Fixation

Author’s notes

The following story is one that is under active development. It’s rooted in an idea that occurred to me the other day. We all have our own cravings, and sometimes we’re not even certain where they stem from. But what if that craving provided to be a slippery slope to a point of no return?

All characters in this story are over the age of 18.

22nd of august 2024: I'm planning another installment in the current FF storyline before I'm moving to the FM branch that starts right after the Prologue.

I am currently planning to pursue at least two storylines, one that is prone to FF couplings and one that will focus on FM couplings. The nature of these storylines is subject to change as I will no doubt find out new things about the story and its characters as I am writing it.

This prologue is non-sexual of nature and I intend for this story to slowly develop from this point on. If you want something more fast paced, then I suggest you head out in search of something different.

To those that stick around, thank you for reading. Feel free to recommend me themes that you’d like for me to include as I develop this.

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Prologue

Sarah fought against the tears welling up. Her phone slowly faded to dark in the palm of her hand as she sat on the edge of the bed. “How could he do this? How could he throw away all those years?” she thought to herself.

With one short text message he had shattered their relationship. “I don’t think I love you anymore…” It had been as simple as that. For an hour she pleaded, argued for even longer and ultimately bombarded him with a string of angry messages and calls that went unanswered.

Kevin and Sarah had been an item for five years, but had known one another for far longer than that. Their parents had been lifelong friends and they had spent a large chunk of their formative years adventuring together. As kids they were almost inseparable, up until the point where Sarah’s parents moved to the other side of the country.

Their connection had been abruptly severed, and for years they didn’t see one another. It wasn’t until a particularly eventful Friday evening where they would once again reconnect.

Sarah had been brought up in a religious household in the midst of a roaring religious community. As she moved out of her parents’ place for her studies, she sought out likeminded individuals who would come together in a group to support one another in their religious practice. It was on one of those nights that Kevin had suddenly made an appearance.

While he had grown into a mans body, she instantaneously recognized his wistful smile. The same smile he had as a kid had stuck with him over the years spent apart. It didn’t take too long for them to rekindle their kinship and the two started dating quickly after.

From their first date to the farmers market to the first kiss after a night at the movies. The first year went by in a flash. It felt that they were continuously building towards that perfect picture. The picture of a proper little family that the two of them would build towards together. A house, a couple of kids, a pet or two…

After four years of being together, they were on the verge of taking the first big step together. For a while now, they had been talking about moving in together. Even though they were not married yet, the prospect of saving money to do just that was enticing enough.

Their plans came to a sudden halt when Kevin received a job offer via his parents, one that was too good to let go. Sarah on the other hand had just started teaching, and felt obliged to stay. She felt as if she couldn’t leave the position right after she had started and leave the children without a teacher.

They ultimately decided on spending a year apart. Daily phone calls became something that Sarah clung to. It was the proof that the image that she had carefully cultivated was still the truth. It did seem to go so very well for the first couple of months until the cracks started to show. Kevin became busier and busier at work and rainchecks became something that were called for much more often.

Today it had been a week since they had last spoken on the phone. A week of slow texts trickling back and forth… up until the disruptive message that he had just sent earlier today.

Sarah felt the last bit of anger ebb away. Her limbs were now heavy, her mind filled with the unwelcome sort of buzz. Slowly she laid down on her side, her eyes blankly staring at the wallpaper. She lay there, unmoving, for a good while.

As Sarah slowly returned to the present, she noticed that she had left her mouth agape all this time while she was laying there. It was dry to the point of hurting her throat as she tried to swallow. And now that she became aware of it, her discomfort was rapidly growing.

Did she want to get up? There was no shot of that being the case. She simply lacked the energy to do so. Here eyes darted around her direct vicinity, but she quickly realized that she had left her water bottle in the kitchen. The 20 or so steps it would take her to get there currently seemed like an insurmountable task.

All of a sudden, as she was laying there, a random urge popped into her head. Slowly she moved her hand up and took her thumb in her mouth. It was just like she had done back when she was young and the immediate rush of comfort was apparent.

She suckled it, enjoying the feeling of increased suction around the tip. Her body relaxed, the static dissipated from her brain. Slowly, as she was rediscovering a habit that was long lost, her ability to think came back to her.

Along with her thoughts came also the sudden wave of self-awareness. She wasn’t a child anymore! Her thumb promptly left her mouth with an audible pop and she could feel the static slowly returning to her brain.

“Maybe not the thumb”, she thought to herself. And felt her index finger absentmindedly start to trace her lips. Even that proved to be a comfort of sorts, one that grew tenfold as she took it into her mouth. Gone again was the static, her brain eased up on her and she slowly felt the exhaustion of all the emotions start to lull her to sleep.

It was dark out when she came to. The finger still hanging in the corner of her mouth, the palm of her hand caked with drool. She was hungry, she felt her stomach ache as she sat up straight.

She slowly staggered towards the kitchen. As she grabbed a bowl from the cupboard she noticed an empty expression looking back at her. The static had returned, the discomfort was growing once more. With considerable effort she put together a bowl of cereal and sat there at the kitchen table.

There was a sudden rush of comfort when the spoon went inside of her mouth. The feeling stuck around as she swallowed down the frosted flakes and remained as she sucked on the spoon afterwards. Sharp was the contrast when she went in for another bite. Without anything in her mouth she felt lost, as if afloat in an endless turbulent ocean.

Soon after she found herself abandoning the thought of eating altogether. She just sat there, the spoon stuck in her mouth like a popsicle. She swirled it around, whirled her tongue around it for a while before she got up.

It was as if a new wave of energy had taken a hold of her. Where she had felt absolute annihilating emptiness before there now was a strange sense of purpose. She grabbed a garbage bag from underneath the sink and proceeded to fill it up.

A random shirt, photo’s, a teddy bear holding a heart, tickets from movie dates, trips to the zoo, brochures about a new apartment complex that was going to be build. All elements that had their ties to Kevin were swiftly put in the large bag. Meanwhile the spoon continued to swerve inside her mouth, occasionally clicking against her teeth as she flicked it around with her tongue.

It took her a good two hours and three bags until she was finished and sat down on the couch. She felt good, especially considering the way she had been feeling early on in the day. There was a comforting emptiness filling up her head that was keeping all the unwanted thoughts out.

She was however starting to get a little sick from the clanking inside of her mouth on top of the slightly metallic taste. However, as soon as she thought of removing it, fear crept up on her that her mood might deteriorate once again.

An idea shot into her head as she reached for the bag she had packed for work tomorrow. In there she found the bag containing little satchels of hard candy that she had initially bought for her students. She took one of the satchels, popped it open, and replaced the spoon with one of the balls of sugary sweetness.

Slowly she suckled on it, not wanting to burn through them all too quickly while she did some last chores in the house before getting ready to head to bed. Tomorrow would be another workday and she needed her rest.

She wasn’t looking forward to heading into the weekend like this. After tomorrow it would be two days in which she would be alone. Alone with her thoughts and her now constant battle to keep them at bay. For a moment she contemplated before reaching out for her phone. She needed a distraction, maybe some support along the way, and she knew just who to message for it.