Mother Fucker

College hit like a motherfucker.

It is as if you forgot how to enjoy life, what makes it worth living. A week ago, you might've called it your dramatic phase. Now, you know better.

You grew up.

You're thinking about a career now. You actually study. Not just flipping through notes before a test, but real studying. The kind that makes your eyes feel as if they're bleeding and drains you by the end of day.

Conversations feel dead. Everyone talks in loops. Same recycled bullshit with a fresh coat of sarcasm and gossip. That's the daily special. Empty words. Emotionally constipated people. Only now, through the cracked lens of early adulthood do you really see them for what they are. Performative, empty husks. Everyone is pretending, hiding their real self.

Oh, what about you then? You always thought yourself as a jock. Toned. Clean cut. Chatty... A frat bro in waiting. You had been waiting for it as if it was the only thing you lived for. The keg stands, the hookups. Late-night pizza with the boys. You thought those houses were paradise whenever you heard about them.

Imagine your disappointment when you found out they're daycare centers for overgrown children. Shitty beer, dumb conversations... "Dude, this. Dude, that." Simple-minded idiots chasing a cheap fun at the cost of their future.

So... where do you belong?...

Well, it's been a week. And you, out of all people, found yourself wandering into the library. Voluntarily. No gun to your head.

And get this... Another thing you would have never thought you'd consider.

You're hanging around the nerds now. Dorks. Losers. Whatever label made you feel superior in high school. You've been faking some interest in their card games, their Chinese cartoon-tier debates, their oddly specific inside jokes. But the real kicker? Those awkward chats? They've got something your life is missing. Honesty.

They're not pretending. Not trying to be anything other than themselves. Yeah, they're simple, but in the good way. In the real way.

And now... Even your taste in girls is shifting. Thick glasses. Freckles... Hair that's cared for but let to freely flutter. Overall, girls who bathe because it's hygienic, not because they're filming a TikTok.

Yeah, something's changing...

Maybe it's time to check out one of their hangouts. A club meeting, a game night, some dusty corner of the library. Any place. The park... It doesn't matter. You know it... You're chasing something but you just don't have words for it yet.