Warren Najbreit

There’s a truckload of character descriptions coming. My advice: read it once now, and then refer back to this page when you need a refresher on who’s who later on.

Warren Najbreit, Score: -1000

At the top of the list, Father himself. I didn’t need some cosmic web-service to tell me that the old man hated my guts. After the incident, I must have shot straight to the top of his Most Hated list. It’s also probably why I’m still alive. When my existence is suffering, ending it would be a mercy. Would that Father were so kind.

Sofia Najbreit, Score: -150

The fourth wife. She’s 25, which makes her younger than me. She’s also a super-model, like every other one of Father’s wives. I’ve never spoken to her before; she entered his life after I was **** out of it. Somehow, her score is negative. Must be what Father’s told me about her. I see her every once in a while on the news, clinging onto his arm. I can only imagine the poisonous half-truths she’s heard from him.

When Father finally got around to marrying a fellow German, of course he picked a busty one with the stereotypical blonde hair and blue eyes. Yeah, she makes good eye candy.

Salome Najbreit, Score: -200

The third wife. She’s barely 40, but the Colombian former Miss Universe has still got it. When the magazines ask her for her secret, she tells them to ask Hyerim. The reality, though, is that she’s changed with the times.

She’s got long brown hair, and while she used to adhere to the size 0 hourglass ideal, in recent years, she’s filled out to become curvy in a way that teens these days would call ‘thicc.’ I can’t say that I disagree.

Hyerim Najbreit, Score: -250

The second wife. She’s 50, but still looks 30. There’s something about those Asian genes that works miracles, and the Korean enchantress claims that she keeps her use of beauty product to a minimum. That may be true (it was when I was around, at least), but that’s only because she has access to the best plastic surgeons in the world. You’d never know she had a nose job, and the work that they did on her boobs…

Let’s just say she’s sexy. Dangerously sexy.

Kara Najbreit, Score: -250

The eldest daughter of the family, my older sister, and my heart skips a little at the absence of a name. Where’s the first wife, you’re probably wondering? Dear mom died a couple years back. They didn’t let me come to the funeral, and she was interred in the family estate, so I still haven’t been able to pay my respects. Mom kept a quiet life, staying out of the media. It gave me an actual childhood.

Kara, on the other hand, seems to show up on the cover Forbes or Business Insider every couple months. She’s CEO of the Najbreit conglomerate, and it seems that she can do no wrong. The only reason I have a roof over my head is because I bought a couple measly shares of NJB the first time I was cash-flow positive. Those beauties grew 20x in value before I had to sell them to satisfy a creditor.

She takes after her mother, with blonde tresses that fall just below her shoulder. Though she’s rarely seen outside of business formal attire these days, even the cold cut of a suit can’t do much to conceal her curves.

Madeleine Najbreit, Score: -200

Second in line to throne, Maddie’s transitioned into politics when it became clear that Kara would take over the business. She’s now the youngest Senator in Congress; the phenomenally popular Rep. Najbreit (R - WV) won her election on the back of the jobs she created in the state. Reporters tried getting in touch with me following that landslide, fishing for some controversy. I was tempted to answer those phone calls, knowing that a few choice words could sink her career. But I don’t have a grudge against the girls in my family, not really. It’s only Father who has wronged me, and I’ll be damned if other lives are ruined as a result of his actions.

Oh, and I should mention the other reason Maddie got elected—she’s hot as fuck, and voters eat that shit up. The incumbent she challenged in the primary was caught on tape calling her a ‘blonde sex kitten,’ which, while not an inaccurate descriptor of her by any stretch of the imagination, was the final nail in his re-election coffin.

Jessica Najbreit, Score: -50

Seeing my younger sister at a negative score makes my heart sink a little. We’d been close growing up, and I never got a chance to talk with her after the incident happened. Somehow, I’d tricked myself into believing that she’d still harbour the same feelings for me over the years; that was obviously wrong, now that I have the score laid out in front of me as proof.

An oncologist by training, Jessica spends her time as a medical consultant for the world’s elite, including the family of yours truly. Like her siblings, she’s got honey blonde hair and a chest that turns heads whenever she’s out and about. To be frank with you for a minute—her tits are noticeably smaller than Kara or Maddie’s, but her toned ass more than makes up for it. She’s always worked hard for her body, and even under a lab coat, it shows.

Claire Najbreit, Score: -200

The first of my many half-sisters, Claire’s the family lawyer on retainer. There’s a small age gap between Claire and my sisters—while Claire’s just over thirty, Jessica’s 35 this year. After graduating from a T14 law school, she went on to make partner at a big corporate law firm in five years, and all was looking swell until the firm found itself working on a case against one of the Najbreit businesses. That’s when the call from Father came. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t working on the case—daddy wasn’t happy, and so out went the high powered law firm job, and in came the family’s personal lawyer. You’d think that would make her sympathetic to my cause, but the story with her is the same as the story with the rest of them. Not so much as a peep in over a dozen years.

