talks it up

What is your favorite ****?
“What’s your favorite vital organ, bro? Seriously, they’re all pretty fuckin’ awesome, but it’s when you get just the right lend that your whole day’s just like ‘fuck yea. I guess pot‘s like old reliable, and acid’s a good trip but it’s hard to do anything when you’re on that shit. Nothin’ wrong with ecstasy, man, and peyote’s some fine-ass shit on a good day. I try and keep the big ones in check, you know, like meth and heroin. Hell of a rush, but you got your limits, you know? Got this shit too, man, called Aphrodite, like that Greek chick of hotness. Good high, nice calm, makes you horny as a fuckin’ family of incestual rabbits, man. New stuff of my own design. Grab a baggie on your way out if you want.”

Does **** increase your sexual performance?
“Well sure, the ones designed for it. Bonerama or Pop-Up or whatever dick pills they’re pushin’ these days. Regular **** though, they just make it feel good. Actual performance though, they can mess with you sometimes. Can keep you from getting it up, like whiskey dick. This one time, I was trippin’ balls on ecstasy, and this dude was fuckin’ me from behind, and I swear to fuck he barely gets in when I start gushin’. I keep on screamin’ like he’s killin’ me, but it’s cuz I keep cumin’ every thrust. Felt fuckin’ amazing. Next morning, he tells me I’m crazy cuz I never actually came. Freaky shit, bro. Otherwise, just helps with nerves.”

Aren’t you worried you setting a bad example to kids?
She points at you firmly. “Kids. Don’t do any fuckin’ ****. Also, probably shouldn’t be watchin’ this kinda show where bitches fuck each other.”
You blink at her before you realize what she just did. “There uh… aren’t any cameras here.”
“Really? Fuck… well, tell em I said that anyway. And tell em how cool I looked when I pointed like that.”

How do those anti **** adds affect you?
“Not too much, man. It’s a whole conspiracy thing anyway. Remember that cartoon from when like, Saturday morning specials were the big thing? The one where like, Kermit and ALF and Slimer and Michelangelo and shit all told this kid to quit getting high. TOTAL bullshit. It was fuckin’ pot, man! It wasn’t gonna kill your family and turn you into a hobo! It was gonna make you watch tv and eat a lot of shit! At least go for the serious ones, like coke and speed. The stuff that’ll mess up your day in an awesome way.

What was the first time you did a **** like, and what was the first time you had sex like?
“So I’m sixteen, okay? I find my sister’s pot stash and tell my girlfriend, and she’s like “let’s smoke it up.” I barely know what this shit is, but I’m onboard. So we light up and we just have a good ol’ time, just laughin’ and touchin’ each other all buzzed up, wakin’ up naked that night. Pretty mild, but fun shit. Guess that’s why they call it the gateway ****, man, cuz I asked my sis where she got it and found this dude who had way stronger stuff than that.” She waves out her arms. “Made me what I am today.”
“First time I got laid was later in the year. Some dude I met, don’t’ even remember his name. Looked for an easy lay with me (which I kinda am, granted), and we got high together and we go at it. Turned out he came way too quick and was pretty dinky down there, and fucker starts fallin’ asleep! So I wrassle ‘em down and make him give it to me good. Still didn’t cum til a year later. Believe that shit?”