You go to the strip club in disguise

After weighing all of the options you decide to go ahead with your order to watch your daughter strip.

You leave the house at 8 p.m. telling Melissa you’re going to hang out with some work buddies. On the way to the club you make a stop at the stripper/Halloween costume shop, Superstar. You pick-up a bag of shavings for making a false beard, spirit gum, a trench coat, aviator sunglasses, and a fedora.

After you buy the items you ask to use the store bathroom. You’ve never applied a false beard in your life and you’re definitely not going to be changing your career to Hollywood make-up artist any time soon. It isn’t that the beard looks fake, but it does look like you trim your beard with safety scissors. You decide it’s good enough, because you haven’t grown out a beard since Ashley was a toddler.

Sliding into the coat and putting on the hat and sunglasses you look in the mirror. You had hoped you’d at least look like a 1940s private detective, but instead you look like a flasher from an 80s movie. It’ll do.

After parking your car across the street, so hopefully Ashley or anyone else you might know won’t see it, you take a deep breath and enter the strip club. You're greeted by the doorman who asks to see your id and take off the sunglasses. You show him and he looks back and forth from the id. After handing it back to you he tells you to open the coat. You do so and he says, “Okay, just wanted to make sure you weren’t naked under there.”

After you let out a fake laugh he scowls. Clearly he wasn’t joking, you must look like more of a pervert than you thought. Considering what you’re about to do it seems appropriate.

After paying him the cover he stamps your hand and you head into the venue. The music is loud and there’s a woman on the stage dancing. She’s stripped down to her bikini bottoms and twirling on the pole like a pro. She's either a very talented amateur who takes pole classes for exercise or one of the regular strippers.

Scanning the room you see three women walking around chatting up the roughly one dozen men in attendance, but you don’t see Ashley. After identifying a spot in the back of the venue away from an aisle and the bathrooms you take a seat.

The waitress walks up to the table. “Sir, we have a two drink minimum tonight, what can I get you?”

“I’ll have a whiskey on the rocks.”

“Sure thing. I’ll be back with your drinks in a minute.”

As the next song starts you watch the dancer tear off her bottoms. She grinds against the stripper pole. You look at the “Rules of Amateur Night” card on your table.

1. $200 cash prize.
2. Amateurs only. Can’t be a regular gentlemen’s club dancer at any venue in town.
3. Three songs. First song: Covered. Second song: Topless. Third song: Fully nude.
4. Amateurs will be scored by how many dollars they are able to collect on stage and from the crowd.
5. After a set is finished one of our regular dancers will escort the the amateur throughout the venue to make sure everyone has an opportunity to contribute to her score.
6. Amateurs are allowed to earn bonus points by doing a lap dance with a customer.

Rule 5 raises a red flag. Your blackmailer didn’t specify if you needed to linger after Ashley danced, so you’ll need to rush out as soon as she finishes or else she might come to your table.

The waitress returns with your drink. She stops you when you attempt to pay with cash. “Sorry, Sir, on two-drink minimum nights customers are required to pay with a credit card and start a tab.”

You check your watch: 9:45 p.m. Should be time for two drinks and to get your credit card back. Sighing you hand her a credit card. She smiles a thank you.

The current song comes to an end. The current stripper gathers her discarded bikini and hops off the stage. The DJ’s voice booms through the venue. “Let’s give a big hand to one of our regular girls, Tatianna! You can catch her every Thursday and Saturday right here at Classified! Now it’s time to bring up our next amateur vying for your eyes and tonight’s $200 cash prize. Remember, the winner is determined by whoever collects the most dollars, so her fate is in your hands. After her dance she’ll be escorted throughout the venue to meet all of you and, if you deem her worthy, collect more dollars. Now please give a warm welcome to the lovely...”

Evidence Remaining

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