"Dance steps?"

“Don’t worry,” says Meg, slapping Beth’s ass. “You’ll be great.”

“Argh! Meg! I hate you so much!”

“Haha! I know!”

“I’m totally,” grumbles Kitty, “totally, definitely, surely, absolutely, one hundred percent going to get you back for this. I don’t know how. I don’t know when. But it’s going to be devastating.”

“Sure you will, cutie.” Meg tweaks Kitty’s pink nipple, and giggles. Her three best friends are standing on stage at the Pynchplum Theater, Upknott College’s largest and most distinguished performance venue. They’re looking at a red velvet curtain, beyond which the muttering of thousands of excited voices can be heard. “Don’t let go of that dream, okay? It’s so much funnier when you fight back.”

“Meg. Let’s be reasonable. Do you really want to do this? The stalls out there,” says Lily, squirming in place as Meg gives her bottom a discreet little pinch, “are full of people. The whole college is here. The professors are here. The dean is here. My thesis advisor is here. These are really important people, Meg!”

“You’d better impress them, then.” Meg takes a step back and looks critically at her three best friends, lined up in a trembling row for her amused inspection. They’re wearing spangled glitter-coated bowler hats, spangled bow ties, spangled gloves, spangled garter belts, spangled stockings, spangled high heels and nothing else. Beth’s in blue, Kitty’s in red and Lily’s in green. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. Just remember your lines, and all the dance steps.”

“Dance steps? Twelfth Night doesn’t have any dance steps! Wait, does it?”

“If it didn’t before, it certainly does now. I had to cut out a few parts to make room for it, but we had too many anyway.” She glances at a black-clad stagehand, who nods to her and begins to haul on a rope. “Anyway, I don’t have time to answer all your questions. The show’s about to start!”

“Wait!”

“No!”

“Meg, just a second, please…”

“Too late! Sorry! Okay, there’s just one more thing I want to say.” Meg delivers a few more critical slaps to her best friends’ nude bottoms, and leans in to give Lily a quick kiss on the cheek. “Just remember you’re my best friends in the world, and I love you all. Beth, I love your wisdom. Kitty, I love your courage. Lily, I love your integrity. I think you’re the most wonderful special people I’ve ever met.”

“Awww.”

“And that’s why I’m going to totally embarrass you naked in front of the whole college, you dorks! Hahaha!”

Light peeps between the curtains as they parted. A merry fiddle tune begins to play from somewhere. Meg ducks backstage just in time. You float above the front row, still invisible, watching with pleasure as Meg’s three best friends are revealed in all their nude, wide-eyed, humiliated glory to public view.

They stand in a row. Beth, Kitty, and Lily. Spangly garments only accentuate their total nudity. Tits in three equally delicious sizes, large, small and medium from stage left to stage right. Two blonde bushes and a ginger one. Mortification etched into every line of their quivering bodies. Unable to hide.

The crowd, naturally, bursts into raucous applause.

“Hi,” says Kitty, struggling to be heard over the wolf-whistles and cries of “Shame!” She has to say it a few more times before the crowd quietens down. “We’re the, uh… the Best Friend Players. So, um… I guess we should explain why we’re here. We’re all best friends with this girl called Meg, and she, um… she tricked us into agreeing to do a naked three-girl production of Twelfth Night.”

“She’s really smart,” says Beth, sourly. “She tricked us really well. We couldn’t get out of it. And she got to rewrite the script however she wants, so… there’s going to be some singing and dancing, and a lot of material about how good Meg is and how silly we all are. I think some of the songs might be about that as well.”

“I just want you to know,” says Lily, “that we’re all really embarrassed, okay? Meg totally owned us by making us do this. Actually, I don’t want you to know that, but it’s in the script so I have to say it. And so’s this. Hey, everyone, look! I’m a silly girl! Meg tricked me into showing everyone my pussy! Wiggle wiggle wiggle!”

“Wiggle wiggle wiggle!” say the girls, in unison, and obediently wiggle their hips, as the crowd hoots their approval. “Oh, and one more thing,” adds Lily, sweating in the spotlight, blushing so brightly it’s visible from the back rows. “Don’t go anywhere after the show! There’s going to be a special encounter booth where you can meet all of us in person, and I’ll be… I’ll be kissing boys’ penises! If you want your penis kissed, just drop by and ask!”

“And I’ll be kissing girls’ asses,” says Kitty, equally red-faced as she continues to shimmy her hips. “Yes, I see you butch lesbians up in the back there, and you lipstick lesbians down the front. And the basketball team. Do you swing that way? Well, it’s none of my business. The point is, if you’re a girl and you want your ass kissed, swing by the booth! I can’t say no!”

“And I’ll be made available for spanking,” concludes Beth, turning around and wiggling her plump derriere at the crowd so they can see what they’ll have access to. “Boys, girls, non-binary folx, doesn’t matter! Paddles will be provided, and bare hands are always acceptable! Just so long as you spank me really hard, and give me a really hot red naked bottom!”

“And just remember,” finishes Lily, “we all suck and Meg rules, okay? We’re totally her naked pranked best friends! Now, on with the show! If music be the food of love, play on…”