What an Asshat

This day is officially the worst day in human history. No doubt, this is such a pile of shit that it can’t be legally labeled a pile because it’s the size of a PLANET!

Not even an hour ago my friend went from annoyingly hot close friend, to casual sex girlfriend, to my personal pet maybe girlfriend. I can’t even ask if she is still my girlfriend because that would cause my ring to activate causing more mayhem.

I’m currently sitting at my desk in History with Matt seated to my right and sitting on the floor to my left is Erika panting like a dog, gazing lovingly at me. Mr. Hendricks doesn’t even regard Erika with so much as a passing glance and that goes for the other students.

You would think a cute, naked girl sitting on the floor would draw some attention, but apparently my ring made this a normal occurrence.

I needed to find a way to break this curse, but what could I do to fix… this… mess?

…

Okay, that could work.

I leaned to my right in order to whisper to Matt who was currently tapping his pen in boredom. On the outskirts of my periphery, I could make out Erika tilting her head sideways in confusion before focusing on Matt.

“Psst, Matt!” I loudly whispered in order to get Matt’s attention and not Mr. Hendricks. He was slightly startled before correcting himself and leaning into the sudden class meeting, making sure to cast glances at the board to see if the teacher was casting his gaze at us.

“What?”

“I need you to say that I have reality-altering powers.” This was a sure fire way of getting me out of this cursed rings clutches and change everything back to normal.

Well, okay maybe not everything. I would probably make a harem of buxom beauties follow me around all the time and make it so I could have sex with them whenever, wherever.

“What?” Matt said as he looked at me with a dumbfounded expression.

“Just say it!” I almost said please at the end which would have made the sentence a question. This is getting very difficult to manage.

“Is this like some sort of trick? Can I say something like ‘Your name is Asshat’, heh.” The glow of my ring came back as I started to believe that every god in existence wanted my head on a platter. This was some complete and utter bullshit!

“Asshat, you okay? You’re starting to space out.” I shook my head in the affirmative and brought myself back to an upright position. My eyes glanced away from nowhere and landed on the composition book on my desk.

The words ‘Property of Asshat’ clearly written on the top.

…

My name is Asshat.

The bell rang as everyone around me got up to get to their next class. I mechanically picked up my books and pencils, loaded them into my bag, and made my way to my next class. Erika tailing behind me as I had grabbed the leash with pure muscle memory that the ring must have given me. The other classes went past in a breeze as I was silently destroying every square inch of my mind with screaming until I met up with Matt for lunch.