Written A Blank Check

"Jesus, I'm beat."

That was my first thought as I started making my way back to my hotel after a long, long day at work. I'd been in Florida for six days now at this stupid conference... what I thought would be a nice, laid-back vacation had quickly turned into a hot, muggy nightmare of collared shirts and sadness. I'd heard about five too many lectures from stuffy old businessmen about APO indexes and second quarter earnings and a bunch of other made-up shit, and the per diem my company gave me ran out after one meal every day, so I had to stick to the mush that the catering company called food...

...and, to top it all off, I hadn't been able to get off in six days. Every time I thought about it, I felt like I was going to explode. I would get myself all psyched up, carve out a block of time for myself, and then I'd get back to my hotel and be too tired to do anything!

Of course, today was one of those days. When I woke up today, I'd set out some candles, oil, and... other fun things... to use once I got back that night. Just the idea of the preparations was practically driving me crazy all day! Then, to make matters worse, there were my two work crushes, Sarah and Nolan, who were at every event that I went to today! For some reason, every time I saw either of them today, I couldn't stop myself from picturing calling one of them up later in the night to have a bit of fun in my hotel room. Hell, maybe I could call both of them...

Naturally, I'd never do that. Those two were my closest friends at work, and I wouldn't want to ruin the great dynamic we all had together. Even on the offchance that either of them felt the same way about me, I wouldn't be able to take it if they rejected me, and I ruined the friendship. Sometimes, the consequences are just too much.

Those concerns quickly faded to the background once I got up to my hotel room door. All I could think about was jumping into bed and sleeping for the next thousand years. I scanned my keycard, walked in, and threw my bag on the bed, when suddenly...

"Hello, John."

I nearly jumped out of my skin! Darting my eyes around the room, I tried to figure out where the voice was coming from. "Wh... wh... who said that?" I shouted.

"Don't worry, everything's alright. Just calm down, I'm only here to talk. If I show myself, are you going to freak out?" asked the voice. It was low and sultry, carried in a sharp British accent.

"Uh, yeah? I retorted. You broke into my fucking room, I'm absolutely not gonna calm down," I retorted.

"Look, John, it's really in your best interests to chill out for a second here. I just want you to hear me out. I'm not going to take anything from you, I'm not going to hurt you, I just have a proposal. Can I show myself?"

"Fuck me... man, sure, OK. Come out. But I swear, if you pull something, I'm gonna deck you," I said sharply.

That's when it happened. The most unbelievable thing... right in front of my eyes, a young, bestubbled man in a jet-black tuxedo just... materialized. He was sitting right on top of my bed. Once again, I almost leaped out of my skin.

"How the hell did you..." I stammered breathlessly. He held up his hands in a calming manner.

"Don't worry, my friend. All can be explained," he said cooly. I didn't have the words to meet the remark. The man slowly stood from the bed. "Now, I'll get straight to the point. You've been experiencing some sexual frustrations lately, yes?"

After a bit more stammering, I managed to reply. "Uh... y... yeah, I guess? How did you-" He cut me off.

"Lovely. It's just as I thought. Well, my friend, that means you're in luck! I'm here today with an exciting proposition for you. I've placed a very interesting sort of magical field over this hotel room. Here's the brief; the state in which you entered this room, no matter what happens while you're in here, is the state that you'll leave it in. I've made it so that whatever goes on... whatever you do, whatever happens... will have no consequences. When you walk back out that door, it'll be like you never entered... but you'll still have had the experience. I'm writing you a blank check."

I absorbed what the man had said, understandably coming up with a couple of questions.

"How does this help with sexual frustrations?"

"So many exciting sexual techniques have consequences, even if it's just as minor as cleanup. With my blank check, you can do whatever you want! Cum wherever you want, however you want... with however you want."

"What do you mean, with?"

"Yes, I suppose I should've mentioned that. The blank check will apply to anyone else who enters the room. If there's anyone that you've got your eyes on, if you get them past that doorway, they'll forget everything once they exit."

"But... what if I call someone and they say no?"

"They'll forget that too. Everything you do in here will be wiped clean from everywhere except your mind."

"What if there's something I want to try, but I need something else to do it?"

"Just ask, at any time. I can get it for you. I'll help out however I can. Only thing I can't do is people."

I stood completely still, trying to make sense of what the man was saying, while he looked earnestly at me from the bed.

"Of course, you don't have to do it if you don't want to. Just turn around and walk out that door now, and it'll all go away," he said after a second.

"What are you getting out of all of this?" I asked hesitantly. The man shrugged.

"Think of me as a generous soul. I offer these opportunities to people so that they can have their own experiences... loosen up a bit, maybe learn something about themselves along the way."

The room filled with silence for another second. Finally, he spoke again.

"Well, I'll leave the decision to you. Walk out now and pass up this opportunity, or have some fun... really get in touch with yourself... and then walk out. Remember, no consequences, no cleanup, no effect on the real world. Just an isolated, free moment of you time." The man grinned broadly. "I hope you enjoy it." Then, as quickly as he appeared, he vanished before my eyes.

Hundreds of thoughts raced through my head. "I must be hallucinating!" "This can't be real!" "What a sicko!" Eventually, though, I had the thought that changed it all... "What if it is real?" As soon as that idea crossed my mind, I realized I felt a lot less tired than I did before. As I started to entertain the idea more and more, the excitement bloomed within me. I could really do anything! Right there, I decided I was in. Then, to no-one in particular, I spoke...

"What the hell... when in Rome..."