Win, of course. Not much of a gamble.

Sarah sat down with me in the kitchen, carefully reading the notes and the diary, eventually she leaned back with a sigh.

“You dumb brat, do you know how many different alarms you might have tripped? Any sane idea of the risks here? Thank God we live in the middle of nowhere, in a larger city this would all over Reddit. Jesus Christ on a stick.”

She pinched her nose, “Are you sure of these rules? 100% certain?”

I nodded my head somewhat shakily, I’d been certain. But then I’d been certain of other things, like how May was destined to sleep with me on my 16th birthday. Spoiler she did not, and there’s a reason we aren’t on speaking terms these days.

Sarah sighed gustily again, “Goals then. I can guess that I’ve raised a bit of a pervert; to be fair I already knew that, but I’m not sure what kind yet. And looking through these notes I’m not sure you are either.”

She eyed me for a bit thoughtfully, “Let’s brainstorm a bit then, shall we?”

“What do you want out of life? You clearly don’t know, you have enough imagination to be king of Montana by week 2, instead you’re still watching your mother masturbate in the shower.”

“Though going slow isn’t a terrible thing, people who go to fast tend to slip and do something they regret. I imagine phenomenal cosmic power doesn’t help with the scale of those regrets.”

“How far will you go? Who will you go with? Obviously, your family is apparently on the list. Your school friends? You hardly know anyone else, neighbors? Celebrities? Risky their watched by the world.”

“Do you want political power? Personal power?”

“Are there other forms of magic that exist out there somewhere? Other voices gifting random powers?”

“You said here that you can’t do the impossible with these questions, but these questions are impossible, is that rule really accurate? Can you ask yourself questions?”

“Do these questions have to be in person? Can they be asked of more than 1 person? Does the person have to speak the same language as you or understand the question?”

Sarah finished some rapid-fire questions while staring at my mostly blank face.

“Uh, I don’t know most of those things? Or any of those things really? A harem, I’d like a harem. Also, lots of money.”

She groaned and put her face into her hands, “18 Years. 18 Years of education and child raising and this is what I get. Why God, why do you hate me so?”

Sighing she stood up and cleaned up the area, breakfast could wait given the discussion.

After she finished, she continued, “For now, we need to finish a few items up while we wait for your sister. Dreams of harems, ****, and world domination aside, I’m a bit grumpy with you young man.”

“Did you know it’s possible to help someone by hurting them?”

Smiling she held up an old cracked wooden spoon that I recognized from years past.

My face paled, “Mom that’s not really part of my dreams.”

“Think of it as long-term habit forming that will help you succeed sweety,” she said kindly, “besides I think from your diary part of you may enjoy this. Sexually. So maybe it’s one of your goals after all! And though I have no attraction to men at the moment, I assure you I will enjoy this quite a bit myself platonically.”

She grabbed my shirt and pulled me forward, “Almost total power over creation and you use it to goon over your mother. Perhaps you should refine your short-term goals a bit after this, yes?”

She let go, “Drop your pants. Let me see what I have to work with in the near future.”

Recognizing that look, and well aware that she was considerably more physically fit, I complied, vowing **** tomorrow.

Standing there awkwardly in white underwear she glowered at me as she sat down on a chair and patted her lap. “Well get over here and bend over my knees, you know the drill. Even if it has been half a decade.”

“Pride is great and all that. But every now and again a man needs some simple humility. Especially 18-year-olds with delusion of grandeur,” she said, patting my rump gently on the left cheek.

A few seconds after I felt a thigh tense under me, even through her jeans, and a spoon crack on my left ass cheek. Albeit through the underwear.

“Fuck!”

I froze after the profanity. Above, I could hear my Christian raised mother (though hardly Christian anymore) still.

“It really has been too long since I did this hasn’t it?”

A few, and for the record very unpleasant and not-sexually arousing, minutes later I managed to collect myself, gingerly pulling my pants over a very, purple ass as I eyed my Mom carefully, leery of her spoon which she tapped absently on her left thigh.

I pulled the zipper up awkwardly over a bulge in front of her amused smirk. Okay maybe a little arousing. Not the feeling but the act.

“Let’s get down to business. Short term plans.”

