what we don't say

"Just catching up." It was kind of true at least. After you shooed them both out you changed into your old jersey. It looked so strange on you now. The way it hung on your feminized body reminded you of movies where girls wear their boyfriend's shirts and you felt yourself smile.

Downstairs, the third quarter was just starting and you squeezed in with Kyle and Tom on the couch. Soon you were swept up in the game cheering as Griffin fakes out Brown and scores a two-pointer. It wasn't long before you felt like your old self, in a manner of speaking. Watching the game with your family, and Tom what more could you want really?

After the game came the post-game, which you never really cared for and Kyle didn't either apparently as he dragged you into your own room to play games until it was his bedtime a short time later. "I'm not tired!" He whined.

"You're thinking of it all wrong man."

"What do you mean?"

"Your birthday's coming up."

"So?"

"Well, the sooner you get to sleep the sooner it gets here."

He considered this for a moment, "Really?" He still didn't believe you about the ice cream and jail.

"If I'm lyin' I'm dyin'."

"Okay." Kyle jumped up and shouted as he ran out of the room, "Think I can sleep till it's my birthday?"

"Worth a shot." You smiled as you followed him into his room. "Uh, forgetting something? Teeth."

"Come on!"

"Hey if you want your teeth to fall out in your sleep then that's on you."

"That won't really happen." Kyle sat on his bed for a moment before he stood up and walked by you. "I have to pee." A few minutes later you heard a flush and the sound of running water as Kyle brushed his teeth. Your dad came down the hall as Kyle left the bathroom and went into his room.

"Hey kiddo, I was just coming to get you."

"I'm already got."

"Well come here." Your dad hugged Kyle tightly before letting him go, "Love you."

"Love you too." It shocked you, partly because your dad never tucked you or Erin in but mostly because he's never said that before you were kicked out.

"G'night." You hugged Kyle one more time before he went to bed. After you shut off his light and closed the door you saw Tom standing in the living room his keys in hand. "Hey." He doesn't bother to fake a smile this time and neither do you.

"I guess this is where I leave you." He thumbed his keyring morosely as he slowly walked to the door really hoping you would change your mind at the last second.

"Not forever. We'll see each other tomorrow."

"It just feels different. Not going home with you."

"Hey look, I'm supposed to be the emotional one here. If you take that from me I've got nothing."

Tom chuckled unable to resist your smile, "You're right." Tom sighed as he **** himself to regain his stoic composure. "You know I got my phone on me, morning, noon, or night." He was still waiting for the other shoe to drop although he knew voicing his concern further would ruin whatever happiness you had found this weekend.

"I know. I love you." It's amazing how one single 'I love you' can mean so much more between two souls so entwined. Your eyes conveyed the messages that your simple words never could. 'I love you' was a goodbye, a thank you, and I'll never be able to repay you wrapped up in three simple words.

"I love you too." Tom's simple smile simply replied, 'you'll never have too.' Softly his lips found yours. His kiss was a promise, a promise he would make with each kiss and keep making as long as he lived.

Your dad's cough said, I like you but hands off my daughter or I'll break your fingers. "Tom." He stretched out his hand once Tom had released you and shook his hand. "Drive safe." Joe's handshake said he respected Tom and appreciated all Tom had done for his daughter and not using it as a ploy just to get into her pants.

"Thank you, sir. You too."

"We'll go shooting again sometime. Just us."

"...I'd like that." Tom meant...he really would like that. He had met a few fathers in his life and had shown more concern that their child was gay than the thinly veiled worry of their happiness and safety Joe had shown. His composure broke with a thin smirk as he realized he had surprisingly respected Joe more than any father he had met.

You watched as Tom climbed into his truck and drove off before you closed the door fully and turned back to your dad. "We should talk." Your face didn't betray your own surprise as you addressed your father. In the past, you did everything you could to avoid speaking to him.

"Alright." He grunted as he sat on his recliner waiting for you to start. "Never a good sign when a woman says that."

"I need you to be honest with me." You **** yourself to keep your eyes from retreating from your father's own. "Did you tell Kyle he shouldn't miss mom?" 'Always look a man in the eye son.' He had told you, 'Only liars and commies can't look a man in the eye.'

He sat quietly as he weighed the truth versus familial cohesion. "Not in so many words."

You sighed, "It's not wrong for him to miss her."

"After what she did to you-"

"I know. The truth is I miss her too. I hated myself for missing her too but...I missed the person I used to know. And even if she's not that same person it's okay to miss her."

"Sounds like shrink nonsense."

"Well...I have one. Look, I appreciate why you did it I really do but bottling up feelings never works. They come out in horrible ways. Believe me."

Your dad nodded as he considered this. It felt strange. Throughout your life, you had been terrified of this imposing man who had now shown he was more than the brute who grunted, growled, and yelled at the world and yet here he was listening to you. Something he would never do before. "Can I have the talking stick now?" Your dad had not changed enough to stop considering therapy anything but hippy mumbo jumbo, but if he had you would truly suspect he had been body-snatched by aliens. "I want to know..." he took a deep breath and slowly released it, "Do you think Kyle is like you?"

Slowly the words crawled out of your mouth, "Would you love him any less?"

"No. I just want...He talks to you more. If he's hurting I want to help. Like I should've done with you."

"No. I don't think so but he could just be a late bloomer and won't feel...off until puberty. I didn't from what little I remember."

"I'm sorry."

"Trans people in the same immediate family seem to be pretty rare from what little research I've done but If he is he'll tell you."

"You didn't." For the first time, you could see he was hurt that you hadn't told him yourself. "But, I guess I didn't give you much reason to confide in me. About anything."

"He won't make that mistake, and I won't make it again either." You knew how drastically your father had changed in a short amount of time.

He coughed uncomfortably and shifted in his seat, still not accustomed to being very emotional, "Wanna watch a movie?"