What the fuck is wrong with the world?

Quick Note: This world explanation is my own, and will diverge from other threads unless their authors decide to follow it by themselves.

Right, after dropping the twins back in Vale, you teleport to a nice natural cavern some kilometer and a half inside the planet’s crust. Full of amethyst crystals the size of your torso, it reminds you of those geoda things seen in jewelries from time to time. Only about a hundred times bigger.

Your first impulse had been to visit the shards of the shattered moon, but you have no idea what caused such event and no hurry to spoil yourself, were you to find something humanity’s not supposed to find. Now you don’t regret it one bit. Why, with some work this place could become your secret base!

Something to think about later. For now…

“God? Are you there?”

“I am everywhere, Michael. Omnipresent, remember?”

“Right” Now you feel kind of stupid. In your defense, the question was never whether your senior would hear or not, but rather whether he’d bother answering. “I’ll admit to being somewhat confused with my current situation. Not complaining, mind you, I’m actually delighted about it. Just confused.”

God just makes a ‘go on’ gesture. You start walking from left to right, listing everything that’s been feeling funny.

“It’s just… well, everything. Miltia throwing herself at me within the first ten words of conversation, Yang getting off by being spanked, that cute girl from the hotel reception tripping over herself to please me, Melanie not skinning me when I invite the two of them to my magically enforced harem, and actually thinking about it…”

You pause your nervous pace to look at God directly.

“I mean, I know my allure wasn’t that strong, So what the fuck is wrong with the world?”

The infinitely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable and -supposedly- infinitely good being in front of you has the gall to laugh at your worries.

“Oh, Michael, this is actually the sum of some circumstances you really should’ve been aware of. You are omniscient too, remember? That obsession of yours with spoilers cannot be healthy.”

“Do you mind if we leave the psychoanalysis for later and just focus on the matter at hand?” You interrupt a bit miffed. Spoilers are serious business.

“Fine, be that way. Are you familiar of the multiverse theory?”

You frown, not seeing where that is going. But answer anyway. “That’s the one stating every choice splits reality, creating a new branch for every possible result. What about it?”

“It’s a bit more than that. It means that every universe that could possibly exist, does. A bit like the Rule 34, but with safe for work options.” Did… Did God just make an internet porn joke? “That means what you know as ‘the world of RWBY’ isn’t actually a single universe at all. But rather, out of the infinite possibilities that exist, any one of those who doesn’t contradict canon lore becomes part of ‘the world of RWBY’.”

“I… You lost me there.”

“Look at it like this. Does it say anywhere in canon lore that Yang doesn’t have a spanking kink? Does it say anything beyond the bare bones about the Malachite Twins personality? About the canon for male beauty in this world?”

Does that mean… “Does that mean…” Ugh, you have to work in your brain-to-mouth filter.

“You only wanted to be in ‘the world of RWBY’, never thought too deeply about it, so your subconscious took care of the details. That means this world you traveled to is one where your ambitions are definitely achievable. Since you don't want it to just be handed to you, it'll take some effort from your part, but as long as play your cards right you won’t need to **** divine intervention to get your way.”

“Then, my allure...”

“Was on top of your appearance being already considered extremely attractive in this world. The twins’ semblance only poured oil into the fire, let me tell you.”

Oh! Yeah, sharing emotions there must’ve been kinda… intense. “And Yang’s reaction…”

“We already went over that.”

“Right, right… Wait, then, if there’s a canon lesbian girl…”

“Canon only implies a homosexual attraction, nowhere does it say the girl can’t be bisexual.”

“Crap, I need to redraw my plans.” That means you can make a move on a certain White Fang infiltrator and… Wait, if everything is stacked your way, it also means the less spotlight someone had in the series, the better it’ll turn out for you! Following that logic you could… but no, the girls on the show are the ones you want to get close to, after all, so it wouldn’t really matter. Unless…

“I see you have much to think about, Michael. I’ll take my leave.”

Oh, crap! You forgot about God! “Sorry! I mean, thanks for taking your time to answer my questions, it’s been a great help.”

“Think nothing of it.” He waves dismissively. “Honestly, I never thought giving you power would turn out so entertaining. And you’re not using even a fraction of it! Don’t know if I should praise your self-discipline or be annoyed at the wasted potential.”

“We humans want to achieve things.” You defend yourself. “Everything happening ‘because I say so’ grows old real quick. You’ll note I still do unreasonable bullshit with my powers from time to time.”

“Yeah, the way you rewrote history just to give credence to some random trivia with zero relevance was particularly amusing. Okay then... Keep up the good work, ta!”

With that, he disappears, and you get out of your cavern and into some random street in downtown… Atlas. You want to take a walk, get some fresh air and plan out your next move, but that’s when the plan practically jumps itself at your face. Smile growing in your face, you quickly piece the logistics involved. Yes, you can work with that.