worse!

“Where is she?” Roxxie demanded.

“Sh-She?” At first Jenny thought Roxxie might have been asking about Pauline, who was crawling behind a gravestone to console herself and her burned sinuses. But no, there was only one she that Roxxie cared about right now, and only Jenny would have been able to say where she was.

“You don’t want me to fart on you, right? Well, howsabout I don’t, since you ask so nicely. Look, I don’t even know yer name, but I sure as HELL know you ain’t the type to lead a rebellion against me. There’s only one damn bitch around these parts who would dare to interfere with my operation like this and I want to know where she is. So, let me ask you politely one more time. Where in the nine circles of hell is she?”

“I-I don’t know who you’re talking about!”

“Wrong answer,” Roxxie rumbled. “If being nice ain’t gonna work, then maybe I gotta try being not so nice.”

“You said you weren’t going to fart on me!”

“I took you for a clever girl, lil missy. But yer a damn fool if you think my ass is the only thing you gotta fear.”

With a crooked grin, Roxxie pulled Jenny in closer, closer, so close it was as though they were about to kiss. Something stirred in the kangaroo’s breast, and Roxxie closed her eyes. Jenny wriggled desperately, fervently, but it wasn’t enough. It would never have been enough, even if she had struggled for a thousand years. She was helpless as Roxxie slowly parted her lips and-

“URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPP!”

Roxxie had been saving this belch since lunchtime, for just such a moment, and it proved to be worth it!

Like a furnace wafting over Jenny’s face, hot air gushed out and billowed over helpless Jenny’s face, enough **** behind it all to flap Jenny’s lips and expose her gums. It last for five seconds, ten seconds, fifteen. Near twenty seconds of **** followed, spittle spraying over Jenny’s face as she was **** to endure every damn moment of it. It might well have lasted an eternity for how awful it felt, and that wasn’t even going into the after effects and the gag-inducing stench that followed. It reeked like roadkill, or like beached fish found a week after they’d been stranded. Rotten eggs, boiled cabbage, soiled meat. All of it, all at once, in one big cookie pot. Jenny could hardly speak through the gagging, or see through the tears that streamed down her face.

“Sh-Sh-Sh-She’s…she’s over…over by the…” Jenny wheezed. She was trying to say it as quickly as she could. To hell with the sheriff. To hell with everything. She wouldn’t survive another **** like that.

“Over by the…?”

“Over by the small tree patch!” Jenny feebly raised an arm and pointed in the direction of where she’d left Texas. “I p-p-promise!”

“You do? Well, I’ll keep that in mind. Because if she ain’t there, then you broke yer promise and maybe I’ll break mine too. I’ll have you eating every fart I rip from now until the end of time itself!”

She dropped Jenny into the muck and bounded away, leaving the possum in a heap on the ground, gagging for fresh air and praying for Texas’ swift capture.

In the end, Roxxie stayed true to her word. That much surprised even Roxxie. For the rest of her law-breaking days, she never farted on Jenny, not once.

She had other uses for the possum, of course. A burprag for one thing. She kept Jenny at her side always, hogtied and hanging off Butterscotch’s saddle or kept wrapped up and close whenever she made camp. Every time the kangaroo felt a rumbling in the base of her throat, she was sure to grab the little treacherous wretch and pull her in close for a fresh dose of belching goodness. In time, the possum learned to stop complaining, but she never figured out how to hide her despair when it was clear she was about to get another faceful of Roxxie’s emissions, or how to hide her disgust when she took another deep breath.

Roxxie didn’t care. She didn’t want her burprag to enjoy it. She just wanted her to take it, which she always did. Obediently. If resentfully.

Sometimes she considered breaking her word and treating Jenny to a not-so-fresh bout of flatulence. It wouldn’t have mattered if she did. It’s not like Roxxie’s word counted for shit. If anything, sometimes she thought it might have been funny, just to listen to her complain, to see her react to that horrendous flood of flatus. But she never did.

She already had the perfect fartrag in the form of Texas Stanton, the former sheriff of Gold Springs.

That night in the graveyard had been an eventful one. At Jenny’s direction, Roxxie had rounded on the snooping weasel and cornered her exactly where she’d been told Texas would be found. The weasel had thought she might be able to shoot her way free, but Roxxie had too much advantage and the full **** of her gang behind her – well, maybe minus one insignificant little possum-cum-burprag. But that didn’t matter. In no time at all, Roxxie had Texas wedged between her slimy, greasy asscrack and was gleefully springing back home.

They never did find the treasure more valuable than Gold Springs. They searched high and low throughout the graveyard but not a single stone had the markings that the desert cow had said. One day, Roxxie said she’d find that cow and give her a dose of what her two rags were going through. But there was no rush. For now, she was far too happy keeping her current playthings in a constant state of despair.

They might have argued over who got the worst of it, but that answer was easily Texas. Every night, Roxxie made sure to eat the worst of what she could find. As close to inedible as she could find without actually being so. Taste didn’t matter at all. What mattered was what it did to her going out. Every night her stomach roiled like the sea during a storm, and every night she basted the sheriff with the foulest, rankest emissions that her guts could conjure.

FRRRRRRRBBBBBBBBBLT

Wet, warbling, diabolical. The stench was abhorrent, so utterly evil in its intensity that even Roxxie sometimes regretted letting it loose. But it didn’t matter because Texas was there to take it in the face, her head almost permanently trapped between the twin slabs of Roxxie’s ass cheeks, nose pressed against her pucker, and mind primed to be melted by the night’s fresh delivery. Hogtied with her arms and feet bound behind her back, and with a makeshift gag of the armpits of Roxxie’s oldest shirt, Texas could only take it with tears in her eyes and a scream in her throat.

Thus ended the tale of Texas, deep within the slimy depths of Roxxie’s cavernous crack. All for putting her trust in the wrong possum, for daring to hope that Jenny might have known what she was doing. In the end, Roxxie may not have gotten what she was looking for, but what she came away with felt far, far more valuable.