She’s Hyerim’s child, with lush black hair and dark eyes that can raise thunderstorms. She’s not especially busty if you go by strict cup-size, but she’s slim and small, and that makes all the difference.

Erin Najbreit, Score: -15

I’m pleasantly surprised when I see the almost neutral score, but then again, Erin’s never been able to hold a grudge. She’s also, I dare say, the smartest one in the family. They say that mathematicians tend to peak early, but still, tenure at MIT at 27 was no easy feat. She prop trades with the family fortune in her spare time; rumour has it that she gives Renaissance Tech a run for its money.

Unlike most mathematicians, Erin’s hot as hell. With flawless pale skin and a great rack, she’s the kind of professor that’s been hit on by just about every grad student that’s passed through her doors. Apparently, there was a kid in the sociology department who transferred into math just to proposition her; the student newspaper reported that she let her dark hair down and then continued on working, ignoring him until he stumbled out on his own, bewildered.

Holly Najbreit, Score: -150

Hyerim’s eldest and Father’s favoured daughter, Holly’s the art history major that made it work. Father has shit taste in art, but he needs to impress his friends with his ‘refinement.’ Holly has neatly solved that problem for him. I went to see some of the paintings Holly collected when she loaned them out for a temporary exhibition at the MOMA. I’m not one for abstract art, but this blew me away. I mean, it helps when you have Father’s chequebook, but much of the work was commissioned, and it takes a rare eye to spot talent. My only issue with the exhibition was the “Warren V. Najbreit Portrait Room.” Suffice to say, I did not enter that one, or they’d have thrown me out.

I suspect that part of the reason Father likes her so much is because she inherited much of his good looks. Unlike her sisters, she’s basically brunette, and with legs that go on for days, she puts the fellow socialites that she hangs out with to shame. A critic once called her “more statuesque than her Michelangelos.” That sounds about right.

Scarlet Najbreit, Score: 3

Holy shit! A score over 0! Oh Scarlet, lovely Scarlet, my heart delights at the fact that there’s somebody in the world that doesn’t hate my guts. In hindsight, it makes sense that she would be the one. She’s been a social activist since her middle school days, and she finished college in two years just so that she could spend her full time on the front lines organizing for climate change. For a time, it looked like she was going to meet my fate and get written out of the will, but she managed to turn Father around on the environment issue. Mostly, it was because he realised that renewables was a lucrative business, coupled with the realisation that meeting emissions standards in the US was easy when all your factories were off-shore anyways.

Scarlett is Salome’s elder daughter, which puts her at 22. She gives off a girl-next-door kind of vibe, with a sweet smile and tits that would blow your mind, and she wears her brown hair short à la Audrey Hepburn.

Tiffany Najbreit, Score: -35

Now that she’s on the cusp of 20, Tiffany no longer counts as a popular teen actress—she’s just Hollywood’s newest darling. I’m not really sure how she got into the business. Father presumably pulled some strings somewhere, but a couple years ago, she started appearing everywhere. From playing the lead in a new Disney TV series to the innocent virgin in two big-budget horror movies, she’s firmly cemented her dream girl status in the American psyche. I’ve never met her, either. She was born a year or so after the incident.

The brunette vixen has got everything a girl can wish for—ponies and jet planes, yes, but also an hourglass figure that slays in whatever dress she’s got on for the paparazzi. Twitter and Tumblr explode every time she shows up outdoors with a guy, but what really gets me is that the same thing happens when she hangs out with a girl. I guess guys really are just that **** for some hot lesbian action.

Amanda Najbreit, Score: -200

Amanda’s the last name on the list from my immediate (and half-) family. I’ve also never met her, but this was by design. See, Father was grooming me to take over the family office. If it wasn’t clear by now, Father is a family man, and he wasn’t about to entrust the family fortune to some outsider just because I was out of the picture. So instead, he found the best (and hottest) wealth manager that money could buy, and Amanda Najbreit was adopted into the family.

Amanda is my age, and unlike me, a Princeton grad. Also unlike me, she has a family that talks to her. She’s a busty redhead, and good enough at dodging the media spotlight that I don’t know all that much about her. She’s the x-factor.

See, I have this file on my computer. It is titled ‘A Plan for ****,’ and it details, step-by-step, how I am going to get my fortune and family back. It is not a plan that any sane person would try executing. There’s a reason why, despite having nothing to lose and everything to gain, I haven’t tried it yet.

But now that I have the Affection Multiplier? For the first time in twenty years, I’ve got a good feeling about things.

I stop myself before I get too excited. For all I know, Father hired a hacker to put this shit on my computer. Maybe I’m the one being played here. Or maybe this is just some freaky Facebook extension that’s gotten a little too good at its job. Only one thing’s for certain.

I need to test this out.