“You already have money you’ve leeched from the adults at your school, enough for a modest household for quite a few years. We aren’t going to achieve any real goals while working at fast food restaurants or supermarkets. I’m quitting my job, and if you get one it will be as a cover. I’ll figure out what to tell Christine and Laila later.”

“That’s money, at least the money we need for now.”

“Damage control, despite the fact that this town is relatively small, I’m sure you’ve raised a few eyebrows, particularly at the school and maybe the bank. We’ll start with the school.”

“Like the principal?”

“Her, your friends, teachers, bullies, anyone that you’ve acted on. I know the staff and students are limited on Saturdays but it’s a bad idea to delay acting here.”

“Then, actual power testing, like real testing. Not this mess you’ve made. Plenty of nosy neighbors I truly do not care for. Not that it matters in terms of your recognizing and acting on your dreams.”

“After that we’re going to sit down and discuss what the hell you want to do with your life. 1-month plans, 12-month plans. 5-year plans, and so on.”

“Recapping finances, damage control, power testing, and planning. For the power testing why don’t we try asking yourself a question or two?”

I looked at her suspiciously.

She grinned, “It won’t be a valid test if you’d like any of the options you know. I thought of a few things while I drummed your rather pale, unattractive, flat butt. Of course, if you prefer, we can always go back more drumming,” she held up her spoon, “if you don’t yet see the wisdom in listening to your mother here?”

I moved with purpose and speed, raising my hands defensively, “No, no it’s a great idea. Should have thought of it sooner. Brilliant! What did you have in mind?”

“Repeat after me, while asking the question to yourself., we’ll try to address a few ideas in one go.”

“Would you rather –”

“Would you rather –”

“Have the ability –”

“Have the ability –”

“To fly at 20mph after doing three iterations of the chicken dance complete with sound effects?”

“To fly at 20mph after doing three iterations of the chicken dance complete with sound effects?” I stared at the crazy woman glumly.

“Or would you like –”

“Or would you like –”

“To be able to ghost through walls for 10 minutes after holding your hands up and yelling, Pretty Pink Ghost Burst Magical Girl Transform?”

“To be able to ghost through walls for 10 minutes after holding your hands up and yelling, Pretty Pink Ghost Burst Magical Girl Transform?” I repeated with a dead voice empty of all human joy.

Several very, very embarrassing minutes later, and with a mild bump from the wall, we concluded to my everlasting relief that I possessed neither ability.

“Fair enough,” Mom murmured. “Well, let’s settle for some real tests now that I have emotional **** for eternity.”

“Would you rather –"

“Would you rather –”

“Have daily maintenance spankings with Christine?”

“Have daily maintenance spankings with Christine?”

“Or would you prefer to sniff her sweaty feet after gym every day?”

“Or would you prefer to sniff her sweaty feet after gym every day?” I finished. Wincing I grabbed my head, and said, “I already knew that one. Part of the reason I even finished those crazy sentences; I can’t affect the choices of two different people directly with one question. Much less dictate an additional choice, she doesn’t go the gym every day. Also, sweaty feet are not ok.”

Mom noted drily, “No complaints about the spanking option then? And are non-sweaty feet good for my little world conqueror? If you knew why didn’t you write it down in your little rulebook? The one that you typically store under your mattress, yes I know where you hide it, that diary you handed me this morning.”

While I stuttered, she continued.

“Would you rather –"

“Would you rather –"

“Write down your intended would you rather for Sarah Evans every morning for her concurrence?”

“Write down your intended would you rather for Sarah Evans every morning for her concurrence?” _Whatever I thought, I’ll just pick the other one.

“Or would you like to let your mother control all the would you rather’s you say to yourself first thing in the morning?”

I stared at her face blank. She said, “Willingly and proactively help, means your control and influence must be a bit limited, I can’t turn into a doll. So, you have to establish some kind of agreement that prevents contradicting the previous choice. These choices are going to eventually snarl, and I can read the writing on the wall. The results will not be pretty.”

“Or would you like to let your mother control all the would you rather’s you say to yourself first thing in the morning?” I finished.

I sat there thinking for a bit, “The first one took hold, I’ll give you a note in the morning.”

“I figured you’d go that route. Now let’s go on a walk and then meet up with your sister at school. We should do a bit of damage control and some testing.